Chapter 303 – The Lost Princess

*** Elora, her room after the wedding ***

"Your Highness," Sedriresa says. "Are you ok?"

"No," I say. "I'm useless. I don't bring Alzi anything. She hardly cares about the Queendom. Likely hates it. No, she should hate it, and my only value in this stupid marriage is that I'll likely become the Queen."

"You got her out of the brothel. You'll help defend her and aid her in getting revenge. It isn't much, but it will be enough for you to build a relationship."

"No, that just makes it enough so that she doesn't try to find a way to kill me. No, this kid is the only reason I'm not dead right now." Yes, this silly belly has kept me alive and tortured Alzi even more. All I can do is torture her.

"Come, you'll feel better in the morning, your Highness," Sedriresa says, waving towards the bed. "Get a bit of sleep, and then in the morning, we'll start to work on improving your image with Alzi."

"Fine," I say, taking my short steps over to her.

"There, all set, Your Highness," Sedriresa says. "Shall we sleep?"

"We can try," I say, letting her guide me into bed. "Are you ok?"

"Yes," Sedriresa says, hugging my back. "They didn't do much to me. They knew I would be given back eventually; they just thought it would be through a trade or back channel deal, not their entire house getting killed until just the head of the house and man is left. They didn't give me much food, but that was about it." Her arm rests over my belly as I feel her breasts push into my back. "A bit of rest and food has me feeling a lot better. A few nights with you will have me alright. You are worthy, Your Highness. Alzi knows you're a hard worker. She knows how ready you are to serve her." Her lips move along the back of my neck.

"Not tonight," I say. "I know you love me, and I care about you. I'm happy you are ready to support me, but I just can't. Not tonight."

"As you wish, your Highness. I'm here to help you."

"Thank you," I say.

"Goodnight, Elora."

"Goodnight."

...

I should've let her do it. She fell asleep so quickly, yet here I am, my eyes still open. Trying to let out my tears that just as stubbornly refuse to come out. I don't want Alzi to look at me just because I dress provocatively, and I'll never beat Nanoka in defending Alzi. No, there has to be something I'm good for. Something I can use this stupid body for. My mind is clearly too stupid to connect with her through love, so I'll have to use this body my Mother trained so well.

If fighting is useless and sitting on the throne is pointless, then there's only one thing this body can do, and Alzi has already told me what that is. Sarania will be better in bed, her Mother and Mai at comforting her, Nanoka at protecting her. The only thing I can do is offer Alzi children. Strong children. Goddesses.

That is what Fertility wanted. She said Alzi would help fill the world with Goddesses, and for that, she needs a womb. More than one, but I only have one. Alzi shouldn't have to bear the burden of birthing the children; she's done that enough. I can do that. Fertility left a mark on my belly over my womb; it has to be for more than show. Tomorrow, I will go before the Goddess of Fertility and beg her to help me offer Alzi what she needs.

I'll earn her love through my womb, the only thing I can offer her.

Now, please let me sleep. Please. I can't grow Alzi's children correctly if I'm tired.

...

"Good morning, Your Highness," Sedriresa yawns.

"No," I say. I never managed to find sleep. My eyes refused to fall shut, my brain cycling through my failures. From the first time I failed to block an attack, all the way to failing to protect Alzi. They didn't let me sleep. I'm sure Alzi is doing no better than I am with her terrifying past—yet another failure of mine.

I should've gotten her so many years ago. Why would nobles sing the praises of a prostitute if she wasn't special enough to marry? I would've found her worthy to follow, and I could've given up on my silly dream for the throne. I could've married her and disappeared with her, her Mother, and Mia to the countryside. I could've done so much to save us both from all this pain. "Get me ready for the temple. I'm going to beg the Goddess for help."

"Elora, you can't go like this. You look ready to collapse," Sedriresa says, pulling me onto my back. "No, I'll go ask Alzi..."

"NO! Alzi is to be left alone. This time is hers. Today is her first day married to the ones she loves. Let them be. I simply need to talk with Fertility and beg for her help. I wish to help her with her own decree, so I think she will give me a chance. I just need a chance."

"Your Highness..."

"Stop, I'm going to Fertility, in service to the head of the family and the Goddess, to help follow her decree. I have to, I have nothing else."

"This is not the woman I was taken from."

"It is. I've just found another purpose in my life. I've been looking for a cause to use this stupid body for, and I practically have the crown already. Helping Alzi and getting her to love me will help me in this family and help me when I get the crown. Alzi doesn't care if this Queendom burns to the ground, but I can help make it possible for Alzi to see this place as something worth helping. Get me ready."

"You're scaring me, Elora," Sedriresa says, her hands cupping my face. "You didn't think you were worthless before. You were just lost. This isn't finding another purpose for your life. This is thinking you have no purpose, so you'll hand it off to another. Alzi won't love that, and I know I don't. If you conducted the sale differently, Alzi would love you. Just one moment is defining your life right now. Please, think clearly before you destroy everything. I don't think you'll stay sane if you go down this path. You're tired and confused."

"I know this is right. This is what Alzi needs and wants. This is what Fertility says will help the world. It'll help me have power in the harem and help me when I try to improve the Queendom. It's everything I want. I'm fine being pregnant for Alzi, and I'm happy to bring her children into the world. I'll be pregnant for the rest of my life, but this is worth so much more than a bunch of broken bones and bloody swords."

"But it is so much harder."

"Alzi will help me. I know that. She said she would love me if I did this. She isn't like me. She'll keep her promise, I know she will. Will you please help me?"

"Very well, my Princess. But you must promise to be honest with me and yourself. You must promise that if this is hurting you, you'll go to Alzi and beg her to release you from the torment. I won't help you throw away your life."

"I will," I say. "Alzi is kind. She'll just cast me out of the marriage."

"How is that kind? But very well. We'll go with a simple white robe and flats."

"It's kinder than I ever was to her."

...

Once again, I'm in front of Fertility's temple. I hope she hasn't grown tired of me yet and will at least hear out my request. I don't know if this is possible, but I have to try.

I open the great door without mana, letting my muscles work the heavy door open for me and my lovely maid. Inside, the pews are empty, and nobody is up yet to pray that their nightly activities will bear fruit. I don't know if that is a good thing for me or a bad thing, but it is what it is. I get on my hands and knees and crawl down the aisle to the altar. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, hoping to see white.

"What do you want?" hisses out in the blank world.

"I wish to serve you and your Champion, Alzi. I wish to help give birth to Goddesses. I don't know if it is possible, but I am willing to try."

"You think just anyone can be the Mother of a Goddess?"

"No, I am here to ask for your help. To understand what I need to do. I know Alzi is special, but there must be something I can do—a ritual or a series of rituals. I beg of you. Please, let me help your champion in fulfilling your decree. It should not be put on Alzi to mother all of them. She shouldn't have to carry that burden when she has a wife with a working womb."

"You think it is that easy? Alzi nearly died giving birth to her kids. I will give you credit for crawling up to my altar. But do you honestly think you could even give birth to a Goddess?"

"Can you help me? Please. I'll do it for you and her. I'm willing to risk it."

"Fine, you will crawl up onto the altar and accept what is coming."

"As the Goddess wishes," I say. "Thank you."

"Good luck. Make sure to get to a temple when you go into labor. Mine, Sea's, Hearth's, any of the good ones will work."

"Thank you for the warning."

I see the backs of my eyelids and start to crawl again. I only have to go a few more steps before I force myself up onto the altar and wait.

*** Fertility ***

What an idiot. She's really just crawling up onto there after hearing all of that? Am I only able to deal with those who are broken inside?

Good luck, Princess. You'll need it. I'm sorry for making you love this woman, Alzi. I tried to scare her off.

*** Elora ***

The minutes passed slowly, and nothing happened. No pain, lights, or chanting. The Priestesses haven't come out. Nobody has come in. The Goddess hasn't pulled me up again. So, I just lay here, waiting for something.

'Go.'

"Thank you for the chance," I whisper. I shuffle off the altar and stumble forward. Sedriresa catches me before everything goes black.