Chapter 272 – Cursed Thoughts

*** Alzi ***

My babies finished eating around the same time as I did, getting put down for another nap shortly after.

"My Mistress," Sarania says. "What would you like to do? The owner of this manor doesn't really like us right now, so it would be best not to leave you by yourself, and we can't leave the children alone."

"Staying is fine anyway," I say, leaning back down on the bed.

"Have you thought of a name for the third?"

"No."

"Her pale blue is cute," Sarania whispers, joining me in the bed. "You could mix in a bit of water elemental into her name. She is a dragon, so you could also stick with a more traditional dragonkin name." She moves my head to rest it on her shoulder.

"You can name her."

"No, my Mistress, I can not name your child," Sarania says. "She is your blood. Yours to raise and love. I know she will look up at you with admiration and love. Her beginning was a horrific moment for you, but don't let the start of her life be one of hate. Please, she deserves the same love your Mother shows you."

"But everything hurts. My memories, my body, my thoughts. Everything is making me wish to have the collar on me again just so it goes away. So these thoughts disappear. I love her. I do. I just can't think, or I'll see myself being whipped or passed around, the tools hiding in the shadows. I'm scared."

"I'm sorry," Sarania says. "I'm sorry, I should've known you would love her. I can't do much for you yet, but I have a plan. I promise the pain will lessen. I'm sorry, but those years will always be with you. But we can march forward and overwhelm them with good memories with your new and growing family. And I'll keep it from ever happening again."

"Even from a Goddess?"

"A Goddess is raping you? I can't help with that, but maybe I can ask my Mother for help. It isn't Fertility, right?"

"Sex."

"Oh, her. That does make sense," Sarania says, her voice dropping in thought. "She shouldn't have much power right now, so she won't be able to pull you up for a long time. Ok, my Mistress. We'll have something in place by the time she has the power to grab you again. They don't truly grab you when you ascend to their realm. It's enough for pregnancies, it seems, but not enough that they have complete control. Your two daughters should be able to help keep you here, and then we can get help from Fertility and Space, and maybe take a trip out to Power to get her help as well. A lot of work, but we can do it, my Mistress. Our first stop is the capital to pick up your lovers and a distant relative of mine."

"I guess," I say. Fertility did seem to like me, and Space is in that weird marriage thing with me. I demanded to know what names my Mother chose, and yet I can't even name one out of the three kids I have. I'm really sticking it to Elora like this. "Tirlo." It was the name of my favorite teacher. The one who helped me learn my numbers. I didn't stay in school much after I learned the basics of math, though I wonder if that would've helped me.

Like Sarania said, I have to live with my past for now.

"Very cute. Luck, an unknown Goddess, and Tirlo. We can ask Love or Fertility to give us the unknown's name. They should already know about them."

"Are they going to take them away from me? Are Goddesses allowed in this realm?"

"If they were going to take them away, they would already be gone. Don't worry; they are here to stay for a while. They will likely have to leave before the others and grow faster, but you can always find ways to see them again."

I move a hand over the succubus's belly, feeling my kid kick out with her father so close. She's stronger than me, so the kid should be a succubus. Will the kid have to have sex to feed after she's been weaned off our milk? I hope not. I don't think I could do it. Maybe she has to stay nearby while her parents have sex?

"How do succubus children feed?" I ask.

"They grow faster, but they will have to be near us when we have sex. They don't have to hear it or honestly even know it is going on. Just give them a room next to me and give me some women to play with, or have her room next to you. We don't need to eat that often, and you would fill up the kids even faster. And we can eat normal food; it just doesn't do much for us."

Faster? Would that include the womb and then my Skill?

"You just thought something very dangerous, didn't you, my Mistress?" Sarania says. "You wish for us to take care of four children right now?"

"I just thought about it. I'm an actual Mother now. I'm a little scared, and I have too many Skills that speed up pregnancies."

"Well, she is coming," Sarania says. "And she wants out fast. Now we are both scared, my Mistress. I didn't think this would ever happen. Please help me bring our kid into the world. I'll need it."

Did I cause this? Fertility seemed able to trigger it.

Wait, I have to be a midwife. Why couldn't Kelly be here? I don't know how to do this.

"Mistress, we have some time before I fully dilate. Remember, you've been in my position many times, and you have plenty of practice as a healer. Both of us are scared here, but I think we can do it the opposite way around. You did the hard part last time. A very hard part last time."

"Ok, ok," I say. "I'm here. I'll figure it out."

"Thank you. Can you hold my hand, my Mistress?"

I should get us set up. We're already naked, so that's good. "One second, let me gather some pillows, or would you like to do this standing?" I ask. "I don't know what to do once the kid is out."

"You'll naturally know. I didn't know, either."

Great, how can I mess this up now when she succeeded? Can I blame this on age? I've always been so tired after giving birth. I was so young when the small pregnancies happened, and then the count jumped, and I would fall asleep the second I was done.

Pillows!

"Standing or lying down?"

"Laying down, this scares me too much to trust my feet," Sarania says.

They are all close by, so I can gather them quickly; I know it is easier if gravity can be used. Fuck, how did this happen before I've had any time with Kelly? Fucking bitches, keeping me from important people.

Why couldn't I just have Kelly there to help me during the war? Where did she go? What the fuck was the Princess even doing?

"Mistress, the contractions are getting closer together," Sarania says. I help her over to the mound of pillows and take her hand.

How far does she need to dilate? How do I tell?

She's powerful, so she should make it. Right?

Worst case, I just put a kid in her to heal her from the other kid. But only after the kid is out of her, of course. I've no interest in doing that at the same time.

I guess I can just spread her a bit and see what is going on? Kelly did say it was a tight fit. It's just started, so it would be good to get a baseline for later.

"Let me see how far you are," I say, trying my best to keep my voice even. Sarania gives me a nod, and I look. It takes a bit of work to get a clear view of it, but I think her cervix has dilated a bit. "Have the contractions been happening all day?"

"For a bit now, my Mistress," Sarania says. "But I didn't think anything of them. They've been coming and going for a few days now."

I guess they've gotten to the point where she can't ignore them anymore. But how much pain has she been able to ignore, and how far has it jumped now?

"We have a bit before you're ready," I say. "Just do your best to keep your breathing even. The contractions right now are just setting everything up."

"Yes, my Mistress."

The waiting game begins, and I remember the kids will need to eat in the middle of this. Should I do it or have her handle it? Kelly was always scared about me holding them, so I'll have to figure it out. And then I'll need to change them soon as well, but mana can handle the cleaning this time. It isn't great to do it that way, but we are desperate.

And then Sarania is going to wake them up as well.

"Are we sure the women in the house hate us?" I ask. "It would be best for them to help us. I don't know how to keep the babies asleep right now, and I can't ask you to not scream."

"Yes," Sarania says, her body tensing up. "Do not trust them with the kids."

"Do your best to relax. Take a deep breath; you'll need your strength later."

"They just surprise me. It has been centuries since I last felt pain."

"How close are the contractions?" I ask. "I'm wondering if I should check again."

"Coming pretty quickly," Sarania says, her hand squeezing mine. "Please tell me I'm ready to push."

I do the same check as before. This time, there's a visible gap, but I really don't know if it's enough. "Um, maybe?" I say. "Um, do you have something to make water and towels? Just a few more minutes, and I'll check again, and then we'll push if your cervix hasn't widened more by then. I know it doesn't dilate as much as it should."

"Ok," Sarania says; a few towels and a rock with a rune carved into them pop out on the bed next to her. I don't recognize the rune; it isn't the one that Aurora showed me back at the manor.

"Is this the water one?" I ask. She may have picked out the wrong one because of the pain.

"Yes, I know-" She doesn't say what she knows, a contraction stealing away the rest of the sentence and her thoughts.

I feed it just a bit of mana, and a drop of water comes from it. I get one of the towels damp and pat down her head and neck. My thumb rubs the back of her hand as I wait for another contraction to come before I check again.

Another contraction comes, and then the cries of my children, too.

"Sorry, little ones, you'll have to hold on for a bit," I say. I need to learn how to put up that sound barrier thing. "Let me check, and then we can start pushing, Sarania. Soon, we'll be caring for four little ones." Checking, I see that her cervix hasn't dilated any further, so I guess that means it has reached the largest it is going to be. Kelly is going to laugh at me if I ever tell her this story. "We can start pushing now, Sarania. We do it with the contractions. The body knows the method and just needs a bit of action on our part to complete it."

"Ok, my Mistress. I'll follow your commands."