Chapter 57. The Burden of Happiness

After classes were over I glanced over at Alexis’ empty chair. She was missing from class to look after her still sleeping brother. “I’m gonna check up on Alexis and Atticus. Coming?” I asked Blair, standing up from her chair beside me. She smiled and nodded in agreement. Just as I started on my way there, Jasmine and Mindy moved in front of me. Jasmine was scowling at me while Mindy appeared to just be dragged around by Jasmine. “Alexis said she doesn’t want to see you.” Jasmine spoke with disdain, but also a bit of snarkiness. Much like Chazz.

“Really?” I asked Mindy. “Hey! Don’t ignore me!” Jasmine yelled as Mindy awkwardly smiled. “Well… She did say that…” I nodded in understanding, before walking towards the nurse's office with Blair again. “Hey! Didn’t you hear!?” Jasmine yelled while catching up to me, alongside Mindy. I shrugged while avoiding her death glare. “I don’t want you yelling at me… but here we are.” I said, sugarcoating the real word I might call what she was doing, as she was still a friend of Alexis.

However Jasmine seemed to catch on to my hidden meaning judging from the steam erupted from her ears. “Fine! Go ahead! Piss her off so she never sees you again! Suits me just fine! I don’t even know what she saw in you to begin with!” I rolled my eyes while entering the office. I looked at the partition, covering the bed near the back, and made my way over with everyone a few steps behind. “I’m sorry, I know I’m missing classes but-” Alexis spoke as she opened the partition, but froze as soon as her gaze met me.

“Oh… Hi Rakki.” She said a little awkwardly while quickly snapping the curtains shut around the bed, almost as if she was hiding something behind it. Her eyes had dark bags under them, worse than my natural ones I always had, and her hair was frayed and unkempt. She clearly didn’t get much of any sleep last night, waiting on her brother, hand and foot. I sighed at her raggedy appearance. “For someone who’s about to get their brother back, you look like hell.” Alexis flinched and avoided my gaze.

I then began to count off her problems on my fingers. “Old clothes, rat’s nest of hair, sunken eyes, and you somehow managed to look like you've been starved for months.” Everyone was silent, Alexis’ head hung low. “Go take a shower, get on some new clothes, eat literally anything, and come back. If Atticus woke up to this mess, he might just think he was still in the shadow realm.” Alexis looked up at me in confusion, her sunken eyes still glistening in the light. “Blair and I will keep an eye on his condition while you’re gone. You’re gonna kill yourself before he wakes up.” My last sentence filled me with slight anger as I took out some gum to chew on, trying not to make the correlation my mind instinctively thought of.

Alexis stared at me while her exhausted mind went to work processing all I said. However, how she responded gave me pause. “Don’t you hate me…?” She muttered as her head fell back to the floor. I stared at her frayed hair covering her face. “Why would I hate you?” I asked, wondering where this was suddenly coming from. The whole room was deafened in silence as we all waited for Alexis to explain herself. “Because I’m getting my family back…” She finally responded, making me falter a bit in surprise.

“Where did you…-” I was about to ask, but Alexis suddenly looked up at me, her eyes swirling in madness. She had a warped smile as tears started to form in her eyes. “Well you should!! Here I was, almost bragging about having my happy family back the way it was! Here I am so happy!! Everything in my life is perfect now that I have him back! Why would I care about anyone else besides myself!? When I saw who he was, what was the first thing I did!? I abandoned and forgot about you! I didn’t care about your feelings, or your injuries, in the least while I rubbed my own happiness in your face!” Her screaming changed her warped smile into a deep frown as she sniffled to keep herself from having snot go down her nose.

“Why…? Why aren’t you screaming at me!? Telling me I’m horrible! That I’m selfish! That I don't deserve this happiness! How can you just stand there, and tell me to look more presentable for my brother!? Hit back! Get mad! DO SOMETHING!!” She screamed while hitting my chest, finally grabbing onto my jacket to keep herself standing as she heaved. The guilt of her own happiness tearing her apart all night while I slept semi-soundly. An emotional rollercoaster of emotions all burst forth at once, leaving her even more exhausted. It was easy to forget, but despite Alexis' mature appearance, she was still a Highschool student.

I frowned at the sight of her, and silently put my arms around Alexis, helping to keep her on her feet as she cried. “Why…?” She muttered into my chest. I rubbed my thumb on her arm as I thought aloud. “I may have been a little jealous last night. Seeing what I wanted so much happen to someone else right in front of me…” Alexis batted her head against me in response. “I’m sorry…” She muttered, like it was her fault she got the happy ending she always desired, while I was abandoned by fate.

I sighed a little agitated at myself as I spoke. “No… If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I should have been more happy for you... But did you really think I’d hate you for being so lucky?” I asked with a small scoff trying to lighten the mood. I then cringed, knowing I would regret saying this later. “Besides… I’m not alone anymore…” Alexis soon tightened her grip on my jacket while more tears fell, until her grip slowly lost strength, along with her legs. I quickly held her tighter as she fell back, and I looked at her to see what was wrong. I shook my head seeing her gently closed eyes, and steady breaths.

I silently hoisted her into a princess carry, and laid her down on another bed. I frowned as I removed each finger Alexis still had on, holding onto me even in her sleep. “Such a stupid girl…” I whispered after giving up removing her fingers from my jacket, instead maneuvering myself to take it off, and place it overtop of her like a blanket. “Give this one back would ya?” I said while she moved it around her arms to help keep herself warm.

After I was done, I looked up at Jasmine, Mindy, and Blair all staring at me. Jasmine was shocked stiff, as was Mindy. However what scared me a bit was Blair’s eyes, specifically her irises having hearts in them. ‘I knew I would regret saying that…’ I thought while avoiding looking at her shining expression directly, lest I would be blinded  or mauled. I focused back on Jasmine and Mindy, clearly adding up the conversation to part of my past. I never liked talking about it, because what good would it do? None… Most people would give their condolences, empathize, apologize, but none truly knew the pain.

I then looked at Alexis, still holding my red jacket like a blanket a kid would name. Alexis was the only one I met who had an idea. She had grieved, clinged to, agonized over, her lost brother. She had known the pain of the loss of a close family member. She thought that her own turn of fate might make me hate her for being so lucky. Although I could understand her thought process, however dumb it was... As if I would push her away that easily... No, I wouldn't let her go. I wouldn’t lose her. She was also mine.

I sighed at her, taking a seat on the bed beside her and leaning my back on the wall the bed was aligned to. I placed my hand on her head while resting my own eyes, trying to imagine Jasmine and Mindy weren’t here to ruin my mood. There was a few minutes of silence, so I finally decided to break it myself. “Well, this isn’t comfortable.” I said while sitting away from the wall, the sharp angle breaking my spine. “We should probably just let them rest.” Mindy said. I nodded while standing up. “Yea, probably should.”

Jasmine avoided looking at me, clearly not knowing how to act with this new information of my life. It was predictable, but appreciated. I didn’t want her to ruin my surprisingly calm mood at the moment. I led the way out, and placed my hand on Blair’s back as I directed both of us to our dorms. “See you guys.” I waved without looking back, or at Blair’s fevered gaze. ‘Really shouldn’t have said that…’