Chapter 32. Guilt

We both made it back to the dorms in complete silence. I still had this guilty feeling of making her cry that refused to go away because of it. After we were both in our respective beds, I couldn’t take this feeling anymore. I was starting to get mad from not being able to sleep from it. “Ahh!” I let out a groan of annoyance, scaring Blair who yelped in her bunk above mine. “What!?” She said with her voice full of fear. “I’m sorry, ok!? Sometimes I say things a bit too harshly. Can you stop being mad, or sad, or whatever the hell you are!? I can’t sleep with you like this!”

I let out my reasons for being upset, and Blair was silent for a bit while I sighed from making things worse. Only the small spirits were around for some reason. I had asked the girls if they were ok, but they all remained silent too. I didn’t feel good about why they were silent, and had to assume it was for making Blair unhappy. I knew they were all close to each other, and I couldn’t sleep with the idea of the girls being mad at me.

That was just something that was always a problem with me. When the people I was close to were mad at me and I knew I did something wrong, I couldn’t sleep at night until I had at least tried to fix it. I hated it, but there was something in me that refused to relax until I knew we were ok, or the relationship couldn’t be saved. I didn’t have many friends so it wasn’t a problem most nights, but there were a few sleepless nights of mine. That only fixed itself the next day, after they had seen the bags under my eyes and forgiven me.

I was lost in the past again, until I saw legs descending from the bunk above me. Blair lowered herself down, and turned around to look at me. There was a small light given by a floating duel spirit, allowing me to see her face in a dim green glow. Surprisingly, I saw her smiling as she looked at me. I was about to say something, but she spoke before I could. “I’m not mad, or sad.” I looked at her face for a bit to see she was telling the truth. Once I saw that she was being honest, I sighed and turned over in my bed. “Good then…” I mumbled as I felt much more sleepy at this point.

Blair chuckled a bit as she patted my arm. I groaned a bit to get her to stop. “Just go to sleep already.” I said while still facing away from her, trying to avoid that happy expression of hers. I was glad to be able to sleep now, but I didn’t want her to be happy for something she was misinterpreting. It was silent in the darkened room for a bit while I felt Blair’s gaze on my back. I waved my arm behind me towards her, to get her to stop boring holes in the back of my head. “Hurry up.” I grumbled, wanting to get to sleep now, and this conversation to be over.

I felt my bed sink a little from the weight of Blair using it as a stepping stool to quickly ascend to her bunk. “Goodnight Rakki…” She whispered after she adjusted herself under her sheets. I could hear the cheerfulness in her tone. I sighed as I finally relaxed in my bed. “Goodnight Blair.” I quickly fell asleep after that, drifting off while thinking of the few friends I had now left behind. I always pushed those thoughts down, knowing that they would be fine without me. But I still sometimes wanted to remember them, and not forget how I managed through school with them helping.

I woke back up to stirring. I felt excessively hot, and removed the covers to help cool off. “Hmm…” I heard someone else groan a bit from the sudden light, and opened my eyes to see who it was. I looked to see bright orange hair, attached to a blue naked beauty underneath. I tried to move, but noticed she wasn’t the only one attached to me in my sleep. “The hell…?” I whispered subconsciously while I stared at Blair holding tight to my back while she buried her face away from the light in her sleep.

‘I definitely remembered that she went to the top bunk when I fell asleep… Did Dreamsprite let her know when I was asleep?’ To be honest, I did have a slight inclination that Blair might have gained a crush on me. ‘I hate to admit it, but I can see some similarities between myself and Zane…’ I shook my head to help forget that unsettling fact, and began to think of a way out of this. I looked down at Dreamsprite, and began to poke her to wake her up.

I kept at it, but she refused to wake up. I sighed while squinting from distrust. “Maybe a good morning kiss…?” I heard her mumble with a slight smirk she was trying to hide. I frowned while she strengthened her grip on me, to stop me from moving. I let out a scoff, gave her a peck on the cheek, and she pouted at me with disapproval. “On the lips!” She protested while she pinched me. I stuck my tongue out a bit while I forced my way up. “Maybe later… I have a feeling that the other occupant is awake.” I looked back to see Blair’s head completely scarlet.

“That doesn’t matter!” Dreamsprite yelled with a smile as she tackled herself into me. Blair was steaming from embarrassment, and I sighed from how much stress this was on my mind. ‘If anyone comes in… I’m so dead.’ I knew that I would have a hard time keeping it quiet, and that the police woman would have my neck at the first word of me breaking the rules. I quickly pointed myself away from Blair, and looked down to see Dreamsprite already knowing what I was trying to do. She smiled and she used me to block Blair’s vision of us as we kissed.

I pressed my lips against Dreamsprite’s and she let out a small moan followed by a happy giggle after we separated. She then disappeared, leaving me and Blair alone on my bunk. Blair knew what we just did, and only spoke gibberish while her mind was overheating from embarrassment. She froze when I moved again, and just stared at me like a deer in headlights. I sighed as I moved past her and went to my desk to collect my Duel disk and cards. “I’m not gonna ask why you decided to sleep in my bed… I just need you to understand that you wouldn’t be my first, and probably won’t be my last.”

All was quiet in the room while I moved over to my dresser to get my uniform. I finally looked back over to Blair, after wondering what she was thinking through all this silence. I frowned when I saw her cheerful expression I had come to know now. “I already knew that.” She spoke in a gentle tone of acceptance. “The girls talk a lot about you when we’re alone.” I sighed from what she just revealed, and glanced at my deck to see it was fluttering from all the duel spirits’ reactions.

I nodded while avoiding her bright gaze that almost blinded me. I stammered a bit while thinking of what to say in response. I finally sighed and just spoke without thinking like I did last light. ‘Just hope I don’t make her cry again…’ I felt a twinge of guilt before talking. “I don’t know what they said, but don’t believe them… They see me in a better light than I am… You probably don’t really like me, and will just regret getting close in the long run.”

I finished explaining the truth to her, but was shocked to see her smile that never faded. Instead it only grew. “They said you’d say that…'' She spoke softly to me while my frown deepened. “I refuse to believe that.” I scoffed at her while I pulled the blanket over her to cover her eyes. “I’m going to change now. Don’t peek.” Blair giggled some more, while I felt I had to leave the room quickly, or get caught at her speed. I got dressed, making sure to keep an eye on Blair to keep her from peeking, and left the room just as Jayden was heading to my door. “Oh! Hey bro!... You ok? You look a little feverish.”

I frowned as I felt the girls’ delight from Jayden’s comment, and quickly dragged him towards the cafeteria while slamming my door shut. “Yea! Just Great!!”