The Dundies
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***
What does an Assassin need? First, a target to assassinate, and second, a mediator to find targets and contracts. Relying on public bounties will make them bounty hunters waiting to make a killing—or so it's stated by Bao, their first ‘mediator.’ Looking into Nik’s ‘beautiful’ eyes endeared the man to volunteer for the task.
Okay. Maybe Nik is taking more leeway with his ability, but this is Roanapur—and when in Rome…
Yet, Nik has to say Ray is accommodating enough about his views. But he isn’t blind enough to ignore that she is partly doing it to stick together. Others will have partners from Transmigration Paradise, too. Ray and Nik cannot tackle them when they have similar experiences. It’s not remotely near screwing around with Revy.
Speaking of Revy—
“Pfft?” She breaks into crude chuckles before tossing her head back and laughing aloud. “Hahahaha! What is this? Non-Fatal Assassins?”
Ray glances at Revy with an unimpressed look while wiping a mug as Revy keeps looking at the business card in her hand. “What are you going to do? Tickle the targets?”
“No,” Ray smiles politely. “For instance, if someone hires us to deal with you. I’ll find every dirty little secret about you. From your pathetic childhood to how many men touched you, how many you shot, how many innocents you killed—before using it all to fuck you emotionally than any man ever did.”
Bao swallows a nervous lump, wondering if his pub is about to get wrecked again. Meanwhile, Dutch and Nik stop in their tracks.
Revy’s voice catches in her throat before she crushes the card in her fist, pointing her gun at—
‘Eh?’ she glances at her empty hand.
Where is her gun?
“I told you.” She hears a hatefully calm voice. “No guns.” She reaches for her second gun-
He’s taken her second gun, too—again!
“Hoo~! How scary,” Ray cups her cheeks with an absolutely distraught look.
“Give my guns back!” Revy turns around. She would know better than to lunge at him, but she does so anyway as he sidesteps and lets the woman crash into a table. “Nah. I looted it again. For a ‘killer,’ you sure are reckless about your guns. Hey, Ray. Check it out. Vanilla Revy.”
“Eee! That’s lame!”
“H-How is that lame? There’s hardcore porn, and then there’s vanilla. So, Hardcore Revy and a Vanilla Revy!”
“Nah, that sounds lame. It should be Dumbass Revy!”
“Nobody asked you, Kock!” Revy growls, standing up with a furious expression as Dutch picks up the business card in front of him and turns it over, revealing a few terms and conditions.
“Are you two for real?” Dutch questions after going through the ‘conditions.’
“Huh? What?” Revy returns to the seat with a scowl before quickly taking a knife from her shorts. “I could smell that, you know?” Nik catches her wrist with a rather strange look. “You would think sweat near your inner thighs smells good with steel. Besides, aren’t you worried you’ll stab yourself down there?”
Revy gloomily stares at Nik before smirking strangely and sitting down quietly.
‘Oh, wow. That’s terrifying,’ Nik smirks as Ray chats with Dutch.
“Well, yeah. I don’t like innocent blood on my hands. So, children below the age of 16 are off the limits. And we aren’t going to accept missions for someone with a family. Who wants to take away a responsible target who takes care of his family? And finally, we’ll rather take out a jackass employer than accept his contract!”
“You two are dumb sons of bitches!” Revy snorts before finishing her drink and smiling. “Be seeing you guys around. Oh, and be sure to take my guns from wherever you just hid them if you feel like you’re about to die.”
Nik and Ray glance at each other before looking at Dutch.
“Did she hire someone to kill us?” Nik inquires with amusement in his tone.
“No.”
Yet Ray and Nik could tell there was something off about the situation, and one burst of Heat and Spirit Sense allowed Nik to know what exactly was wrong!
‘Maybe I took this world for granted,’ he frowns as he sends a message.
[Nut-Cracking-Messiah: I’m going out for a few minutes to take care of some business. Be sure to chat Dutch up and ask him to look out for intriguing contracts.]
[Smexy-succu-succu: Aye aye~!]
---
It would be a lie if he didn’t say he’s intrigued by the mission. Who lets Hightable’s Assassins live? So, he promptly accepted the assignment. Anyway, it’s been dull since the Babayega’s ‘retirement.’
‘Roanapur never changes, huh,’ he scowls at the town’s wind and smell. ‘But many functioning agents grew in Roanapur. There’s also another legend—the Grim Reaper. He went AWOL on Hightable. Man, that guy sure has balls of steel, or without anyone close to him. I only saw him once in New York’s Continental.’ He muses while setting his scope and taking position.
‘Only take care of Nik and Ray. The handler said he couldn’t find anything about them before taking out Mangge ‘Ax’ Cheese. Even so, it all started because Hotel Moscow had to stir shit. Damn, those Ruskies! They never know how to keep themselves in check.’
He waits as the two members of Black Lagoon enter Yellow Flag. The information they gave to one of the Table’s informants wasn’t any better except for their interest in the twins—Hansel and Gretel. Maybe the twins would know something about the duo. It’s not his place to think all this, but he has little to do except wait. Bao is one of the more noteworthy assets in Roanapur, so starting shit in his pub isn’t advisable, but it’s not forbidden either. They can find a hundred different ‘Baos’ should they need one.
‘How come there isn’t a Continental in Roanapur?’ He sighs. ‘It would be so easy to find a good place to stay with a good ‘Manager’ in the area.’
He watches the woman named ‘Revy’ walk out of the pub but ignores the pep in her steps and waits patiently. It’s been three days since their arrival, and his handler took some time to understand the targets since they managed to disarm seven units of sea border patrol without injuring any of them!
‘And now they want to be ‘Non-Fatal’ Assassins. What has this world come to?’ He sighs. But deep down, he does find the idea intriguing. In their world, bloodshed is usually the most ‘efficient’ method. Only deviants aside from pros take joy in it, perhaps to feel as if they are doing the right thing by ‘enjoying’ it. On the other hand, pros like him understand the sins they commit.
“So? What’s your name?”
“Hmm? I go by Red Eyes because of my accuracy and how the target’s red blood reflects in my scope once I finish my job.”
Red Eyes introduces himself as he looks back at Nik before glancing into his scope.
‘Hmm. Nik?’
His body stills on a rooftop as the refreshing wind blows around them.
“Don’t be so scared,” Red Eyes notes the humor in his target’s voice. That’s good. He can use his enemy’s tactless nature—
‘Why does it feel so cold on my legs? A-Ah! The fuck! Why does it feel so open around my ass?!’
He hurriedly moves from his sniper as he finds himself entirely naked!
What the heck happened?!
Did he dream of wearing his clothes in the motel? Did he walk across half the town naked? Is that how Nik knew he was setting his sniper up here?
Red Eye glances at Nik as the man observes him before offering a kind smile. “So what if you’re a grower and not a show-er?”
T-The Bastard!
“Focus on your breathing,” Nik smiles. “And let’s start with who sent you after us.”
“You don’t know? Dutch told us he warned you about us,” Red Eye recovers his composure while calmly holding his sniper rifle. The situation is too strange, but it doesn’t change his mission!
“The Steel Table?”
“The Hightable!” Red Eye corrects him snappily. “But it’s not confusing that you don’t know about them.”
“And you won’t tell me?”
“What’s to know?” Red Eye smirks. “It’s a council of 12 strongest crime syndicates in the world that carry the official world in their pockets. Speak about them to the police—you’ll die. Tattle to the media, and you’ll still die. But you and your partner chose to interrupt their work. It was a simple assassination of the workers who betrayed the Yakuza. Now, you have their attention.”
“I’m flattered,” Nik grins wryly. “So, it’s just another den of pieces of shit, huh? But with a better fashion statement. Although, I don’t know about their naming sense.”
Red Eye stammers before tightening his grip around his rifle.
“What kind of gun is that?” Nik inquires.
“You don’t know what a Sniper is?” Red Eye frowns. “It’s one of the BEST types of firearms! My bullets can easily shoot through plates of steel!” That catches Nik’s attention before Red Eye feels a sharp pain in his head before darkness shrouds his eyes.
“That’s a dangerous gun, whew!” He sighs, snatching the gun from the unconscious assassin before sending it into his Personal Space.
Looking at the unconscious man, Nik spreads his legs and kicks him in the nuts just for extra luck as he jumps down the building away from the public eye.
---
“Y-You’re still here?!” Revy stops in her tracks as she enters the Yellow Flag, finding Nik serving the customers while others barely sit around the bar, looking at Ray with healthy caution and fear. None of the seasoned players will fall for Ray’s damsel tricks!
“Why won’t I be?” Nik looks up with a pleasant smile. “Rum, right? Coming right up!”
Revy walks to the bar as Nik himself pours her a drink with a detestably knowing smile. He slaps down another one of their non-fatal assassination business cards—The Dundies.
“Be sure to spread the word around,” she hears him speak, which shouldn’t be possible. Aren’t those agents pro? They bragged about being better than ‘Amateur Pirates.’
“If they contact you, tell them no blood’s spilled yet, and we are more than happy for additional work,” Nik chuckles, allowing Ray to add. “Just not between 12-6. A girl needs her beauty sleep.”
‘But,’ Revy downs her drink in a daze. ‘What about my Beretta?’
---
“Hoh? Is that so, Sergeant?” An amused voice questions. “You said he was found naked?”
“Yes, Kapitan,” the deep voice replies as the smell of cigars saturates the office’s interior. But the ‘Sergeant’ takes little notice of it. “It would seem that Red Eye conversed with the man before falling unconscious. The opponent uses drugs of some nature and tricks to cover his methods.”
“And he hasn’t killed a single one until now?”
“Yes.”
“How disgusting,” she sniffs slightly before smiling. “It seems we have a hypocrite in the city—and not an ordinary one at that. What are they called?”
“...”
“Sergeant Major?”
“They call themselves the Dundies.”
The name makes the woman pause before she words it out on her lips.
“What does it mean? Is it Romani? American? Sergeant? What’s that embarrassed look on your face? Did you fall for someone at first sight here in Roanapur?”
“Sigh, no, Kapitan. I asked around, and someone heard it from their mouths. The Dundies seem to be a fictional award from an American sitcom, The Office.”
“So, those jokers took out two assassins from the High Table?” She blinks, positively floored.
“Or rather,” the man proposes. “Those strangers poked the hornet’s nest in Roanapur.”
“Sigh,” she exhales a plume of smoke. “That, too. But those two saved the Lagoon Company, and we did get what we wanted. Let’s have a chat with them, shall we?”
---
“Hah?” Nik stares at the light-skinned middle-aged man with a towering stature and a scar diagonally running down his face from the right side of his temples to his left cheek. The broad-shouldered, dark-haired man looks no less intimidating than Nik when it comes to physique as he waits beside a grey car. “Buddy, we’re off duty, and I have somewhere better to be. If it’s about the job, contact us after 6 a.m.”
The man glances at Nik and a wryly smiling Ray as she tugs his sleeves before conversing with him through her gaze. Their partnership seems solid enough with this act alone as he speaks, “It’s not a job. My boss has shown interest in you two.”
“Tell him not to waste our time if there’s no job,” Nik pouts. “The simplest thing,” he grumbles as he walks past them with his arms behind his head, leaving a stunned Ray alone.
[Smexy-succu-succu: Did you not read a single word I wrote? Their boss is a damn fine character!]
[Nut-Cracking-Messiah: And? The whole reason we came with your schedule was for us to focus on other people important in our lives. Besides, if this ‘character’ is so damn fine, he should know about our schedule but decided to ignore that. Fuck that. I’m not prioritizing my friends over some stranger.]
And there lay the root difference between Nik and Ray. While this ‘someone’ is well-known to Ray, they will remain a stranger to Nik and differentiate their responses as such.
[Smexy-succu-succu: It’s just a one-time thing!]
[Nut-Cracking-Messiah: It’s never a one-time thing when it comes to people like them. If you want them to run over you, be my guest. But we both know you can fold them like a piece of paper.]
Ray blinks in surprise. She admits she hadn’t thought of that.
[Smexy-succu-succu: Fine… maybe you’re right just this once!]
Nik glances at her with a smirk before shrugging.
“I’m sorry. Tell your boss to contact us when they have something useful aside from casual chit-chat!”
Ray smiles before skipping after Nik as the man frowns deeply.
Oh, this won’t end well.
She doesn’t handle rejections all that well.
“Sergeant? Should we ‘pick’ them up?” One of his colleagues offers as he shakes his head. “No. It was merely an invitation. Let’s keep at that until Kapitan has other orders.”
---
The Next Morning.
“Hah! Damn, that was a good call not to meet a mysterious boss!” Nik speaks with a bright glow as Ray walks beside him with a pout. “Still angry about that? Look, I understand you feel some interest in their boss. But if it’s so intense, you should have gone without me.”
“It’s not about interest,” Ray sighs. “I guess I had some time to think about it.”
“What about your scar of infinity? Any friends there?”
“Hah? What brought that on?”
“Just making small talk. You don’t have to answer. I suppose I asked because you know about my love life.”
“You mean the absolute depravity that is harem!”
“Yes, that.”
“Hmph!” Ray snorts. “I’m not really building a city inside my world since I didn’t go around saving villages from a tyrant. So, it’s mostly me and my zoo!”
“Any dragons or air bison?” Nik smugly smirks as Ray bites her bottom lip. “Trade some of those fluffy cuties!”
“Nope! Ty Lee and her sisters love them.”
“Then let me enter your world and meet them!”
“Very funny. You’re cute, but not that cute.”
“I’ll meet them eventually,” Ray scoffs before stopping and staring in the distance. Nik stares at the number of cars blocking Yellow Flag’s entrance before using his usual scouting ability.
“Huh,” he blinks. “I sense the guy from yesterday. And Bao is quaking in his boots.”
“Do you sense a woman in their group?”
“As a matter of fact,” Nik cups his chin. “Only one. Her chi is no less warm than the big guy.”
“Maybe…” Ray mutters. “We pissed her off.”
Nik shrugs. It’s at times like these that bloodbending and bonebending don’t feel so ‘controversial’ to him.
***
Alternate Title: Happy Revy is a Dangerous Revy; Ray Smearing Pure Fire on Revy; The Red Eye; The Babayega And The Grim Reaper; Non-Fatality!; Nobody Leaves a Meeting With Nut-Cracking-Messiah Unscathed!; The High Table’s Response; Revy: Damn! They Still Have My Pistols; Nik Using That Undertaker Move; The Mysterious Boss; Priorities; Different Outlooks; Ray Has Friends?; The Surrounded Yellow Flag; Upstarts Fangs!; Making Micheal Proud
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