Avatar Diary— Memories of Order (2)
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Aang felt he was getting squeezed. It was sticky. It clung.
The ever-present darkness, that is. He wasn't in the spirit world, or maybe, he was. But due to the sudden shift in surroundings, he couldn't be sure.
"What is that?" Aang reeled back but everything was dark and swamp-like. He pushed his hand against the sticky surface only for his arms to get swallowed by it. Cringing at the sensation, Aang pulled back but what should he have pulled back from? It was everywhere! He could see nothing but darkness. He could feel nothing but smothered and stifled. He could think of nothing but overcoming the situation yet as he tried harder, the more troublesome things began to feel instinctively.
Seeing that struggling wouldn't work, Aang calmed himself and tried to stay still. The moment he turned still, the swamp-like sensation began to settle down, too. Soon, Aang felt as if he wasn't in the darkness at all. He felt weightless and the only thing 'tying him down' was a strange sense of responsibility that felt... foreign yet so intimate. This was the same way he felt when he met Kuruk and even with Kyoshi. In layman's terms, Aang had felt this way enough time to realize that this connection, this feeling was deeply related to his origin.
His origin as an Avatar.
"Hello? Can someone hear me? Avatar Kuruk sent me here." Aang finally called out while focusing on the sensation of responsibility as a warm, motherly voice replied, "No need to fret, Aang. Instead of reaching out loud, try communicating from within."
Aang did as the warmly-toned voice suggested and took a deep breath before trying to convey his thoughts internally. He realized what the voice meant and what every Avatar he met meant until now.
'We are all with you. Ask our assistance and we will provide it.'
At the thought of it, Aang whispered his most honest desire.
"I want to know how I can help Nik. I want to... stop evading my problems."
"Why do you believe that Koh targeting your friend is your problem? Is it because of the statement that the Avatar is the great bridge between humanity and spirits?" The voice inquired once again.
"No..." Aang looked pensive, "I feel responsible... because he's my friend."
"But does he think the same way? Has he been loyal to you, as a friend?"
Aang blinked and frowned.
"Nik has been kind to me," he whispered, "I'm the last person to attest to someone's loyalty because I ran away when this world needed me the most. If anything, my friends leaving me when I am in their need the most would only be karmic justice."
"The world will always need an Avatar, but not because of why you think. It is not the genuine responsibility but who the Avatar is."
Confused, Aang frowned and questioned, "Who... I am?"
"Yes. Of all those given identity by the Mother of Faces, humans are the ones who fed chaos the most. Yet, it was a human who also sealed chaos."
"I'm not understanding anything. Please, be clearer," Aang replied.
After a short period of silence, the voice explained, "Now that you are still, do you feel darkness pulling you?"
"No, I do not. This feels like some strange swamp."
"This is chaos," spoke the voice, "It grows aggressive when the many acts. It is fed with actions kind or evil, right or wrong. The Mother of Faces separated one into many and from the actions of many came order and chaos.
Mimicking order, a spirit by the name of Raava clung to the spirit mimicking Chaos— Vaatu. Yet, chaotic and opposing stillness, Vaatu only wished to leave the embrace of order.
This darkness is Chaos. Within came Vaatu. For eons, Vaatu and I were pulled into an unending battle just because we were born on the sides opposing one another.
Although the first humans were explorers and naturally leaning towards chaos, they grew civilized and patronized Order. With neither Vaatu nor I gaining upper hand, we remained in the cycle of battle."
"You are Raava?" Aang inquired.
"Yes, child. I was once called Raava."
"Once? Did something happen?" Aang questioned as the warm voice chuckled, "Many things did. For years to come. But I am no longer Raava. I lost that identity and became... something new."
"Is this related to Koh and Nik?"
"Yes, it is," The voice answered, "As Vaatu and Raava battled, a human chanced upon this confrontation. Child of chaos that Vaatu was, more quick-witted than Raava, pleaded mercy from the human. Vaatu lied as skillfully as he begged the human to free it from Raava and the human, inexperienced in the way of spirits and their deceitful nature, fell for it."
*Whooosh*
"Ahh!" Aang yelped as a pillar of flames suddenly tore the darkness in half. The surroundings brightened and Aang found himself staring at the rather leveled region. Trees were uprooted and there were plenty of craters around him.
"Hahaha, thank you human, you have done this world a service far beyond your wildest imagination!"
Aang 'saw' a mass of pitch-black being resting atop a gentle slope. Its shape was hard to discern. Multiple faces crawling all over its surface. All these faces painted red revealed different expressions from joy to torment. The being promptly disappeared as Aang felt 'his' body move.
He looked down to find that it wasn't his body anymore but... he, too, was a being similar to the mass of darkness that just left. However, Aang seemed to be a mass of light instead. There weren't faces with different expressions on his body but countless bluish scriptures ran down his body as if he was the history, marked the present, and predicted the future.
"Human," Aang's lips moved, shocking him for two reasons. First, he didn't have lips, and second, his voice had turned into that of a female that he was interacting with just a few moments ago.
"You have caused great harm to this world this instance."
"Harm? You tormented that spirit for 10000 years!" The human shouted, rightful indignation on his face as Aang observed the man. He looked a bit haggard. Unkempt brown hair reaching his neck and a similar beard with a few leaves sticking out from his facial hair. His clothes were torn from various ends and looked like they could fail to keep up with their purpose any minute now.
Not far from this man was a cat dear. A species noted in the directories of the monks but was said to be long extinct! The cat dear had a face similar to that of a panther but had an overall lithe appearance of a fully-grown deer.
"He lied to you human," 'Aang' spoke up once again, "He is the bringer of chaos. He affected everything in a manner harmful to order and civilization, spirits and mankind alike! I must stop him!"
With that, Aang was suddenly pulled back by an enigmatic force. He saw Raava fly off while the man left, too, thoroughly distressed at the prospects of what he had done.
"What... is going on?" Aang found himself in his body once again. Bald and all.
"Shh, this is the most important part," a deep voice shushed Aang. Looking to his side, Aang found a man suspiciously similar to the youth who had freed Vaatu.
"You are..."
"Name is Wan. I'm the first Avatar," the man smiled and introduced himself.
"But didn't you—"
Wan suddenly pointed at the most recent crater. Aang looked in the pointed direction and found a flicker of purple forming in the center. He grew silent and observed everything. Somehow, Aang felt a bit clearer as he saw a plain ball of purple light taking form. The sphere of purple moved around aimlessly and soon left the region without registering Aang or Wan.
"I know you have a lot of questions." Wan finally spoke, "The day I stopped being Raava, I became the Avatar. Human and Spirit in one. A being as loved by the physical realm as it is the target of fondness by the spirit world."
"Huh? You mean that mass of light?" Aang blinked.
"Exactly. You already know how to learn about them later, right? Just think about them and you will remember. But that is not why you are here— the story of Raava and Wan becoming the first Avatar. No, you are here to learn about one other thing Wan set free that day.
Mokshi, the Spirit of Moksha. Freedom."
Wan sighed softly as Aang listened intently. It was true. He cared more about Nik's situation than a more vivid history lesson about the origin of Avatar even though it interested him greatly. As Wan said, Aang found the trick now. Just think and he will recall because he has lived through these memories once.
"When one became many, Raava and Vaatu were born. Raava signified an order that grows civilization. Vaatu signified chaos that bred emotions in living beings to make them do something— anything. The two spirits, although opposing, can never be free from one another and they shouldn't.
Yet they were free from one another.
Free, Aang. I caused something considered... 'immoral' by this very world we are chosen to protect and maintain balance for. After all, the spirit of Freedom, Mokshi, is an offspring of Vaatu and Raava. It signifies another aspect of living beings— freedom. No, to be precise, it directly opposed primordial spirits of destiny by forming itself, causing a crack in fate. Leaving something entirely unreadable by the spirit of time and overseer of the future.
To the Spirit World... the innocent Mokshi is simply a menace. However, a crack in fate can never heal. A variable added cannot be fixed. A Mokshi born can never be killed. A freedom freed, can never be shackled by fate again."
Wan looked towards the sky with a remorseful expression. Guilt, Aang realized.
"I didn't mean to do any of it, Aang," Wan whispered, "And I will not lie. If given a choice, I would not have wanted to do any of it even if it meant knowingly keeping the fate of this world sealed. It's... just too much."
Wan aged visibly in front of Aang as the boy felt sad for the man.
"Mokshi is a spirit free of curses and can do anything it wishes. By bringing variables to this world, I and Mokshi opened our world to the realms beyond. Outsiders. Beings not from this world could enter our world and the Primordial Spirits were not happy. They sentenced Mokshi to be devoured. Every time it was devoured, it would reappear. As long as the one remains many, the freedom of will can never be returned.
However, tired of this accursed fate, Mokshi decided to leave yet a spirit of this world, it could not.
Isn't it ironic, Aang? A spirit of freedom is shackled by itself. Oh, what a damnable paradox it is."
"It's painful," Aang whispered.
"It is," Wan nodded and shook his head, "Realizing that the only way to leave it is by choosing to restrict itself to an outsider even if it meant getting bound to one individual for the rest of its life, Mokshi did it anyway. The spirit of freedom decided to submit its freedom to an outsider. This outraged the many Primordial Spirits and they had every outsider killed and devoured just to keep punishing Mokshi... for existing."
Aang's gaze flickered as he muttered, "Nik is an outsider... Mokshi chose him and now even if he can bend element... no elements, he is being targeted by Koh."
"Indeed," Wan nodded and questioned, "Would you still save him?"
"Him being an outsider doesn't mean anything. If this Mokshi leaves... wouldn't there be another one? Didn't you say that a freedom once freed cannot be bound by fate? If so, these spirits are... doing this for reasons you have yet to reveal!" Aang pursued and Wan nodded.
"It is correct. If Mokshi leaves, there will be another one but it won't be the same, Aang. The spirit birthed at the instance when chaos is freed from order means that it is as chaotic and restrained as spirit comes. It has the essence of order and chaos which is a tonic for plenty of spirits out there who wish to grow. If this Mokshi leaves, the other spirit of freedom will be born of humanity and other living beings' freedom of choice.
The first Mokshi brought freedom but the next Mokshi will be born from freedom instead. It is neither chaotic nor orderly. Neither light nor dark.
While this Mokshi encompasses all, the next one will be free of everything and just... not be useful to the other spirits."
Aang's body shuddered, "That's cruel! How could they? How could you knowingly leave it be?"
Wan smiled sadly, "The answer is within yourself. Ask, and you shall have your answer."
Not waiting for another second, Aang sat down cross-legged and meditated on getting answers. His vision shifted from darkness and he finally saw visions of the past.
His past lives befriended the outsiders. All of them were fused with Mokshi at some point in time and all were killed. Once. Twice. Thrice...
During the fourth time, the old outsider actually attacked that generation's avatar with the intent to kill.
The seventh one did, too.
Yet, while the fifth outsider managed to slay the avatar, it was devoured the next instant by a giant, distended jaw.
The seventh time, however, the Avatar managed to slay the outsider instead and interacted with Mokshi briefly.
Focusing on this particular portion of memories, Aang found himself by a cliff.
"It's seven times already—"
---
"Hey..."
Katara looked up with a dull expression when she heard someone familiar call her out. Her cheeks were stained with dried tears as Katara sat down while hugging her knees. Next to her sat Sokka with a wooden mask on his face while Aang was in front of her, still meditating with his arrow-headed tattoos glowing gently.
Seeing Katara's condition, Suki couldn't help but feel a pang of pain. Sitting next to Katara silently, Suki simply coiled her arm around her shoulders and pulled Katara closer to herself.
Katara's lips trembled again but she was out of tears. She was sad but her body... was out of reaction, leaving her dull.
"We will find a way," Suki whispered, "And we will also find him."
"Mm..." Katara merely let out a soft hum, not even having enough strength for a proper reply.
*Khcch*
The thin ice door was pushed open again as its edge scraped through the snowy surface. Surprisingly, it was Mai who walked in. She glanced outside for a moment before closing the door and observed the interior of the igloo while the two women gazed at her all the while.
"I don't know you well... but when you gave Kai some serious burns, I thought you were awesome," Mai looked at Katara and remarked, "And I want you to know... if anyone ever did this Tom-Tom, I would find a way to let my blades pierce that individual's body."
With that, Mai silently waited and continued to look at Katara. Suki grew a bit confused but she felt that Mai had an underlying meaning to her words that she failed to comprehend right away.
"You're right..." Katara whispered. Strength returning to her eyes, "I can't do anything by sitting around. Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Just bring me along," Mai had a short smile as Suki looked at Katara, "Are you sure? Pakku and Hama would..."
"They don't need to know anything." Katara waterbend a small portion of ice to turn into water and washed her face before drying it, "You should—"
"If you're going, I am, too," Suki frowned, "I want to find Nik, too, you know."
"Yeah, sorry," Katara pursed her lips and nodded.
"He's a scum, but alright," Mai shrugged at this point, impervious to the glares of the two women.
The trio soon left under Katara's masterful display of waterbending as she dug a tunnel under the ice but not before properly tucking Sokka. At the moment, Suki equipped herself with Sokka's spear and machete and the trio left the encampment without anyone else's knowledge.
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A/N: See? I told you guys that the gift from this world would be pretty op.