Chapter 147 – Private talk

"Could you not?" Said Samantha with an annoyed voice, through the loudly swishing sound of the wind as they rode on the giant spider monster back.

"What?" Asked Noah.

"Press yourself into my back and rub yourself against me like that?"

"Umm, sorry that's not intentional." Said Noah, a slight smile rising on his lips. "It's just that despite their size, the space we can sit on is quite small and I keep sliding forward whenever it moves."

Samantha turned her head to gaze back at Noah while holding tightly to the spider to not fall off at the incredible speed it rushed through the forest, which could potentially be fatal. Then she looked aside, noticing how the spider's abdomen kept moving every time it jumped over a great distance to overtake obstacles. Still, it looked like it was only partly right, plus that smug face gave Noah away. She gazed at him with squinted eyes before "tsking" in annoyance and turning away.

However, on the next jump, she felt his waist bumping into her even stronger, definitely on purpose. She pressed her lips together and kept thinking of the way her ass kept pressing between his spread thighs as he sat hugging her from behind while holding the ropes that helped them not to fly off from erratic movements of the spider's abdomen, with his hands around her waist.

"Do you hate me?" Suddenly asked Noah, startling her from her thoughts.

Samantha did not answer, keeping silent as she gazed forward thinking through the recent events. Then she gazed at the second spider rushing at the distance from the side, where her friend Kate and Danyella sat.

"I don't know." She finally answered quietly. She made a deep breath, sighing heavily before relaxing her back slightly and leaning into Noah that sat behind her.

"I don't know." She repeated the words again. "The things you did…back there in the forest. What you made us experience… I felt scared." Kept talking Samantha, as she felt Noah's hands tightening around her. He tightened his grip around her to keep her safe from falling as he felt Samantha relax in her seat, trusting her body into his hold.

"For the first time in my life I felt so scared… felt so weak, so… so shamed, so disgraced… But for the things I've done in my life, for the sins I've committed, I know that I deserved all of that. Maybe I deserve even worse. Still…that may have been the worst day of my life. Seeing my friends hurt like that, broken…I was so scared for them." She said as she closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax in his embrace. And as she relaxed the feeling of comfort that she felt their first night together immediately returned to her. Through their leaning bodies she could once again feel the warmth of those hugs and safety that night she dreamed of for so long.

"Then I met you in your human form." She kept talking as Noah silently listened to her, holding her tightly. "That night was magical. You were magical. It healed me. Life never pampered me and I learned to be content with what I have. But that night, for the first time in my life, I wanted something more out of my life than I had. Wanted to settle, to be loved. I wanted to stay there with you back then. Stay in that night. Live it forever. I wished we would not separate. Within one night you showed me that life had a lot more to offer than what I was always content with. But it was not the right time. I had to get my friends to safety. I could not stay."

"So I plunged back into my crappy world and traveled back to our safe house through incredible hardship. In the later days, we lost everything. Freedom to walk outside without disguise, our wealth that we kept in underworld banks, our connections. Worst of all, I noticed how much my friends changed from that nightmare we were through in the forest. My sister became meaner, more impatient, more temperamental. Dany…even before this, she became silent. As if closed from us. She was so hyperactive before. Then just as if a fire had gone out of her. And Kate…she looked as if she just shrugged it all off, but… Sometimes I notice the gazes she throws at us and other people, that give me the creeps. Something changed in her, I can feel it, and it scares me that it keeps brewing inside her without release. But I can't do anything. It affected our teamwork and our daily interactions. I hoped we would sort it out when we get to safety and get some time to rest. When we get time to think and talk it through, but then…" Samantha shook her head remembering what happened at the safe house and how they were betrayed by the organization they worked for once again.

"All this time the thought of you, of that night together. It kept me strong. I don't know why but it gave me strength. You gave me hope."

"Sam I…" Started to say, Noah.

"No. Not the hope that we could be together." Said Samantha, interrupting Noah thinking he was going to start saying excuses. She glanced at Brianna in the distance from them with envy in her gaze before averting her eyes with a sense of surrender. "I gave up on ever meeting you again after leaving that room. I knew it was just wishful thinking, that we could be something. Not in my situation. You deserved better… But you gave me hope, that maybe I could find light in my life again even if I drop to the bottom. So I held strong as the world was crumbling around me."

"But then those bastards came for us and this all happened. Shit just keeps getting worse and worse, and you, or that monster you, were at the beginning of it all. As if you cursed us, that day. Ever since we met you, everything around us has crumbled. By now I feel like it would not be surprising if the next moment the ground itself under my feet opens to swallow me and throw me straight to hell. And yes, I blamed you. That monster form of yours at least. I blamed you for all my misfortunes. I didn't know the man I held so dear and the monster I hated are the same. But now when I know…it's confusing."

"The things you have done for me and my friends these days... Not any close friend would go so far for others. You don't owe me anything and we surely did not know each other long to gain so much help from you. I am a criminal, a villain. But instead of scorning me, you decided to help. It makes me think…" Said Samantha, sighing deeply.

"After we met again, more and more I keep thinking that it is not the monster that cursed us all but, I did. I ruined our team's lives. With all my stupid decisions as the team leader. They trusted me and I led them into this shit of a situation. These last few days I kept hating myself just as much as I hate the monster you. And keep thinking I never deserved you and the life I dreamed of for the last months. A vicious sinner like me should suffer. It is only right, and you had nothing to do with it. I am the reason that this disaster hit us. So no…I don't hate you, Noah. More like I hate this life, hate myself, and my choices in life. And you are in my head more like a light in the darkness that made me see it, made me realize it all. I want to forgive you. And forget what happened in the forest. But… I don't know what my friends would think of you after this all ends. And they are important to me. They are my family. They are all I have left. If they hate you…" Samantha did not want to finish this line.

"Thank you, Sam. For sharing your feelings with me." Said Noah hugging her tighter to himself.

Samantha wanted to change the topic as she felt tears brimming at the corners of her eyes and she didn't want him to pity her. As she glanced aside blinking her eyes, her gaze fell at the gorgeous woman that rode with her friend on the other spider.

"So are you getting married?" She said the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes, and No. Kind of. I am not sure…" Answered Noah unsurely.

"What does that mean?" Asked Samantha with interest.

"Well no, we are not married according to human societal norms and I doubt we can ever marry in a human way. But we are married in a monster way if it could be said so."

"Why not and what's the difference between human and monster ways?"

"I am not sure how to explain. I am their man or mate as they call it. However, for monsters, it is different from humans. They would kill me for being close to any other spider woman as I am right now with you, but with anyone else, they would not really care. I am important to them as a kin. As their mate… The true mate ritual we performed connects us as no marriage can. We literally are connected in our souls. And it's not just words as it is in human vows. Because of this connection, I mean the world to them. They cherish me more than life and guard me vehemently from rivals. Like a bee hive where I am the Queen. There is a kind of genetic dominance race going on between monsters of the same species. Race for the one who's stronger. Who would rule the others. Race for dominance. It is instinctual for them. And true mates have a very important spot in this rivalry. But only within their species. They don't feel rivalry toward anyone outside their species."

"Well, normally a situation where the way that other species view this relationship would never occur, but it's a bit of a special situation for me and them."

"Is it because of your system?" Asked Samantha, turning back to look him in the eyes.

"Well, kind of…" Answered Noah feeling uncomfortable discussing his system as the last time he lied that he has a Tamer.

"Ok, so you are a tamer that sleeps with his tamed beasts. I can see where the scandal is, but she looks human enough, no one would doubt your relationship as long as you don't spill it. No?"

"They are not tamed. I never forced them…" Started to refute Noah, before sighing. "That's not the problem, to tell you the truth. Even though some nobles are unaware of the truth, high nobles are aware of who they are. Monsters like Brianna and her sister and mother are seen as Nobles in human society, with this cover-up going on for centuries, I do not doubt that relationships like that have happened a few times at least. In fact, their mother had a few marriages in the last few centuries according to all the paintings in their mansion. Nobles like to gain strength through marriage, and I doubt the fact of their partner being a monster ever stopped them. Just that this marriage is more of a sham and is simply seen as an alliance. Monsters of course can have…intimacy with humans in their human forms, and no doubt humans would fall for the beautiful looks that monsters can morph into. So for those who are aware of the secret such marriage would pose no surprise. The problem is not how monster-human relationships would be seen as, but how my relationship with their household will be seen by human society in general. "

"As monsters they are eternal. And as eternal they would not age which would bring many questions in the future from those who were unaware of the kingdom's secret. Well, this is of course something that the Monster households learned to fool people of a long time ago. It can be covered by faking death and pretending to be distant cousins. Even pretending to be their own granddaughters. This way secrets are hidden as long as they pretend well.

But in my case, there is also another problem. The problem is that I am in a relationship with both sisters and their mother."

Samantha looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, you mentioned that you are mate to the three of them, mother and daughters when we just met in the forest." She said with a disturbed tone to her voice

"Yeah, well. Actually, that would also never happen normally"

"But happened to you…" Said Samantha thoughtfully. "Well I am not surprised three gorgeous women fell for you, knowing how good you are in bed, but… " She added with a smirk. "Knowing what a gentleman you are, I'd say this would not happen because you are a lecher. My guess is, this is also because of your system, right?"

"Thank you for not doubting my righteousness, my lady. Well yeah. You are partly right. They are eternal as I said and the generation gap means nothing to them. As they don't age in a human way, a decade or hundred years is an equally scanty amount of time for them. So when they acknowledge a mate it doesn't matter how much the age gap is. Also, they don't stick to family norms as we humans do. So in a monster's way, having a relationship with their mother or with their sister is not important. What was important though was the fact that all three of them acknowledged me and all three of them were rivals in the species. That was a great problem. They look human, yes, but have the instincts of monsters. A lot stronger instincts than humans can imagine. These instincts can rule them, can force them. And finding not just a mate but a true mate is very important. And just so happened I was eligible for all three of them. Not because I or any of them wanted it, but because their monster instincts dictated so."

"But you found a way to overcome it?" Asked Samantha.

"I went to great trouble to keep them from killing each other and myself." Said Noah as Samantha looked wide-eyed at him.

"Killing each other? Even though they are family?" Asked Samantha shocked.

"Yeah, that's how much importance the true mate carries. Mothers and daughters would kill each other for being acknowledged by it. Well, I found a way to keep them from it in the end. This brought me to this relationship that is seen as sick and perverted by society. Human society asks a man to marry. If it is allowed to have second wives and concubines, marrying a mother and then a daughter is going to look…well… Not good in human society."

"Why can't you marry just one of them?" Asked Samantha.

"High nobles are still human nobles. They can close their eyes on the fact that these women are monsters but would not look well on the fact that they are mother and daughters. This would be preposterous in human society. A scandal!" Said Noah with mockery in his voice.

"I would have told them all to go fuck themselves but all Nobles have obligations before the country and the crown. If the crown forbids a marriage it is a law you must abide by."

"You think they would forbid it?" Samantha asked stupefied.

"Theressa has no doubt they would. She says it is very likely that to cover this  relationship, the crown would force me to marry someone else. This way no one would care who I sleep with and what rumors circulate as long as there is no proof of it outside my family house walls and I would look like a normal human from the side. Keeping appearance is everything to nobles even if it is immensely hippocratic." Explained Noah.

"You said they were following instincts...So this relationship is not because you wanted but could not be avoided?"

"In a sense, yes." Said Noah

"In a sense?" Asked Samantha.

"I could avoid it. But this would bring harm to them. And they mean too much for me to do that." Answered Noah and after his words silence took over as they rode in silence, gazing in front of them trying to see through the darkness that settled around them.

"Why are you so open with me, Noah?" Asked Samantha quietly.

"I don't know. Just don't want to lie to you." Said Noah thoughtfully.

Suddenly Noah's face changed from calm to worried as several more emotions flew through his expression.

"What is it?" Asked Samantha, seeing sudden fear on Noah's face.

"I lost contact with Lilly."

"What do you mean you lost contact with her?" Asked Samantha, looking back at Noah with a troubled face. "You said you can follow her from anywhere."

"That's how it was supposed to be. However, I could follow Theron's group till that kirk over there but as soon as they went to the basement my skill broke. It never happened before. I never saw such a barrier before."

"Fuck." Said Samantha biting her lower lip, sensing that her sister might be in huge trouble.