30: Fuzō’s Agony

Fuzō nodded, apparently having enough strength to sit up. She did so calmly, with her eyes closed, clearly able to concentrate despite whatever horrors she was sensing. The left side of her body drooped visibly though, weaker and more restricted by her bandaging. Fuzō then peered at her right hand, still held in Kana's, before directly meeting the girl's eyes.

"Thank you, Kana-...san. I cannot think of much else I'd rather say than this: thank you." The was a profound and unknowable look in the grey of Fuzō's eyes, even half-closed as they were.

Kana could only compare it to the eyes of a corpse, except they still showed faint light. The look in Fuzō's eyes showed something akin to that of someone who had met death, and yet found herself alive.

Eyes that had seen too much, eyes that looked through the world, uncaring at what was revealed. The image gave Kana pause before she eventually continued.

"How is it? Tell about me your condition, for I cannot look too deeply." A moment longer, she added an afterthought, "And your gratitude is not owed just to me. It took many to help you. Even now I am not sure what all I did or can do."

Again, it was somehow easier to speak truly and about simple facts. Kana wondered if she would regret being so straightforward.

Fuzō grit her teeth a bit before replying, her voice sounding tired despite the days of rest. "I cannot express how much better it is. I feel like its the first time I've ever truly slept at all. This is undoubtedly thanks to you, who banished the nightmares..."

Intrigued, Kana raised her hand and made the prompting motions she'd learned from Michiko, "About that..."

Fuzō seemed to realize something and explained, "Ah. I don't remember... how much.. how long? For some reason, whatever you're doing with your chakra... I've been able to sense that so easily, remember sensing it even in my dreams... Somehow it's grown to be a familiar sensation. Did I ever use to be this good at sensing?"

There was a lot for Kana to unpack there, especially regarding Fuzō's knowledge of chakra. But as she considered, the woman's head drooped to gaze vacantly at her lap, her long unkempt red hair streaming down across her face, before again she looked up and met Kana's eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's less so than before, but it still hurts so much... what.. did you need to talk about?" The poor woman seemed so worn out, even her voice seemed a bit ghostly. Whatever she meant when she said 'it still hurts'... looked like it applied to more than just her body.

Ah, this was strength. This woman was strong. How much was she enduring? Kana could relate to that.

Kana kept this in mind, realizing she would have to be as succinct as possible. She continued firmly, urgently. Fuzō might not stay coherent for long, despite her fortitude.

"Your condition. We need to learn more about it to help you, or cure it entirely. Whatever I'm doing that comforts you allowed me sense part of what you sense, and I know how horrid it was. So tell me, what happened to you? When did it start? What is the last thing that you remember?" She spoke in a low tone, hoping to keep their conversation quiet.

Fuzō's lower eyelids wavered at the questions, the tired look on her face coming to appear more and more despairing.

"What happened? What... we've left the Land of Rain, right? What happened can stay there, in that weeping place. I almost wish I could forget. If I try to remember... the tears might return."

Her sorrow was palpable, but this wasn't particularly what Kana needed to hear. Yet at the same time, it was hard to press further. Fortunately... Fuzō seemed to recognize this and volunteered more. With a sigh that sounded like it was killing her, she continued.

"It's... It's all gone now. My life there is over. It was killed, killed from me before my very eyes. I don't think I can bear talking about it. Even now, I'm not sure how I survived it. The Fuzō who left for the Land of Rain, the Fuzō filled with fanciful dreams of peace and aid, she died with her family. Her and her family were callously butchered and killed. And yet now, I find myself alive again. I find myself tired. I am so tired, always, Kana-san. Have I been given a second life? But..."

Despite her previous claim, Fuzō did not cry. She just looked so utterly shattered, and like she had then been handed the pile of pieces that was herself and then told to make do with that.

"I never thought death could feel so... incomplete. Somehow, I live. And even now, I feel that hatred and evil all around. So repulsive, so irritating. I have half a mind to just... let go. But you've felt it too Kana-san, you ease it even now, and you wish to save me from it? You've felt it too? Only around you can I even concentrate. Your familiarity, it shields me. With all of that, no matter how much I want to just give up and let it consume me, how could I? To my life's savior?"

For a brief moment, Fuzō almost looked like she was asking for permission to die, asking Kana to stop caring, to look the other way. So stunning was this sentiment that Kana's mouth parted, biting her lower lip. Speechless.

Seeing this, Fuzō seemed to finally abandon that thought, a wry smile drawing up one side of her lips. As if she knew she had to give up something which she deeply desired. This woman did so in an instant. Was this what it meant to be strong inside? Such willpower.

"See? How could I? Haaaaah, ...I don't know who caused it, I don't know what caused it, I feel I don't know anything anymore. I only know it began after I lost everything in the Land of Rain. After I saw it all explode." Even after saying this, she was still trying, trying to help, trying to understand. Kana could see how much she was trying.

Fuzō tilted her head all the way back now, focused on the ceiling. Even if doing so caused her to wince in pain, still she did so. The hand Kana held squeezed her own, if weakly.

"I am truly tired. Every waking moment, every dream is surrounded by the looming threat of terror. Only through your continued efforts has it abated. I don't know... how long I was out, and I don't know how much time I have left, but that time was precious. Peaceful. So what is it I should do? What do you think I should do? Did you want something... from me, to care for me so?"

Shaking away her shock, Kana began to take in what Fuzō was really saying. This was difficult indeed. Kana needed answers from Fuzō, and for this reason wished to heal the woman. Kana was sure of what she had wanted but... but now... Fuzō...

Unable to answer, Kana instead asked a question of her own, "What do you want, Fuzō-san? Besides..."

"What I've lost?" came the interruption. Fuzō seemed to get a read on her. Kana was both thankful and perturbed that Fuzō was so forthright about it.

Perhaps that showed on her face, because Fuzō gave a laugh that sounded suspiciously like coughing before reaching out with her bandaged left arm. This arm struggled and shuddered as it slowly moved, eventually coming to rest on Kana's shoulder.

Fuzō again met her eyes directly, even as Kana attempted to avert her gaze, causing the older woman to sigh again.

"Young girl, ah you're so young, too young to worry so. For now I only wish to go home. The home I left to make my own life, the life that is now over. Back home to my parents. If anyone I know would be able to help me now, it would be them. I remember a time from my own childhood, where those with similar conditions were treated. That will be the hope I hold now, I will believe in their help just as I do yours."

She also muttered once more under her breath, "I should at least see them, I guess... since I live."

Once again looking straight at Fuzō, Kana could see that the woman was breathing heavily, her speech likely exhausting her. Gently removing the arm on her shoulder, Kana supported Fuzō's body fully in her arms, continuing to channel chakra. Fuzō was only slightly taller than Kana herself, and weighed about the same as weakened as she was. It was a simple matter to lift the woman and reposition her while Kana thought about what to say.

Kana had foolishly thought herself prepared to have this conversation, or had at least organized what to ask. She hadn't expected this. She thought it would be simple. Once again the feelings of others were beyond her.

She would have to blunder ahead while she still had a chance.

"Fuzō-san, it seems I don't even know what to say, save that I also have a sense of familiarity coming from you. In truth, this sense is so strong that I sought you out, that I stayed by your side all the way here. I also share-"

Kana hesitated, remembering her own disguise... black hair, green eyes. Think, think. How to phrase this?

"I also have other questions... questions about myself that I thought... no one I know but you could answer. Yet for my own reasons, I cannot yet ask them. But your parents, you say? Let me... just ask this for now: Your hair color, is it a... family trait? I've never... seen anyone else with it." Her voice wavered frequently as she tried to explain.

Fuzō seemed very puzzled until that last bit, and grew silent as she pondered. Kana cursed her own ineptitude with words and manners all the while.

"I... think I can somewhat understand. Come to think of it, I barely know anything about you. Kana-san, this mysterious young girl whose chakra feels so familiar that I hardly seem to question it. As for my hair? Well, yes. Everyone in my family has red hair, though it varies somewhat. Even my so-" she cut herself off here, gave a shudder and then continued, "Nevermind, not... anymore. When I left home, I was told not to talk too much about my origins... but it hardly seems relevant now."

Kana remained silent as she considered this. It was definite proof that her appearance was uncommon, distinct even. It also heavily implied that her family was somehow related to Fuzō. And familiar chakra signature? She used the word 'familiar' a lot recently. Uncommon fortitude? Fuzō stared at her face the whole time, also looking very contemplative.

Kana could no longer bear to resist asking. This might be one of her only chances. "Fuzō-san, if I... what is you surname?"

Fuzō's gaze had grown somewhat bleary, but her eyebrows quirked at this.

"I don't have one, my parents discarded our traditional surname when they emigrated to the Land of Hotsprings. I never learned of it or the reason...and marriage... ...we only ever had our given names." Her expression grew vacant again, lost in whatever memories she was reliving.

That was... unfortunate. But still, a lead was a lead. "Wait, your parents also live in the Land of Hotsprings? I had planned to return that way with a portion of the Yuka convoy. I- I also flee the war, so..." Kana voice grew in speed as this train of thought developed.

Tilting her head to rest against Kana's shoulder, Fuzō struggled to raise her voice.

"Hah, I can imagine that... even after all this time away... my parents would be grateful to the ones who saved my life and brought me home. If you have something... you need to ask of them, then by all means we should journey to them together. For certain, I would be grateful for your continued escort. I fear I must rely on it."

Kana was about to respond when the sound of wood clanking echoed from behind the wagon. Fumio soon shouted out announcing his presence. Kana had nearly forgotten she'd asked to meet. Time had passed more so than she'd thought. Well, this could be an interesting opportunity too.

Glancing to Fuzō, the woman met her gaze and nodded her head in return. Despite the rest of her body growing limp in Kana's arms, Fuzō was still awake.

"I can feel it, from him too. But all the same, with you here I can meet him. I guess we should... talk, while I still can."