18: An Inferno That Forged Resolve
Deep within her psyche, Kana found herself floating within a manifestation of her mind. A landscape crafted from the mental and spiritual energies composing her selfhood, her soul, her individuality.
Concepts did not quite exist to define this space, but nevertheless it existed.From the inherent energies within, tied together with the chakra unique to them, humans were able to perform ninjutsu. Through this same process, somehow also this place was formed.
A vast ocean that seemed to sprawl into infinity, its surface perfectly still. Within and under these waters was an exquisite and swirling collage of colors that interwove and blended constantly, raging and flowing into an exhilarating and evolving artform.
Kana rested on her back, touching the water yet neither sinking nor floating. Ripples spread out where her body made contact, yet these ripples did not produce waves or distortions enough to alter the perfect flatness of this sea surface. Above was a clear and sprawling white sky, though it grew ever-so-slightly tinged with reds and oranges as an unknowable amount of time passed.
Kana wasn't sure she felt anything at all while resting here, gazing up at this sky. She just perceived sensations that lent a sense of cleanliness and purification.
Her eyes were open, and yet they were closed. She slept, yet she did not.
As if between all states, this place was a crossroads. All directions were possible, yet none were forced. Kana understood a sense that surely anything could happen here.
It was, in a sense, an expression of true freedom. This landscape of the mind, this mindscape... it was proof that she was herself and herself alone. No hostile or foreign pollution contaminated her.
Instead she felt the brilliant glow like that of the sun and stars, washing her from within and without. There was no one else here.
All of this came with an odd sort of certainty, the kind where when traced back to its roots, no simple origin for it could be found.
There were no words to express the relief this brought to Kana, who feared from the very moment she awoke that all of this was temporary, that the Shinigon could still somehow threaten or assault her. That what she had done, that those she had killed would eternally haunt her, corrupt her.
Thoughts happened much quicker here, in this place close to both consciousness and subconsciousness, both unconsciousness and meta-consciousness. Yet at the same time, she felt thoughts were more like dreams here, harder to keep track of and harder to remember.
She would have to repeat them to herself over and over to stand a chance of remembering anything clearly with her conscious mind.
Still, thinking like this gave her time to process her experiences without being overwhelmed by reactionary emotions. It was cathartic, really. Below Kana, the colors beneath the sea swirled in response to her thoughts, twisting in beautiful patterns that spelt ecstasy or agony for a conscious mind. Their changing forms built upon and merged with each other, taking a more cohesive and evenly blended palette as they diffused throughout the waters.
Appearing in this place was, perhaps, her very core trying to regain its collective metaphysical balance.
Yet just as she arrived, she would near simultaneously leave. Time here was hardly time at all, to the mind.At this realization, she felt something very small appear in the sky above her. Small and astonishingly dense, this mass lit up the sky above her in the same dyed red that colored the sky during the total solar eclipse.
Everything that was and is her mindscape tied itself to this mass, this micro-star in her mental sky, and this star in turn nourished everything within and composing her self.
Kana remembered that it was always there, long before her soul existed, but just now it was there. It was part of her. Specifically here. Or perhaps, a tiny part of it was now her.
The ritual she had usurped... it must have dealt with capricious realms far beyond just her own, planes of existence on another order entirely.
The star's light shone brightly at that realization, consuming the totality of her vision. The heat and brightness washed over her, condensing something very tightly into her, connected to her vast reserves of chakra.
On instinct, her open eyes closed, and her closed eyes opened.
Kana awoke suddenly, the sensation of cool water around most of her face.
She still lay on her side, where she'd fallen into the pond. One eye above the water's surface and one below, both her mouth and nose were completely submerged.
Raising her dripping head, Kana groggily took in her surroundings.
By now, the scenery made it clear that quite some time had passed, as the colorful forest foliage was dimmed with browns and covered with frost.
The leaves had just been starting to change when she'd arrived here, so it had probably been several weeks. It was concerning to have been out so long... Kana would have been completely helpless against anyone that could have come by.
"Would have been, could have been... I guess it's not worth thinking about." she sighed calmly, sprightly even. Her relaxed vivacity was a marked difference from the eroding anxiety Kana recalled feeling before she collapsed.
It just felt like she'd had a nice, long, and peaceful dream. A cathartic dream. A dream that matured her in ways she couldn't pinpoint.
Still, the fact that she felt fine, physically and mentally, only further confirmed the extreme alterations to her body. She stood up to stretch, inspecting her condition as she did so.
Kana had lain with her face submerged in water for somewhere on the order of a few weeks, never needing to breathe. A human would normally drown within a matter of minutes. Kana once again questioned whether she even qualified as 'human' anymore, though this time her questioning was merely rooted in curiosity rather than trepidation.
In a similar vein, she had not eaten this entire time nor did she especially feel a need to now. Her body seemed to be capable of nourishing itself as needed from her inherent energies, or perhaps via her prodigious chakra reserves.
And nourish it did, for Kana's reflection in the pond's surface revealed that she looked healthier than ever. Her skin showed no signs of damage despite her prolonged dunk in the water. The wound on her arm had also healed completely, feeling perfectly fine under the bandage.
Kana thought to remove it, but reconsidered. The gauntlet she wore would chafe on her exposed skin, but leaving the bandage on would make up for the gaps torn into her sleeve by shuriken.
With that concern out of the way, she made her way up out of the shallows and sat on a convenient rock. Everything was cold and frosty, though again the temperatures did not really bother her. Kana would prefer to be a little warmer, but all of this cold wasn't exactly uncomfortable either.
Given that most of her clothes were completely soaked from her extended, inadvertent dip in the pond, Kana should also have gotten hypothermia or something. Frozen to death, even. But again her extraordinary vitality disregarded such basic survival needs.
Holding a burst of Katon in a hand, Kana melted the nearby frost as she attempted to dry herself somewhat. Wet clothes may be survivable, but they weren't exactly the most pleasant.
Food, sleep, survivable temperature... they really seemed optional for Kana. Perhaps it would consume her chakra or slow her regeneration speed, but regardless it seemed a worthwhile tradeoff.
Reaching into her pockets with her free hand, Kana was relieved to find that her scrolls had not been ruined, as they were stored on the side of her body that had not been submerged in water. Her tantō and toolpouches had soaked for a while, though fortunately the steel hadn't had time to rust.
Another pocket revealed... some very soggy fruits, from when she'd harvested them near the trail from Mt. Shumisen. In no way tempted to eat them, Kana simply discarded them by the pond, burying them slightly.
Who knows, maybe they'd grow into a fruit tree years later.
Having settled herself by taking stock of her situation, Kana resolved herself to do some training.Hopefully, she was far enough away that no one would bother her here for a while. Apparently no one had in a few weeks, after all, or things could have been much worse for her.
She put thoughts like that out of her mind for now, seemingly better able to focus after reawakening.
There were a lot of ideas floating around in her mind, and her time asleep had really seemed to clarify some of them. Vague dreams about chakra and jutsu seemed just beyond her reach, and Kana was eager to try out her new intuitions.