Vol 5 Chapter 9: The Annoying Bard Returns Yet Again!

When it was time for the tournament to begin, we were brought to the colosseum field. There, we would sit in the rest area, which was just this small roofless corner with several stone benches we could use to sit our butts down.

The field itself was pretty much just a large patch of land with nothing in it. Not even grass. The ground was red and cracked and I could see dried blood splatters all over. The soil was so hard and dry it couldn't even absorb the blood properly.

"Gooood morning, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the preliminaries of this year's martial art tournaments!"

The crowd's cheer blanketed the entire stadium as every single seat was booked to capacity. Looking at them, I saw that most of them were demons, with barely any humans around. Perhaps because of the recent invasion, no humans dare to visit this place. After all, it's the capital of the enemy.

The MC that morning was a prawn demon, wearing a red suit that matched the color of his shell. He had with him a wand that he used to amplify his voice like a mike, spreading it to the entire coliseum.

"Now! Before we begin! Some words from our reigning champion, Lady Esana Naturia!"

As the crowd cheered once more, he pointed to the balcony at the west of the arena.  Narrowing my eyes, I could see a person sitting on a luxurious-looking black chair. I couldn’t quite make out their features however.

And then, she decided to jump down from all the way up there to the middle of the arena.

She landed with a literal bang, creating a crater where her feet hit the ground. No way she’s that heavy. So she just made that crater simply to be dramatic.

She wore a purplish heavy armor from top to bottom, with only her face and long black hair visible to the world—her helmet failing to hide both. Her weapon of choice was a greatsword as tall as she was, currently sheathed on her back.

So she's the dullahan champion, huh? I certainly feel quite the aura coming from her, unlike the other fighters here. Still, it's nothing compared to Quania. Or Isolde. So she can't be that strong, can she?

For a short moment, my gaze landed on the two mounds jutting out from her chest. It seems she's quite stacked in that department… her armor has to have boob pockets to accommodate her size…

I didn't linger for too long, however. Sherry was sitting right beside me after all.

She looked around in silence for a few moments, before she unsheathed her blade and pointed it right towards us, smirking as she did.

"Hear me, those who sought to take my seat as the Champion! You have been given a great boon, to participate in this tournament and earn the chance to face me in combat! As such, I expect a clean fight! With no magic or trickery or anything that is not your muscle or steel! Any slightest hint of such treacherous acts and you'll be disqualified in an instant!"

Guess that means enchanting my sword with wind is out of the question.

"As for you, my dear citizens! " She raised her sword up to the sky. “Enjoy the feast of blood!”

The crowd cheered once more, with some whistling as well, yelling her name. Her smirk grew wider. Clearly, she enjoyed the attention.

Afterwards, she jumped back way up there to her throne, leaving yet another crater on the ground she just stood.

The final boss… no, the boss that you fight before you get to the final stage…  if I can’t beat her, I’m sure Sherry will.

ᅠ

The rules of the tournament were simple. Almost anything goes, other than magic. You can kill your opponent or accept their surrender. Hell, you can torture them before killing them if you want. This is the Demon Continent after all. Even in the most civilized city in the entire continent, things like this are still the norm.

The preliminaries went smoothly. Too smoothly, in fact, as my opponents were so pathetically weak I was barely able to remember them. I fought some dude who looked like a weasel first, I think. Uses a quarterstaff as his weapon. Well, I simply cut it in two and put my blade on his neck, making him surrender in an instant. Next was the lamia lady. Used a poisoned trident. Threatened me with it. I simply dodged every single one of her slow blows and put my sword on her neck. She then tried to trick me, faking a surrender before spitting out a poison dart. I killed her for that. I don't like that kind of people to be honest. Last, and probably least, I fought against a big elephant dude. Tried to grab me with his trunk. I just cut it off, making him surrender instantly.

As for Sherry's fights, she was just as impressive as I imagined her to be. She first went up against some ogre who declared himself to be "the strongest S-rank adventurer in the continent". Wielding a giant spiked club, he proba thought he was a big shot. He even made some lecherous comments at her. The poor thing never stood a chance as Sherry beat him up so badly with her bare hands he cried for his mommy to pick him up.

The second opponent was a lot craftier. He was a frog demon, just like the receptionist from before, and he combined his hypnotic eyes with his sword skill, making her see false images and illusions before running in for the kill. Apparently, if it's your demon race's ability, you're allowed to use it. And he actually managed to land his sword on her once or twice, before Sherry grabbed his sword and throat, choking him into unconsciousness.

The third opponent was a bee demoness. She had brought with her a cauldron full of bees to be used as her weapon. Apparently, it was some monster bee with a poison that could kill your average demon with a single second. Too bad that Sherry was no average demon. She tanked through all the bees before punching her in the face, knocking her out instantly.

"Good job, Sherry!" I smiled at her as I watched her return to the rest zone. I finished far earlier than her so I just waited there with the other competitors who had yet to have their turns.

"Hmph, they were barely a challenge." She huffed, crossing her arms. “There’s no need to praise me for beating them up so fast.”

Oh dear she’s acting coy.

I know just what I need to do to break that facade.

I stepped forward and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, followed by a swift squeeze of her left buttcheek.

“W-w-w-w–w-what are you doing?!” She took a step back, her face turning as red as a tomato.

“What? It’s a reward kiss.” I grinned. “You did a great job, Sherry!”

“I-Idiot! You… you can’t be doing this in public, you know! And you didn't just kiss me! You grabbed my butt as well! Ooh, I so really want to slap you right now!”

I chuckled. I knew it! Cute Sherry is still better than cool Sherry!

ᅠ

We finished pretty late that day so after we met up with Myrilla and Felicia, we decided we would go to the inn straight away. Participants of the tournament were all forced to sleep in the same inn, so the powers that be could make sure we didn’t do anything shady under the cover of the night. Like stabbing your rival in their sleep, for example. Apparently, that used to be a common thing before they made this rule, according to the frog demon we spoke from before.

Heh, you can fight as dirtily as you want in the ring, but outside, you have to be squeaky clean.

Makes sense though. They wouldn’t want their fighters to die outside of the arena. Only inside. Now that’s what makes money and excitement for the crowd.

"Sir Hugo! Sir Hugo! Sir Hugooo!"

Huh? What's that high-pitched voice? Is it calling my name?

I turned around to the direction of the voice.

Only to find an elf jumping right towards me.

In a microsecond, I stepped to the side, making her land on the ground face first with her butt up in the air.

That cameltoe… those tight leather pants… they look familiar…

…

Oh, it's that annoying elf bard I met in Fiania all those years ago!

"Ooh, so cruel! Why must you dodge, Sir Hugo? This is our fated reunion after all!"

The talking butt quickly stood up, turning to face me before grabbing my hands, shaking them vigorously.

"Ooh! I get to shake the hands of a living legend! How exhilarating! It's like a dream come true!"

Immediately I could feel the burning stares of Sherry and the others. Yes, even Myrilla. You’d think she was part of my harem or something.

“I see.” Myrilla commented, still giving me her glare. “So you two met before. And you had her crotch land right on top of your face. And it was completely intentional since you knew you could’ve dodged it.”

…C-crap! Why must she say that? And, for that matter, why must I remember that incident?

That damn cameltoe! I just can’t forget that shape in those tight leather pants!

“Hugooooo!”

“Milord, why have you never spoken to me about your intercourse with this girl?!”

Naturally, Sherry and Felicia were quite upset with this revelation, to put it mildly. Especially the former, who had never met her beforehand.

“Look, you both know I’m a horrible, awful pervert.” I gave them my best, brightest smile. “It’s only natural I won’t refuse such a rare opportunity.”

“Ooh, Sir Hugo! The rumors are true after all! On top of being a genius swordsman and magician, you're a lecherous woman conqueror after all!"

"W-what?!" I turned to face her. "Where did that come from?!"

"Huh?" She tilted her head. "Isn't it obvious? You travel with so many girls in your entourage, Sir Hugo! Cute ones, sexy ones, you got it all! You even got a new one!" She looked at Sherry with shining eyes.

"Uh, not all of them are with me, you know… Like Myrilla here. She's not my lover. She's my mentor."

"Oh really?" She looked at me with disbelief. "But I'd make a better story if she is!" She smiled. "The masses want their legends to be extraordinary, larger than life itself! And you having so many wives like the Demon Lord of Wisdom is the cherry on top over all the other amazing, out of the world accomplishments you did! You were the man who fought off the Church to save a necromancer! You were the man who defeated the strongest S-rank party in the continent! And you wiped out an entire orc army, led by an orc Demon Lord no less! It's only natural that people start to think you're gunning for the Demon Lord title yourself!"

"Wait what?! I'm a human! I can't be a Demon—"

"Don't be silly!" She giggled. "They don't care whether you're a human, a demon, or even a hobbit. As long as you're strong, and you're not siding with the humans, they're perfectly willing to call you a Demon Lord!"

Aahh, it's that "strength beats all" logic of demons again…

"Hugo, this girl has been singing a ballad about your exploits for months in this place." Myrilla warned. "Everyone here knows about you."

Damn, really? Well, glad I used a fake name when I registered for the tournament then.

"Listen here, uhh…"

"Sari! My name's Sari! I guess it can't be helped that you've forgotten it! I am a nobody compared to you and your entourage after all!" She giggled.

"Right, Sari." I placed my hand on her shoulder. "We're on an incognito mission right now so I'd appreciate it if you don't go around telling who I am."

"Oohhhh!" Her eyes glimmering, grabbing my hand yet again. "Are you going to fight Lord Balthazar, Sir? That would be amazing! A fight between two Demon Lords! I see! I see!" She nodded. "Your cleverness demands you to attack him by surprise! That’s why you attended the tournament, didn’t you? You wanted to be granted an audience with him so you could assassinate him! Right at his face!”

…Oh God, why must she say that out loud? Doesn’t she realize they can be spying at us at this very moment?

Still, I couldn’t sense any of those invisible fishes nearby. So maybe we’re good in that department?

“Alright you stupid elf!” Felicia walked forward with an angry scowl. “Enough of your blabbermouth! Myrilla, can’t you erase her memories or something so she would stop talking?!”

“E-erase my memories?! P-please don’t!” She waved her hands around in panic. “I swear I’ll keep your secret safe!”

“Oh really?” Felicia narrowed her eyes. “I don’t trust you one bit. You were the one spreading around tall tales about Milord, didn’t you?”

“You are correct,” Myrilla commented with a cold stare. “This one has been singing about him for months. She certainly has a big part in familiarizing this city’s denizens with his exploits.”

“And what’s wrong with that?!” The elf fired back. “A legend should be brought forward to the spotlight to be an inspiration to all! Not hidden away!” Before I could say anything, she grabbed my hands. “Sir Hugo! Please! Tell them I was right!”

…I paused for a short moment before shaking my head.

“I’m no legend. I’m just an ordinary young man who had no aspirations to become one. You making me famous like that… it would just be a detriment to my life. So I would appreciate it if you stop.”

I stared her down, unflinching in front of those huge eyes of hers.

Once, I wanted nothing more than to be known throughout the world as a famous adventurer. As a hero even.

But, those days were long gone. I realized just how childish that aspiration was. It was born merely out of fear that I would one day die without anyone remembering I had ever even existed in the first place. Just another cog in the machine that was the universe.

But now… now that I had them.. My own family… I just want them to be safe…

"Sir Hugo…"

She released my hands, looking down to the ground, touching her two index fingers together in a guilty look.

"I don't like it—you putting yourself down like that.”

To my surprise, Sherry decided to speak up.

She walked closer to the elf as well, folding her hands in front of her chest, turning at me before she resumed her speech.

“You’re an amazing person, Hugo. There’s no doubt about it. You are the furthest away from ‘ordinary’”.

Whoa, calm down with the praise there, Sherry! You’re making me blush!

“I can see why you want to make ballads about him.” She turned to face the elf. “And to be honest, I don’t think I mind in the slightest. As his wife, I’ll be happy if everyone in the world knows about his greatness.”

“His wife?! So you really are together!” Sari’s eyes glimmered once again.

“So I disagree with Miss Big Boobs over there that we should hide his accomplishments. No. If it were up to me, I’d just challenge that Demon Lord to a fight. But, he cowardly hides in his fortress up there and he’ll surely run away if he knows Hugo is after his head.”

Hey, I’m not after his head! I just want Victoria, that’s all!

"Ooh, Miss! We are kindred spirits after all!" Sari grabbed Sherry's hands, shaking it vigorously. "Please, tell me your name, so I can add you in my tales as well!"

"E-eh? My name?”

“Yes! Your name! So I can add you in my ballads as the beautiful and cool wife of the legendary Sir Hugo!”

Hearing this, Sherry’s expression changed considerably. She began to blush and look away bashfully from the elf.

I chuckled. It was a reaction I expected from her.

“I-if you’re going to do that, then add me too!” Felicia interrupted. “I’m Felicia Myne! The beautiful witch that is always by his side!”

“Hey, don’t butt in and wait for your turn! M-my name is Sherry Izurdia. I’m an Izurd, part of the legendary demon race that once ruled the Continent!”

“Ooh, an Izurd, you say?" She took out a notebook from her pocket and began to jot down furiously. "I thought they're extinct!"

"No! We're back now! We're no longer hiding from the world!"

Oi oi oi, really? The moment she says she's adding you guys to her stories you change your minds and support her now? Just like that? Sheesh, never took you two as the vain sorts.

"Hey, make sure you add the part that I'm his no.1 wife." Sherry added, placing her hands on her shoulders.

"What?! I'm his no.1 wife!" Felicia protested, putting her own hands on top of Sherry's. "He did lewd things with me first, far before this runt tagged along. Make sure you add that to your songs!”

"W-w-wait a second! Please, speak to me one by one!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, seeing the elf getting all flustered. Be careful what you wish for!

Still, seeing both of them really wanting to be by my side at the myths… I really am grateful, having them both be my wives. It was a boon I was never really worthy of.

“That’s enough, you three! If you want to chat, then don’t do it here, in the middle of the road!”

Myrilla’s stern voice brought them back to reality. Judging by her frown, she clearly wasn’t pleased with where the conversation was going.

“Elf.” She looked at Sari. “You’ll have your interview tomorrow. Tonight, we shall rest.”

“Y-yes ma’am!” Sari replied, no doubt intimidated by her glare. “Tomorrow it is!”

And just like that, the Nerthusia ended our little meeting.