CH56 — Fighting Ambiguity

When Shen for the first time heard of the word ‘date’, she first thought of time or a new way of magic that humans invented. That’s fair honestly, she’s been living her whole life in seclusion, so of course she doesn’t know what date means. When I explained it to her what date meant. She lit up in joy and was eager to spend time with me.

And now we are on our way to a restaurant.

Away from the typical white blocky buildings to more exotic buildings, full of flashy lanterns, and colorful buildings.

It should’ve been a nice change of scenery. Even more so for Shen who spends the majority of her time idling away in the Sky Palace. It’s when we enter the restaurant when the mood shiftly changes to the bitter. At least our moods are.

As soon as we open the door and come inside the restaurant, multiple eyes drag their way towards us. And we’ve become the center of attention.

Even the people on the second floor are staring at us — at her. They don’t even bother to hide it. Seeing how almost everyone is staring at her, their eyes lit with love spectacle, and some even out of lustful desires.

My heart aches when I see every single one of those eyes staring at her full of desire. It makes me feel like I want to gouge every single one of those eyes and cover her away from those prying eyes. This intense feeling is too much.

No, this is fine. This is a normal reaction. Of course people would stare at her. It isn’t just me who thought of her as absurdly beautiful. Anyone would desire her.

「 Master… Are you okay? 」

Multiple eyes are staring at her, and yet she doesn’t seem to be perturbed by it. Am I imagining those stares or is it just me taking it too seriously? I look at the crowd and indeed my eyes are not fooling at me. It is at this moment I quickly found salvation. Row of decorated doors on the side of the restaurant, clearly meant for a private dining room.

「 Waiter! We would like a private room. 」I shout as I see a waiter passing nearby.

「 Welcome esteemed guest, 」the waiter stops and bows towards us as if it is second nature to him,「 please follow me. 」

That should stop us from having those prying eyes interfere with us. People staring at us wouldn’t make it a comfortable experience.

The waiter then escort us to the upper floor and eventually lead us to a private room with a round table and six seats. I guess only two guests for a private dining room is a bit overkill, but it's necessary nevertheless.

I take a random seat across the door. It’s all going good until Shen decides to take the seat just next to me.

「 Shen, you’re supposed to sit across the table, not next to me. 」

「 Master,  I can somewhat tell that you were slightly uncomfortable before… Is there something that matters? 」

「 Don’t worry, I’m fine. It’s just that for a second, I’m a bit anxious… about what we’ll be eating. 」

「 If that is what you wish for master… 」

She finally relents and heads toward the seat across the table.

「 We can always go back to your home, master… 」She says when she finally sits down,「 or maybe your divine realm would put you more at ease. I honestly don’t know why master wants to go to this obviously lesser place. 」

「 It’s for a brief change of pace, Shen. 」I quickly come up with an excuse,「 Aren’t you bored of always sticking in that Sky Palace of mine? 」

「 That is very much like master to consider such an heavenly divine realm as a mere ‘Sky Palace’ 」She lightly giggles in the end.

Her comments perplexes me for a quick second, for her words mean there’s strong implications in that unreal place.

Soon afterwards, the door opens along with distinct sharp spices which invade my nostrils with a sweet aftertaste. The waiter has come with a variety of dishes in hand, or should I say in his arms, for mountainous stacks of plates are all put across his entire arm without spilling no less. It’s honestly quite the miracle.

The waiter swiftly and confidently lays out the dishes onto the table, slowly revealing the wide variety of foods available. From fried fish to vegetable soups. Everything is available. Thankfully, at least there’s no strange exotic animal’s innards or squirmy bugs.

All of this food looks delicious and all, but I don’t remember ordering anything…

「 Excuse me, I don’t recall ordering anything yet. 」

「 Is this your first time coming here, esteemed guest? 」The waiter curiously asks, not delaying an answer,「 That’s expected I suppose, it's rare for Concordis people such as the esteemed guests to visit our humble shop. You pay for what you eat based on the dish plate you took of our vast assortment of cuisine. We’ll hope what we have suits your taste. 」

As soon as he finishes placing down he bows again and closes the door. Leaving us alone for the needed privacy. What a true professional.

「 Well what are you waiting for Shen? Let’s eat! 」

She seems a bit shy so I take the initiative and scoop up some food to my plate first. For a second, Shen pays extra attention to the way I eat too hard to the point I grow a bit uncomfortable with her intense staring.

Then, Shen starts to grab the utensils and pick up food, in a very clumsy and amateurish manner. Was she trying to learn the proper way of eating?

「 Shen… Do you ever need to eat or drink? 」

「 No, master. I don’t need to. Dragons do not require sustenance to live. Half-immortal. Because as you know, we can still lose one’s life from external factors such as injuries. 」

She can’t even experience the pleasure of eating delicious food huh…

For a moment there’s not much conversation. A quiet time of enjoying the food, yet it is not exactly what I want.

I want to talk about what’s been festering in my mind for days now. The anxiety I have towards the unorthodoxy in our relationship.

Even though the time is right, I simply don’t have the courage to say it to her. Because deep down, I’m afraid what I say will change Shen’s view of me. If I told her about what worries me and open up to her about my past, I’m afraid Shen will grow to despise me as a man — thinking that I'm weak.

When she’s in her dragon form, I find her a nuisance and wish she’d not interfere in my life. But now that she can transform into a beautiful goddess, I want her to stay by my side at all cost.

I really am a fucking hypocrite.

This constant anxiety and withholding, delves into silently eating. Trying out tens of different cuisines with different spices and flavors does wonders in causing my mind away from the pressing matters if only for a brief moment. Then, amidst this silent eating, I start to see a pattern emerge from her. Shen will only try the same dishes that I have eaten. Everytime I choose something, no matter if it's spicy fish or very sour chicken soup, she always tries whatever I try.

She can’t stand spicy food, it's quite obvious from her steaming expression every time the spice overwhelms her. I test out how far she will go through to eating the doof I try as I try every spicy food on offer, from the spicy eggs littered with chilis to the red beef soup with chili flakes. All of them are impossible to mistake with its bright red spices.

Yet even knowing that, Shen still eagerly tries out the spicy food I eat while helplessly trying to hold back her steaming expression, as she continuously gulps down water.

Even now, when I’m idling and not picking up any new food, Shen follows suit. Resorting to just staring at me, lovingly.

What compels her to do that? Does she have no curiosity about the other foods on the table? Why does she only ever try the food that I first eat? Is it out of love, or something else?

It makes me more certain and gathers up my courage to confront my worries.

「 Shen…  」I put down the utensils and focus on Shen, where she happens to follow the same, 「 What is it that you like or love about me? 」

「 Hmm… 」She begins to ponder. Hard. 「 I don’t know where to begin, master. There’s so many things to list. I love your cute and cool face. Your kindness~ 」

Kindness huh… What an absurd reason to foolishly fall in love with me.

「 It’s absurd that you love me and even go as far as entering a completely one-sided relationship just because I was simply nice to you. What you’re feeling right now isn’t love, Shen. It’s dependency. 」

「 I’m not sure what you are talking about, my master… 」She says, looking genuinely confused.

「 Shen… you don’t have much experience with the world. Your only experience of the world is through me. 」

「 Master, I’m not sure I understand what you are trying to say. I lived for thousands of years, far longer than any human lives. I’ve explored and met numerous other beings that the world could offer. And yet, master thought I don’t have much experience with the world? 」

Oh, you sweet summer child.

「 That’s your experience when you are still Naga, back in the ancient era — Verum Shihi Era. The world now as you know it has changed, Shen.

「 Your experience back then is not the same as it is now. Back then, everyone was hostile and were wary of one another from your explanations, but now although the hostilities are still there, the world overall is much more peaceful and more understanding of one and another. I’m sure if you go out into the world by yourself and show them your prowess, you’ll make a name for yourself and you’ll be accepted by the world.

「 You falling in love with me just because I was nice to you proves this notion. It’s easy to act nice with anybody, especially if the recipient is a beautiful woman. 」

Shen looks at me cluelessly. I need to further push the notion onto her.

「 Shen, you’re perfect. You’re a beautiful and gorgeous goddess. Anyone will be kind and nice to you. 」

「 I’m… Am I perfect? 」She asks in disbelief.

「 Of course. 」

She’s too perfect to be mine.

「 Hehehehe… Master thinks I’m perfect… 」She stupidly smiles.

「 Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect. Master says I’m perfect…. 」

…I can completely hear you, you know? Her attempt to hide her blush by looking down and with covering hands makes it all even more obvious.

「 Ehem. 」

「 Y-yes master? 」She scrambles to put up a stoic face. A faint tint of pink hue in her cheeks is still there.

「 Why do you want to be in a one-sided relationship anyhow? 」

「 Because I sense a profound connection with you, my master — my creator. There’s a sense of belonging and being a part of something greater than myself. 」

「 But how come you are so subservient? The dragon that I knew of was arrogant and belittles everyone! Not a servant who’s willing to be taken advantage of! 」

「 Is that why you doubt my love towards you…? Is that why master has been keeping distance from me…? 」

She says hesitant at first. But her words are at its mark. Seemingly sensing this, she pushes further.

「 Is… Is there something wrong with the way I serve you master? Please tell me how to prove my love towards you. 」

「 No, Shen. 」I say forcefully,「 That is the one thing I will never disclose. You don’t have to go that far to earn my love, you know. 」

「 There it is again. 」Shen says, looking slightly dejected,「 why do you always like to keep your distance away from me? 」

I knew this question would come up sooner or later. It’s just now that I truly felt the time has come. I thought I was ready to lay out everything about my life, but I’m still hesitant.

I take a deep breath. Preparing myself on what's to come. It’s about time she knows about my past. She deserves to know. No matter what happens later.

「 Because no matter what you do… or what I do… everything doesn’t work. I used to have a wife, Shen. There was a time where I would do anything for her. 」

I take a deep breath.

「 I still remember the words of marriage oath we say to one another on that once fateful day. 」

The faithful day back when I was so naive and innocent towards love. That moment in the chapel where everything felt so magical. She looks so beautiful in that white wedding gown.

Even after all these years in another world, I still remember it. These nostalgic memories which cause my heart to ache.

「 To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health… To love and cherish till death do us part… 」

Those words that meant so much to me, ended up becoming worthless in the end.

「 After four years of our marriage, I discovered she slept with another man for who knows how long… So I broke up with her. 」

Fuck. Images of her fucking that other man comes up. Even her sweet moans sounds so real and so fucking hurtful.

「 I’ve bought an elven sex slave, foolishly thinking that she will be loyal and willingly loves me. Turns out she already has a lover, and when I release her collar that binds her to me, she runs away without even saying goodbye.

「 I wonder what would happen if I were to release our master-servant soulbond? 」

Her face turns to the worst.

「 You will stop loving me. 」I answer it for her.「 Thankfully for you, I don’t know how to release our master-servant soulbond. 」

「 M-master! 」

「 Don’t cut me off, Shen. 」I say that, but it’s a bit too late.

The room mood sours heavily. I should get out what I have to say quickly.

「 I will just be direct with you. I’m a weak and broken man. There’s nothing special about me. Your love towards me is caused artificially by my careless use of my innate ability. It all won’t make you happy in the long-run. 」

And now, for the final piece. Guide her to what's the norm and my expectations of her.

「 You should go out there. Leave the cage that is my Sky Palace and experience the new world. Find and come up with your own meaning of existence. Meet all sorts of new people. G-get to know them... 」

It’s getting harder to let out these weighty words. My heart is full of angst.

「 Bond with them over the small things…. Fall in love with a man that is worthy of you…. And most important of all, be genuinely happy…. 」

Shen will definitely not be happy with me. Especially since I harbor such dark desires upon her.

「 It will be hard. It will be uncomfortable. But in the end, I can assure you, it will all be worth it. 」

I say letting out a smile. The biggest one. Trying so hard in the hope to make sure it doesn't come up as a bitter smile.

And now, I dreadfully anticipate what perhaps amounts to Shen despising me for being the weak master that I am…

「 I… I don’t know what to say… 」

Shen must be feeling completely confused now. That’s normal. Anything new and different is hard to take into.

「 I feel… privileged. Master is willing to be vulnerable and share such things with me. I’ve always wanted to know master more at a deeper level. Thank you for sharing with me. 」

W-what…?

「 In return, would you hear what I say? 」

「 O-of course… 」

She pulls a chair and drags it touching next to my seat. She slowly sits down so close to me, our elbow touches one another. In this moment of being so close together, she doesn’t hesitate to hold my hand.

「 I know far too well that our relationship is established due to your power, my creator. With your power, I’ve been given a second chance in life as your devoted servant. And I’m grateful for that. Honestly it might be the only way for me to feel and understand what love is.

「 I’m… tired of living alone by myself… I’m tired of living a meaningless, shallow life. For once I want to matter to someone. For once… I want my existence to truly make an impact on someone. And I truly do mean it when I love you. Due to the nature of our relationship it might sound forced, but it’s not. To me loving you is as natural as breathing. 」

She holds my hand harder now, without her gaze towards me flinching.

Somehow it causes me to realize… This whole time, from the moment we walked finding a restaurant, to the present now after we finished our meal, she’s been wholeheartedly and exclusively paying attention only towards me…

「 I want to be your loved one and show my devotion to you, like the vows you have said to the one before me, your wife, I have my own I wish to say to you.

「 I wish to have you, to hold you in my arms, whether you have wealth or not matters nothing to me. When you are sick I wish to be the one to restore you to health, to love you and cherish you as I already do, until the end of time. Not out of some cruel forced necessity but because of a genuine connection, whether divinely inspired or not.

「 Even if my love and devotion towards you solely stems from your divine powers, I’m glad that it was you and not anyone else. For you are the only one who gave me a second chance and showed me the way. 」

…Shen…

I… I… truly don’t know what to say…

Is she really okay with the likes of me?

….Is it truly okay to be loved?

…Do I truly deserve her?

「 It’s getting quite late isn't it, master? I can feel my beloved master is already sated and tired. 」She stands up.

「 Y-yes… you’re right, Shen. 」Her words ground me into reality.

「 Let’s go home then. 」She reaches her hand, while letting out that bright smile of hers,「 we can always talk more back at home where you’re much more at ease. 」

I grab her hand, and this time with her lead, we walk out of the dining room. I don’t know whether something has changed between us, now that I’ve confessed my past relationships. But somehow there’s one thing for sure, my heart feels a little lighter now.

…

(3rd POV; Narrator)

「 My… My… My… Just look at her. Eyes as clear as a pond. Skin as white as milk. Her long swan-like legs that shine like a blooming lotus. Soft cherry full lips. Those two beautiful mountainous peaks. And most of all, her dreamy heavenly lilac hair is as smooth as silk. 」

The young dragonkin praises her as his eyes trails around the most beautiful dragon girl he’s ever seen. Her graceful presence that sweeps everyone in the restaurant with her divine charm.

As soon as she went to a private room, he immediately changed his table to the one closer to her private dining room.

He waits in eager anticipation of her coming out of that damned private dining room so he can catch another glimpse of her beauty. And when the time comes for her to get out, he can only see her for barely a few seconds. Time flies so damn quickly in that beautiful moment. Now that she’s gone, he can only let out a big sigh.

「 Wowww…. 」Even when she’s gone, he’s still swept by her wondrous beauty, 「 I can’t believe there’s such a divine jade beauty outside of the Lungkin Dynasty. If only she didn't wear those awful clothes that must've originated from k-kankardis… komkardos…? What was it again? 」

「 It’s Concordis, young master. 」Replies a man wearing humble yet pristine clothes standing beside him. His right-hand servant.

「 I’ve seen those eyes before. It’s the eyes of a woman who’s deeply fallen in love. How the fuck does a feeble human like him have such a beautiful dragon girl. Such a great beauty isn’t fit for an ordinary man like that weak human. A dragonkin should be paired with a dragonkin. Such is the way of nature. 」

「 Should I bring her to you then, young master? 」 The servant suggests nonchalantly.

「 Heh, 」he lets out a big grin,「 and why should I allow you to do just that? 」

「 She reminds me of the missing young mistress from the Cao clan. The striking lavender of the Cao clan. This servant assumes her hair color is much lighter in an effort to disguise herself. If the young master can get her, not only do you win huge favor with the Cao clan, you’ll have ample opportunity to charm her. 」

「 Hmph, excellent. Send out some of the shadows to tail them and find their location. We'll go after them later. Remember, my initial plan here was to meet my uncle. 」

「 Of course, young master. This servant will relay your order to the shadows. In the meantime, I hope the young master have a fine night with Senior Wingtien. 」

Women love novelty. Just shower them with expansive, novelty gifts, sweep her with adventurous experience and most important of all be confident, charming and sweet in doing so.

The young human escorting her is just a plain boring human. He looks quite handsome he must admit, but compared to his qualities of deep ebony hair with his tall and broad figure? Ha! That feeble human already lost by fate alone.

Those eyes of hers, however, are the problem. The way she looks towards the man accompanying her is full of attention and affection. The way they both hold hands towards one another. The more he thinks about it, the more he becomes jealous of that sorry excuse of a human. It will be hard to charm his way out of the beauty’s heart.

If push comes to shove… Well, it’s not like it will be the first time he does things forcefully and roughly.

His clan might not be as great as the nine pillar clans of the Lungkin Dynasty, but it’s definitely much bigger than the Cao clan. That clan is waning in power anyway, he can afford offending them.

He can’t wait to taste her. He just hopes eventually the girl’s ego breaks as easily as any other girl.

「 Haha! If it weren’t for the young master. You look devilishly handsome as ever! 」

Speaking of the devil, the man he’s waiting for this whole time has arrived.

「 Senior Wingtien! It’s good to see you. Forgive me for greeting you in such an underwhelming establishment, but don’t worry, the food here is excellent. 」

「 Hahaha. Don’t worry, young master. Even if it’s a piss poor inn, as long as the young master personally chose himself, I gladly take your choice to heart. 」

The senior takes no time to sit down. Just in time for the waiter to come in and place a jug of beer.

「 So, is there any news of the Lungkin Dynasty? Life in this Canids shithole as you know it is extremely boring. 」Seeing his senior fully relaxed, he asks the question that’s been holding up in his mind.

「 Ohhh.. There’s a big one, alright. 」

Before the big announcement he takes the beer and gulps it down all the way empty, further adding suspense as the young master waits for what seems to be a huge news.

「 Sho’s clan prominent heir is killed. 」He merely states.

「 W-what? 」The young master doesn’t believe him, but after seeing the old man's unchanged expression, he’s forced to believe his words.「 How come?! Who the hell dares to face the wrath of the Sho clan?! 」

「 If they already know who’s the killer then it wouldn’t be such an interesting case isn't it? 」

「 But surely there’s clues and suspicions right? 」

「 The Sho clan young master was killed in an open field at night. The surroundings were completely devastated. As if it was the work of a dragonkin grandmaster.  」

「 Bless the ancestors…. Is this the work of the other nine pillars clans?! 」

Dragonkin grandmaster occurrences in a battle is extremely rare. Only ever happens when the stakes are high and involve other dragonkin grandmasters. And dragon grandmaster almost certainly under the most top prominent clans, the nine pillar clans.

「 To add even more mystery to the incident, they found his body buried under the ground. A rather human convention. It begs the question whether human hands were involved in the murdering of the Sho clan young master? 」

「 Those humans may be cunning scoundrels. But there’s no reason for them to get their hands dirty in killing the Sho clan’s young master. I’d say this is just a diversion tactic to add more confusion. Knowing the rivalries between the nine pillars clans. It must be the work of the Lan clan. 」

「 Even if it is true, it’s none of our business. Us lesser clans are like rats. Never, ever, get involved over a lion’s fight. Besides, your suspicion aligns with those clans. The death of the Sho’s clan young master, further deepened their animosity towards one another. Perchance… It will cause a domino effect that causes another war between clans. That's why medical and qi herbs prices have been on the rise. 」

「 Well that’s the news that is being talked around amongst the clans. 」The old man tries to lighten the mood,「 How about you, young master? What have you been up to recently? 」

There’s many things he’s been up to of course. Being a young master is not a care-free life without responsibilities and duties. Overseeing the clan’s mercantile fleet operation in Kasanra, ensuring the procurement of magical herbs in Kasanra is going smoothly, and all transactions to be fully accounted for with minimal corruption. All are just some of the few jobs he must do for his clan.

It’s a busy but ultimately boring life. He remembers the only time he felt excitement was a year ago when those lowlife Sujan Canids tried to sabotage his warehouse. The perfect opportunity for letting off his steam and spilling blood with his flowing dragon jian sword, lest his fighting skill be dull.

Now, there’s that divine jade beauty with her mere presence exciting him like no other woman has done before. Truly one of a kind. He has charmed and slept with multiple girls before but nothing is close like her. Just thinking of that dull human beside her infuriates him to no end. First thing he would do is to make sure to kill him before making her his.

「 Hmmm… Recently, I've been thinking of doing trophy hunting… 」

The young dragonkin says, as he imagines the lilac jade beauty from just before…