CH 37: Clarity
Claire had fallen asleep after the four recovered from their group activity. She stirred after a while, finding Lily’s head resting on her shoulder. The twins below her had found bedding and pillows to snuggle up in. She slowly picked up Lily and set her next to the sleeping girls. She made sure none of them were stirring before she moved to the driver’s window.
Outside, Jasmine was watching the road idly. Her eyes were out of focus as she nearly zoned the world out entirely. She didn’t even stir when the panel connecting to the coach was opened. Her eyes only left the road when Claire’s head popped out from the coach. Claire shuffled onto the seat next to her, her grey eyes watching as Claire sat. She felt Claire’s arms wrap around her, feeling the warmth of her touch. She didn’t even realize how cold she felt until Claire’s embrace started to warm her. She took a deep breath, taking in Claire’s smell and warmth before she finally relaxed.
Her stoicism finally broke, with tears forming in her eyes again. She moved her hand to wipe them, only to be stopped by Claire. “Let them flow…” Claire whispered. She tightened her embrace around Jasmine and leaned her head on Jasmine’s shoulder.
Jasmine silently sobbed while Claire watched the road for her. Claire also grabbed the reins from her, letting Jasmine sob as much as she needed. In between sobs, Jasmine tried to get her words out.
“I just… I looked forward… for once”
Claire shifted, her left hand on the reins and her right rubbing Jasmine’s back. She patiently waited as Jasmine got her words together. Her hand rubbed in a circle, trying to calm her.
“I-I actually looked forward to it,” Jasmine said through her sobs, her voice cracking. Claire set the reins down before using her sleeve to wipe Jasmine’s tears.
“Shhh… I get it.” Claire whispered.
“I felt so conflicted when I saw that you got me pregnant. It happened so fast… then it was gone.” Jasmine choked out. Claire continued to rub her back, letting her vent. “It’s irrational but… for a moment”
“It’s not irrational. Jasmine, look at me.” Claire pulled Jasmine’s face to her. “You have every right to feel upset. “
“No! I almost sacrificed the mission. I even dragged Lily along!” Her tears had stopped flowing, her frustration rising. She slapped her forehead with her hand. “I-I let my emotions take over… I took Lily in her workshop and then convinced her to join. I wasn’t thinking and lo-”
Claire interrupted her with a kiss, stopping her from finishing her thoughts. She pulled back from the kiss and pushed her forehead into Jasmine’s. “It’s okay, Jaz. Lily seems to be enjoying it so far.”
That got Jasmine to giggle, her frustration on pause as she laughed. “I heard. She’s quite the moaner.”
“Yeah, she was. Made me want to make her louder.” Claire whispered back. Her eyes returned to the road, scanning the surroundings.
“But she doesn’t need to be here. This is a monster hunting expedition.” Jasmine retorted, her frustration growing again.
“Sure, but I want her here,” Claire responded.
“Yeah, but-” Jasmine tried.
“But nothing.” Claire interrupted her. “I’m technically the leader. I want her to be here, so she stays.”
She felt Jasmine’s eyes on her, but she kept looking to the horizon. Sure, Lily wasn’t adding to the party’s monster-slaying capabilities, but she was an extra pair of eyes, and she had expertise that the other members didn’t. With her workbench, she could make more of the potions they needed. Plus, there was plenty of room in the carriage.
Claire felt Jasmine’s hands snake around her waist. She adjusted her right arm to wrap around Jasmine’s shoulders, as Jasmine rested on Claire’s shoulder. The pair sat in silence for a while, the afternoon sun bearing down on them. The cool fall air caused them to pull each other closer. For a long while, the two sat in silence, watching the scenery pass them by.
No one stirred in the carriage, so the two were left alone. Claire soaked in Jasmine’s warmth as she held her, her tears long since stopped. Her chest felt warm, not the intense heat she felt earlier, but a warming fire. As the sun slowly moved towards the horizon, Jasmine finally spoke up.
“What would you have named them?” she whispered quietly. Claire could barely hear her.
“Huh?” She said before thinking. Her brain caught up, and she shifted to look at Jasmine. “I haven’t thought about it.”
Jasmine giggled softly before responding. ”I figured… I have.”
Jasmine’s eyes looked towards the ground as she spoke. Claire moved her hand to Jasmine’s chin, bringing her eyes back to her.
“Now I want to know. What did you come up with?” Claire said, her hand holding Jasmine’s chin.
Jasmine paused and did something she doesn't often do. Her face reddened as she looked into Claire’s eyes. The embrace and topic led to her face burning up. “Uh, if it were a girl… I’d want to name her after my birth mother. A boy, I liked Luke.”
Claire pulled her closer by her chin. “You never told me about your mothers.”
“Yeah… It’s not a fun topic.” Jasmine replied. “Her name was Elaine.”
“Want to talk about it?” Claire asked, her other hand moved to hug Jasmine. She pulled her into a hug by her waist, neither watching the road now.
“I think it’s time. Daphne doesn’t remember them, but I do. I remember the days we lived together back in a hunting cabin a couple of miles from Restol. I remember when my mother introduced me to baby Daphne…” Jasmine started, her voice choking as she said it. Claire let her talk, hugging her tightly. “One day, bandits found our home. They burned our house… I saw my mom beheaded and my birth mother taken away.”
Claire kissed her forehead, reassuring her as best she could.
“I still see them in my dreams. My mother’s lifeless body… her head…” Jasmine took a deep breath, holding back her tears. “Elizabeth found us, took us in, and raised us with Sloane. I spent 12 years seething and wanting revenge. It led me down the path of an Assassin.”
Claire vaguely remembers her before they were teacher and student. She never engaged when they would talk to her. She seemed so different from Daphne, cold and distant. Barely smiled, even Ryley couldn’t get her to smile.
“I found my birth mom a year after leaving, well, her grave… She had been sold into slavery and worked to death.” Jasmine continued, her voice becoming more and more serious. “I acted out of anger in the following months. I remember killing anyone connected. My party members…”
She stopped, her voice catching as she spoke. “They were nobles. I joined them after meeting one of the members at a bar.. She was my… my lover then. We hit it off, and she brought me in and added me to their party. For a time, I began to forget about my revenge.”
Claire could feel Jasmine tense up as her emotions came back. Fury mixed with sadness. Claire began to rub her back again, trying to relax her. Jasmine’s voice broke as she continued. “I thought they were so kind and caring to me… but… they had slaves. They all had slaves. One of them even owned my mother before her death.”
Silence fell over the two as Jasmine stopped speaking. She silently sobbed into Claire’s shoulder while Claire looked back at the road. She was processing what Jasmine was saying. Her sobs grew as she cried into Claire’s shoulder. Claire held her as tight as she could, feeling a pit in her stomach. “Did you…?”
Jasmine shook her head.
“I couldn’t. They were my friends. How could I have killed them?” Her voice cracked as she spoke. “But I found out what they really thought. I was entertaining them. A poor country bumpkin looking for revenge. The butt of their jokes. They laughed at me behind my back, mocked my anger… Even the girl I thought loved me…”
Jasmine paused again as she took a deep breath. Her voice cracked when she spoke. Claire felt her chest tighten as she listened. Her own anger and empathy flared on Jasmine’s behalf.
“My anger. It needed an outlet. I had their families held hostage… I saw red afterwards and barely remember anything, but I avenged my parents. I tracked down every slaver, every bandit, and ended them… Some had even given up that life… I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore,” Jasmine continued.
Claire heard her party members stirring. She closed the window behind her, letting them keep their privacy. She didn’t even have to ask. “That explains why you returned.”
“Yeah. Elizabeth took me in again despite us both thinking those noble families would retaliate… I heard about Ryley, and it was like I was looking at myself. You were so broken.” She continued, her voice normalizing. ”Elizabeth thought it’d help us both, so she had me train you… And she was right.”
She took another deep breath, taking in Claire’s aroma. She shimmied her hands up from Claire’s waist and wrapped her tightly. “I think I finally found something else. Something besides a mission or revenge. Something I thought I had with my old party.” She kissed Claire briefly before pulling back. “Earlier just brought out so many emotions. I’m sorry for throwing Lily on you. But she was right. The goddess showed me the endgame to all this.”
Claire smiled, ”Thank you for sharing this with me. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been. And, I like Elaine. It’s very beautiful.” Claire added, wanting to cheer her up. ”We’ll talk about the boy’s name.”