CH 205: Clash of Moods

The next couple of days were more of the same. They got back into the feeling of traveling, with the watch being far easier with two more people. Instead of a rotation of watch, where two people got the night off, and the rest had it until they rotated through all six people, they could switch off. Four people one night, and then the other four the next night. It was far nicer and let them catch up on the sleep they missed more easily. While Toni wasn’t a fighter, nor had he ever been on watch before, he was able to learn. It helped that they weren’t in a dangerous area, so they could take time to teach the sheltered man what to look for.

Toni was more than happy to join in. He’d always been fascinated by knights and adventurers, so he was up for almost anything. Even the boring stuff, like how to properly dispose of food scraps, so as not attract predators. Jasmine could hardly keep a straight face while explaining everything to him because of his enthusiasm. She found it hard to contain her own smile while teaching him the most basic of things.

It was the same with all the other aspects of adventuring or their own professions. He was so excited for his first time in the driver’s seat that he talked the entire day until he lost his voice. Claire sat beside him that day while he practically narrated the scenery that passed by. When he wasn’t learning something, he was writing music. He had several notebooks with empty music sheets that he would fill in at night. Other nights, he’d be experimenting with his lute or guitar to get the right melody. He brought a certain amount of calming noise that they didn’t have the last time around.

Usually, nights were filled with either their moans or silence, but with Toni, there was music. When they’d be cooking or relaxing before the first watch, Toni would be playing a comforting tune or humming to himself. Even when they were working around camp, his humming would help the other get into rhythm and be more efficient. It was something that was missing from their last expedition.

Claire enjoyed almost every moment of her time with the five, then six of her lovers back then. But with Toni and Hannah, there were more hands to help and a seemingly endless supply of positive emotions that radiated from Toni. He was almost always smiling or laughing, like he was having the time of his life. Even during the mundane parts of traveling, he was so excited to see all of it. It was like having an overexcited kid on a ride-along.

He was also excited to learn about the other magic professions. While he knew quite a bit about combat classes, he hadn’t met many mages. He spent a lot of time with Lily and the twins to learn more about their magic. The funniest interactions came from Toni and Ana. His overexcited tone and mannerisms contrasted with her shy personality so well. Every time she explained something, and he excitedly asked a question, Ana would flinch and take a moment to compose herself. Then she’d get flushed in the face and stumble through an explanation.

Hannah, on the other hand, brought experience that let Ursa and Jasmine relax more. While Claire and the twins had more experience than others their age, they couldn’t match a knight of three years. She was serious when she needed to be and brought a different perspective on routines. Claire hoped that with Hannah around, Jasmine wouldn’t stay up for days on end like last time. She hoped that Jasmine could ease up on taking every responsibility on herself. But Claire knew it’d take time.

Beyond that, Jasmine was still acting off.

Claire and Elsie weren’t the only ones to notice either. Lily asked Claire in private if she noticed anything. During her routine physical checkups, Jasmine’s heart rate and breaths per minute were elevated, along with an increase in blood pressure. All signs of stress, but when asked, Jasmine would just dodge the question.

Ursa, too. She’d noticed how different Jasmine’s body was acting with her elevated heart rate, but she didn’t have the social skills to really ask. So she went to Claire as well. But Claire could only confirm she noticed the same. Any attempt at getting Jasmine to speak led to her dodging or abruptly leaving the conversation.

All they could do was wait for her. Claire didn’t like it, but she knew it was the only way. Jasmine would either suppress the emotions to the point of bursting or slip up. There was no coaxing it out of her. Jasmine only accidentally let slip that she’d seen Marcellus in her dreams, something she’d kept secret for her entire life. If she was able to keep an omen like that a secret for that long, whatever was troubling her now would be hard to pull out of her.

So Claire was just left with a small amount of hope that Jasmine would crack. It wasn’t healthy for the assassin, but it was the only real way for Jasmine to open up. Lily knew this best. Her lifelong friend took almost a decade to even talk about her mothers and how it affected her. All they could hope for was that it didn’t take too long.

That was the underlying feeling while they traveled to their first destination. They had a cheerful man who was almost always singing or dancing, and then there was Jasmine’s issue. Between moments of genuine happiness and glee, Claire would glance at a spaced-out Jasmine. Those cold, grey eyes blankly stared out the window or at the floor, like she wasn’t even there.

But Claire could only wait.

She hated every time she noticed. That feeling of hopelessness after she noticed Jasmine zoning out. Or when she’d fake a smile or interaction. Even the two new members started to notice Jasmine’s behavior. Toni did his best to coax something out of her in quiet moments, and for a brief moment, Claire was hopeful. But she just kept avoiding his questions and hiding her emotions.

It put a damper on moments that should be filled with joy or laughter. While it wasn’t always noticeable, it was just under the surface of every interaction. The only times she truly felt present were when they were intimate or when they were cuddling afterwards. For those brief moments, Claire got the real Jasmine back. It wasn’t a woman so focused on something she could hardly act normally; it was the woman she’d fallen in love with. Those were the brief glimpses of hope that Claire had for Jasmine to open up finally.

But it never happened.

In almost two weeks of traveling, there were only a handful of times it looked like Jasmine was going to break. Like she was on the verge of tears from holding it in was too much. But then her eyes would go cold again. The brief moments of weakness passed, and she’d return to the professional assassin. Claire’s heart would nearly break after seeing her like that, and she’d have to pretend not to notice while holding her close.

Claire was thankful for Toni’s presence. Otherwise, the entire trip would be unbearable. His humming or instruments filled in the silent moments that usually led to Claire’s thoughts taking over. The rambling of questions or speculations was silenced by his calming music. It was easier to concentrate on the music rather than letting her mind wander. Otherwise, she might have gone insane with worry.

By the time they made it to their first destination, Toni was the only one in good spirits. The rest of the Scarlet Seraphs were cautiously watching Jasmine and how different she seemed. Even Hannah, who barely knew the woman, picked up the odd behaviors of the rest of them. She, too, asked Claire about the odd behavior, but all Claire could do was shrug. They didn’t know what was bothering Jasmine or how to get her to talk. They had to hope Jasmine found the courage to talk about it.

Or maybe combat might help clear the stress she has.

That was another hope Claire had. Maybe she just needed to focus on fighting and relieve the stress she’d built up, then she could be vulnerable. But it was hard to even be hopeful for that, given how the last two weeks were.