CH 192: A Moment to Think

Claire sat in one of the pews with her head in her hands. She could feel her emotions coursing through her body, yet they did not affect her like in the past. She felt the hope of getting her brother back, the joy of finally seeing him again, yet her expression didn’t show it. She was bombarded with so much information since getting back to Restol, it was hard to even celebrate this opportunity.

She had to figure out Firewater and Silkie’s situation and how they relate to Samira. Then there was their relationship to Him. She could learn the real story of the man. But was it even worth it?

She glanced at the painting of Samira that had yet to be covered. She eyed the raven on the Lamia’s shoulder. The unknown God. What was the point of all of it? Shouldn’t she be focusing on the here and now? On getting Ryley back and liberating the men of now?

Her eyes wandered down to the Lamia in the painting, her lust guiding them. She couldn’t deny how attractive the Lamia was, the intrigue of a body like hers. Looking at her again, she really should have insisted that Samira join them. Her magic, even if it was corrupted, was extremely powerful. They could use it to further their own goals more peacefully.

But Claire guessed that Samira was hesitant to use said magic again. It was used against the people she loved and cared for. Claire couldn’t imagine living with magic like that. One that can be turned against you, to control those around you.

Claire exhaled slowly. She ignored the eyes that watched her with concern. Her lovers were silently watching Claire as she was deep in thought. They wanted to say something, but Claire had asked for a moment of silence to think. They whispered to one another, speculating on what Claire was thinking about.

What would purifying her magic even do? Would it lose the ability to compel or mind control? Or would it lose its potency? Would it change it entirely?

Claire raked her fingers through her hair. She was getting off topic. She wanted to think about how to handle getting Ryley back. They’d have to wait until he was dismissed from her estate, most likely 2 weeks before his birthday. They had two and a half months before then.

Claire smiled at the ground, remembering his past birthdays. The blistering cold mornings were spent beside the fire. She hated getting up and out of her blanket to help her mothers prepare for his birthday.

Claire shook her head.

Her mind truly was a mess. She couldn’t even think clearly. She rubbed her temples, trying to get her mind back on track. She had to think about this opportunity seriously. This could very well be an elaborate trap set up, but how would they get May’s seal of approval? She didn’t seem like the type to sell Claire out.

Claire opened the page of oaths she had made. She stared at the oath she had to May and her people. Would the woman she met go against Claire? She didn’t know. But she also didn’t truly know the woman, so she could just be naive.

She hated this feeling. Not being able to trust someone’s word due to the circumstances. Could she gamble her and her lovers’ lives on this? Was it worth the risk?

Claire shook her head again.

Of course it was. They could plan around a trap, use a third party in case of an ambush. That would put them at risk, but they could jump in to help. But that would lead to more conflict. If they were to attack Lady Lloyd’s guard, it could escalate.

That was what Claire feared.

The escalation and how fast things could get out of hand. One wrong move and they could be wanted fugitives or start a civil war. Having Toni and Hannah here seemed like a blessing, but their involvement could drag Lady Efreit in. That’s why she needed to think.

They had plans on “storming the castle,” busting Lady Lloyd’s door down, and taking Ryley by force. Claire chuckled to herself. That was such a childish way of thinking. They’d be ignoring so many laws and endangering countless lives if they just “stormed the castle.”

She glanced at the statue of the Goddess. Its undefined features were still off-putting, but the defined features were comforting. She wondered what the Goddess wanted her to do. If this opportunity were a gift from Her.

Either way, Claire thought it was best to take it. She could avoid a direct conflict with her Lady for the time being and get her brother back. The Goddess said he was important, just like Samira. Maybe after, they could get more nobles to back them. Especially if this liberation turns out to be real.

She stood up and took a deep breath. She felt the eyes on her as she collected herself for one final moment.

“Sorry, had to think for a moment,” Claire said with a small smile. She moved closer to the group as she continued. “I think it's ultimately best to take the chance on this. We’ll avoid direct conflict with Lady Lloyd before we build up our strength.”

She saw relief flash across the faces of her concerned lovers. Hannah and Ursa were unconcerned, but the rest had been discussing what was wrong with Claire.

“A-are you sure you’re okay?” Ana asked quietly. She moved closer to Claire, noticing a difference in her demeanor. “You seem off…”

“Overwhelmed with information,” Claire sighed. She had not been hiding it very well. “I’ll be alright.”

“I bet,” Elsie chimed in. She, too, approached Claire for a hug. “First, the whole Tyrant discussion, now this…”

Claire accepted the hug. She felt the warmth of the twins envelop her as she slowly relaxed. “Yeah. Too much to think about.”

“That’s why we’re here,” Elsie whispered to Claire. “Let us do the thinking.”

“I can’t have you do all the thinking,” Claire giggled. She did like the sound of that. Be more like Ursa. Be pointed in a direction and fight.

Jasmine relaxed, finally. She hadn’t expected Claire to be this calm about this. She expected the paladin to be overcome with joy and insist they get straight to business. She was not expecting Claire to need to think about it.

A part of her was proud that she was truly listening to Jasmine’s teaching. But she knew Claire was beginning to change, and that scared her. She was no longer the girl Jasmine taught, one obsessed with knights and tales of romance. Claire was beginning to get jaded and realistic.

Jasmine would miss those parts of Claire. She hoped she could have preserved that part of Claire forever. Jasmine laughed to herself. She just realized how naive her own feelings were on the matter. She should have known Claire would need to change.

Jasmine’s thoughts were interrupted by Lily grabbing her hand. She glanced at the alchemist, who whispered to her. “Are you okay?”

Jasmine nodded. “Was expecting a different reaction from Claire…”

Lily exhaled. She glanced at Claire, who was still embracing the twins. “I was too. Was expecting her to scream in joy or maybe rush to tell her mothers… I hope she’s just exhausted.”

“We’ll see,” Jasmine said, not hopeful.

Claire broke from the twins’ hug and met the rest of her lovers. She glanced at Ursa, who was idly leaning against a pillar. Claire craved something simpler, something to get her mind off of everything. Their reward for making it to Restol was a perfect distraction.

“Jaz,” Claire said with a lustful smile. “Can you grab your sister and the Carpenters?”

Jasmine felt relieved at seeing Claire like this. Not the colder expression she had during their discussion, but one filled with a lustful heat. She nodded enthusiastically and nearly sprinted out.

Claire watched her leave before turning her attention to the northerner. “Ursa. You’ve been very patient with your reward…”

She let her words hang in the air, letting them register her words. She watched Ursa stiffen before her pupils dilated. Claire smiled at imagining Ursa's tail wagging behind her.

“I think it’s time we do that ‘Praise circle’ we talked about.”