CH 109: Mercy or Justice?

Ursa awoke in a pile of limbs to the morning light creeping in. She tried to get up, but felt a weight on her chest. A small, pitiful whimper stopped her cold.

Looking down, she met Ana’s deep blue eyes. The younger twin was wincing in pain. Ursa panicked, grabbing the girl lightly. She gently inspected Ana’s body with her hands, searching for her source of pain.

“She lost her voice,” came a whisper. Ursa glanced over to see Elsie rise from Lily’s lap to lightly stretch. She sleepily looked at Ursa and continued, “Enjoyed last night far too much…”

Ursa felt a sense of dread come over her, “D-did I hurt her?”

Elsie groggily crawled over to Ana and wrapped her arms around her sister’s waist. Ana tried to speak, but her voice came out broken. Elsie rested her head against Ana’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry…” Elsie calmly spoke. She nuzzled up to Ana and sleepily continued. “She’s already asking for more… even if it hurts.”

Ursa was too stunned to speak. Both twins were lying on her chest now. Ana was awake and eagerly watching her, while Elsie was back asleep.

She didn’t know what to do. “Um, Ana…” She gently whispered, trying not to wake the others. “Are you really okay?”

Ana nodded. Just slightly. She didn’t want to wake her sister, but her eyes glowed with enthusiasm.

“And you enjoyed… last night?”

Another nod. Then, Ursa felt something poke against her leg. A clear sign of how much Ana enjoyed it.

Ursa sighed. A reluctant smile formed on her lips.  She’d be lying if she said she didn’t thoroughly enjoy last night, too. Getting to go all out and sharing the aftermath. It really was amazing stress relief.

Ursa’s thoughts were interrupted by Ana’s soft lips touching her skin. It was a gentle kiss, and Ursa barely noticed it. But she glanced down to see Ana’s warm smile. The younger twin squeezed her tightly before nuzzling her head against Ursa’s chest.

It felt warm. Very warm. The kiss radiated heat throughout Ursa’s chest as her heart began to race. She could feel her face flush as both twins calmly used her as a pillow.

She could get used to this.

Claire felt her leg bounce uncontrollably. Their next destination loomed in her mind. So did their next fight. Bandits.

It made her stomach queasy thinking about it. Fighting other women. She promised herself to overcome this, but now? As they got closer, her nausea increased. Their nightly distractions could only keep her mind off it for a little while.

“You doing okay?” Elsie asked softly. She grabbed Claire’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Not really…our next quest is for those bandits…” Claire sighed. She clung to her lover’s hand, trying to ease her nausea. “It won’t be mindless monsters or a rampaging beast…”

“Yeah, it has me anxious as well,” Elsie let out a sigh. “Part of me hopes Ursa and Jaz can cover me… but that’s not likely.”

Claire nodded. Her path, her divine quest, required her to fight. She could preach about peace, try to change minds, but others had tried that. This mission required her to fight.

Ursa, shifted on the other bench, Ana clinging tightly to her arm. Their anxiety was foreign to her. She’d been hunting since she was a child, and killing was part of her culture. Killing wasn’t taboo, it was justice. For women like these bandits, especially.

“Um, I don’t really get your struggles, at least not fully,” Ursa spoke, trying to piece her words together. She rubbed the back of her neck as she continued.”But from what Jasmine has told me about these bandits, they have it coming.”

Claire stared at the floorboard. “I know, but… I feel like I’ll lose myself.”

“Same,” Elsie whispered. She squeezed Claire’s hand with anxiety.

Ursa frowned. Their cultures differed heavily in this regard. Laws were sacred. Passed down by the Moon Goddess herself. To break those would be to go against her will. Punishment would be swiftly executed. These bandits would have been hunted down without mercy. She glanced down at Ana, whose sad eyes stirred something within Ursa.

“I don’t know if you’ll lose yourself… but I know it will change you,” Ursa said slowly. “It’s not something you can ever take back.”

“Thanks. That’s very helpful.” Elsie scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not finished.” Ursa retorted. “Part of me hates to admit it, but my berserker’s trance… it scared me in the beginning. Not being able to control myself. All the collateral damage it could cause. Hurting an ally…”

Ursa paused for a moment. A vision of her teacher flashed in her mind. Her unapproving gaze when Ursa brought her concern up with her. She took a slow breath.

“But… I pushed through.” Ursa continued. “For no other reason than my own pride and ambition… I-I realize how poor that motivation is…”

She took a deep breath. Silently reflecting on her past motivations. Her urge to conquer, succeed in combat. “I can say I enjoy combat. All of it. Struggling to the bitter end, triumphing over others… but killing a just opponent? I start to understand you gals…”

Ursa cleared her throat, feeling awkward. “What I’m trying to say is this. I think I found a better reason to fight and to kill than my own ambitions. I-I have people I’m… I’m starting to care deeply for…”

Ursa’s mouth dried up and she found it harder to speak. She glanced down at Ana again, who squeezed her arm tightly. “As long as you stick to your ideals, then you won’t lose yourself…” She got out.

Claire looked at Ursa. She had changed so much since joining them, and it was easy to tell. Her scowl had disappeared, and she wasn’t backing away from Ana’s affection. It impressed Claire.

Before Claire could speak, Elsie did. “So… was that supposed to help us? Or motivate us?”

Ursa glanced at Elsie before pondering for a moment. “I don’t know… just giving my thoughts on the matter.”

“Well… I think I get it.” Elsie said, tilting her head. “You think it will be easier because of our goals? Or those we fight to protect?”

Ursa nodded. It wasn’t exactly what she meant, but Elsie’s was better. “Yeah. I’m not saying it will be easier to get over or that you won’t have nightmares. But when the time comes, it’ll be easier for you to push through.”

Elsie let out an exaggerated sigh and pinched her nose. Before she could speak again, Claire cut her off.

“Ursa… we already knew that… but, thank you for trying to help,” Claire said gently. She massaged the back of Elsie’s hand to calm her down. “We realize what we need to do… We just wish it didn’t have to be this way…”

Ursa pursed her lips. “Yeah… but you killing these women will save others. We have a saying back home, ‘Mercy upon the cruel is cruelty upon the merciful.’” She watched Claire’s head tilt down. A pit formed in Ursa’s stomach. “It’s necessary to bring their victims justice. Past and future.”

“I get it,” Claire said, her voice cracking. “I-I might have snapped had you not killed those werewolves… they had carriages full of dead boys and I was overcome with anger and I wanted to tear them apart…but I… I don’t want to give in to that anger.”

Elsie squeezed her hand again, remembering the lifeless faces of those boys. “That’s where we think we’ll lose ourselves… to the anger, the grief, and the obsession with revenge or justice.”

“W-where… d-does the violence st-stop?” Ana croaked out. Her voice was still hoarse, but she was able to speak softly.

“Exactly. The cycle of violence has been present since humans were created…” Elsie spoke for her sister. “To you, your actions are justified. To the bandit’s sister or child? You’re nothing more than a murderer.”

Ursa sighed. This is why her people could not stand Riefleheim. Their obsession with philosophy and words. An endless cycle of debates until action was impossible.

“Yeah… I’ve met those women before. Angered that I killed their sisters, daughters, or lovers… I tried not to kill those women…” Ursa paused. “But, some would not stop after their defeat…”

“But you did?” Claire asked. Her knee was bouncing faster.

“If I had to…” Ursa admitted with a sigh. “Not proud of those… it wasn’t fair, but it had to be done.”

Heavy silence fell over the carriage. Ursa braced for their judgement. It’s true. She killed women who weren’t murderers or bandits, and she did grieve them. But she’d do it again. The truth of her actions wasn’t gentle, and she’d never lie about them.

“Balance.” Jasmine chimed in. She entered the carriage halfway into the conversation. “There is merit in justice and mercy. It’s up to you to find the balance.”