Chapter 8

"I have questions," I said, looking down at the rattan stick in my hands. "One, why are we doing this?"

"Oh, that's easy," Akane said. "You got mugged, and I'm hoping that teaching you how to fight will mean you don't get fucked up so badly the next time, as well as maaaybe teaching you enough humility that you get into fewer fights to begin with."

Which was why we were in a big, mostly-empty room in the Sakurai apartment that I hadn't known they had. They were really determined to get their money's worth out of this whole "bigger on the inside" thing, huh?

"Two... aren't you also a single-class Wizard?" I looked back up at Akane. "What exactly qualifies you to teach me how to fight with a weapon?"

"That's easy," Akane said. "Delver's Guild training, which lasts for four years, involves some pretty thorough drill in their basic weapon art, and it involves that for everyone, no matter what class they have. Just because I'm not as strong, tough, and coordinated as a real Fighter would be doesn't mean I don't know how to use a sword."

"Okay, four years of martial training does make you pretty qualified, I'll admit," I said. "So, weapons aren't class-locked or anything?"

"Not really, no. Sure, most Warrior-role classes have class abilities that synergize really strongly with weapons, and non-Warriors not having those class abilities tends to sting, but anyone with working hands can use them to hold a sword."

"Last question: what the hell are you wearing?"

"Workout clothes!" Akane chirped, standing there in compression pants and the most impressive sports bra I'd ever witnessed, which somehow managed to compress Akane's titanic rack down to a continuous bulge that wasn't much bigger than a pair of grapefruits. "You'll have to make do with what you've got until you can join the Guild and get your own set, but I think you should be fine."

"I'm not exactly in dire need of a sports bra," I said, in the voice of a transgender lesbian who, while very happy she'd gotten isekai'd to Weird Lesbian Omegaverse World, was a little disappointed that she didn't get her own set of Fat Fucking Knockers.

"Here's my question for you," Akane said. "Are you still okay, after your first day back at work?"

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine," I said, nodding. "I'm a Wizard, remember? If I'm directly lifting boxes with my arms, then something's gone wrong. Also, Veronica did come by and assure us that I was fully healed up."

"Alright," Akane said, nodding. "In that case... let's begin."

What followed was not, in fact, a frantic, hectic spar between an experienced fighter and a rank beginner. What followed was, instead, a fairly calm and sedate beginner's drill, walking me through the basic motions of the Guild's weapon art.

"Now, just because it's a weapon art doesn't strictly mean you can only do it with a weapon in your hand," Akane explained. "These motions you're going through can be used in empty-handed combat, too. But we'll get to that later. For now... Let's see the drill one more time, make sure you've got it."

And, indeed, it seemed like this basic drill was going to be the only thing Akane and I did today, which, while reasonable, still felt a bit disappointing. Still, I was learning fast.

"Perfect," Akane said, grinning. "You got that down fast. Usually it takes about two hours in the gym to get it that consistent, but we've only been here a half hour."

"Having a teacher with no other students can help," I said, instead of 'my secret sex class means that my new daily routine of titfucking and fingerblasting your cowgirls has let me completely max out my Physical Affinity stat, letting me learn physical skills four times faster than is the norm.' Because, you know. That'd be weird, and invite a lot of questions that I just absolutely did not want to deal with.

Maybe after I maxed out my Face stats...

"So, what now?" I asked.

"Now, we're done," Akane said. "A half hour of martial training a day is a nice, sustainable rate that won't burn you out and fuck up your body, so that's what we're sticking with. Maybe later on, when we've got high level stat multipliers and amazing enchanted gear, we can train for sixteen hours a day, but that's a long ways off."

"I do still have some enchanted gear," I pointed out. "My Stamina is pretty good, especially for a Level 1 Wizard."

"If you really want to keep going, then some bodyweight exercises would probably be a good idea," Akane said. "Do you know how to do a push-up?"

After a good four days of simple, repetitive drilling for a half hour- followed by another half hour of calisthenics- Akane decided I was finally ready for an actual spar.

Well. "Actual" spar. Despite my quick integration of the basic motions into muscle memory, I very much still didn't know how to use those motions in a productive way, and so the 'sparring' was mostly 'Akane attempted to teach me how to use these basic motions productively,' and was really just another repetitive drill, this time done with a partner.

At the end of that half hour of guided practice, however, Akane gave me an actual, for-real spar... wherein I mostly just embarrassed myself, being on the defensive the entire time even when Akane deliberately let up on the pressure so that I could try going on the offensive.

"Huh," Akane grunted, as she put the rattan sticks away. "You are... really not good at this. You were learning so fast. Maybe it's a temperament thing?"

"I fireballed someone's dick over two gold," I said flatly. "I'm pretty sure my martial incompetence has nothing to do with any inhibitions I may have over hurting people."

"That's the thing, though," Akane said. "You didn't just hurt a stranger, you hurt a mugger, someone who had a clear intent to hurt you, and who you had pretty solid reason to hate. But me? I'm Akane, your helpful friend, who's really pretty and funny and really just the most perfect person ever and who also wants to bang you and has huge boobs."

"I will once again remind you that you're far too important for me to risk fucking it all up by being a shitty girlfriend, even if, yes, you do have fabulous knockers I would like to rub my face all over."

Akane nodded.

"Just making sure you're aware the option is still open," she said.

"Duly noted. Now, if you wouldn't mind restraining yourself from taking passes at someone who has demonstrated discomfort with this, it would be much appreciated."

Akane blinked, and then deflated a bit.

"Sorry," Akane said quietly.

"Although..." I continued. "...Okay, this may sound like an invitation to stroke my ego, but, I genuinely am curious: what is it about me that you actually find appealing? I know why I wanna fuck you- you're attractive and funny and I enjoy talking to you- but I don't get why the feeling is mutual."

"Well, Roxy, it turns out you're also attractive and funny and enjoyable to talk to," Akane said. "I understand it might be hard to believe that someone can be attractive without boobs the size of their head, and I apologize for contributing to that misconception, but it is possible."

"Horsefeathers," I said. "Next you'll be telling me that people can have different opinions than I do, and find different things attractive."

"I know it's hard to believe," Akane said gravely. "But at some point, you'll have to come to accept the simple fact that our life together is basically straight out of a romance novel."

"...Wait, what?"

"I'm a second-generation immigrant in Dornhelm, and you're a first-generation immigrant," Akane explained. "There's common ground but also legitimate and meaningful difference between the two of us, creating a sort of tension- I know, from my parents, what it's like to be new in Dornhelm, but the specific cultural differences we're acclimating to are different. And at the same time, we're both aspiring Delver's Guild members, just... at different points in the process. And, especially important, is that I've got an excellent vantage point to witness your work ethic, and how capable you are with gently handling animals and hefting physical heavy loads and undertaking serious intellectual challenges through the semi-formal study of magic."

"...Okay, first of all, you clearly do not watch me work down at the docks, or pay close attention to how I talk about my work at the docks," I said carefully. "I move heavy shit by using magic, not my muscles. You've witnessed firsthand that I am not a buff, muscly alpha who can physically pick you up and carry you on my shoulder."

"We're working on the muscles," Akane admitted. "But still!"

"Still, nothing," I said. "From where I'm standing, I do not have much of a work ethic. I have to do all this shit to survive."

"You actually don't," Akane said. "I'm your landlady's daughter, I know what your finances are like. Your rent is three silver a month. You make more than that in just two days of work, and the rest of that money, you save up for practical things that you don't strictly need to survive, but instead make advancing easier. Like, say, enchanted underclothes that boost your Body stats. You're capable of long-term planning, and putting up with unpleasantness in the moment with the knowledge that it'll pay off in the future."

"Okay, okay, fine," I said. "But fuck, at least wait for me to actually make it into the Guild before you start ranting about how I'm the perfect self-made alpha life partner. Unless you want to do an ironic twist on the formula where I don't make it into the Guild and we have to learn what's really important in life, or alternatively I have to swallow my pride and be the submissive homemaker to you?"

"As much as I do want to see you in an apron-"

"Good god, woman."

"-I think that, after knowing you for almost four months, I know you well enough to have faith in you. Besides, we aren't actually in a romance novel. We don't have to worry about dramatic irony, or the hand of the author splitting us up in the third quarter so that we can reunite in the fourth. It's life. It follows its own rhyme and rhythm."

"And because this is life, not a romance novel, I am going to once again repeat that I've tried the romance thing before, and was bad enough at it that I completely ruined that relationship and never heard from her again. You're an adult, so I'll accept that you know what you want and not bother trying to protect you from me, but I'm still going to adamantly refuse to date my landlady's daughter because I do need to protect me from me." I sighed. "Now. If we could, perhaps, return to the less combative state of trying to hit each other with sticks so that I can get better at hitting people with sticks, that would be much appreciated."