Chapter 31

Three days later, while I still wasn't fully recovered, I was recovered enough to get up and walk around. And so, when I entertained guests in my room, it was not with me lying in bed, but rather, sitting in a chair.

(I'd gotten new chairs for my room, which I was unreasonably excited about. Partly it was because I thought they were a cool chair design, inspired by the classic wood-and-canvas director's chair, and supremely comfortable due to the fabric sling seat, and partly it was because, while I had needed to get the canvas, metal hardware, and wooden stock made by someone else, I had actually been the one to take saw, drill, and needle in hand and construct the actual chairs.)

"A Slotless Paladin Unlock, huh?" Nel asked.

"Yep," I said, nodding. "Weirdest thing, ain't it?"

"Well, considering the story you told about how that fight played out, I think you should just use it," Nel said. "I mean, you already fight like a Spellblade. Sure, you could train yourself out of that, but you've already got the thing that'll let you back that up with stats and abilities."

"The tricky thing is," I said, "I don't want to use the Paladin class. I want to have the Commander class, so I'll have access to all of the roles."

"If you go Commander, you'll have mediocre Body and Face stat modifiers," Nel said. "Now, granted, Paladin would have the same Body stat modifiers, but it has the best Face stat modifiers outside of a one-role class."

"I am on kissing terms with three different Mystic Artificers, and quite friendly terms with a fourth one," I said dryly. "Also, I'm a Level 3 Alchemist. Between enchanted gear and potions, I really am not concerned about one of my Stat Arenas being a bit less good than it could be. Besides, I already pull chicks like a champ just with a Wizard's Face stats. I don't think I really need the upgrade."

"I don't think you understand just how astronomically lucky you already are just to have the Slotless Paladin Unlock," Nel said. "A two-role Slotless Class Unlock may be the most common and least valuable variety, but it's still incredibly rare and valuable."

I sighed. "...I guess, if I really have to just suck it up and use the damn thing, that I could trade Wizard out for Spellthief, and get all four roles that way, but then my Soul stats are gonna suck, and I like having a huge magic pool."

"You are really stuck on having all four roles, aren't you?" Nel asked.

"It will annoy the shit out of me if I have access to all of the roles except one," I said. "I would really like to not go through my life being constantly annoyed at my own build."

"Considering your status as a spellcaster," Elendar began, sitting in the chair next to Nel. "You'll be getting Mystic Artificer as soon as you hit Level 5, will you not? Will you then be bothered by your lack of access to Blacksmith as well?"

"I am already bothered by my lack of access to Blacksmith," I said. "I like making things, is the thing. I even built the chairs we're sitting in. But I am reasonably confident that there are no Crafter classes that combine the capabilities of the base three at the expense of having lower stats, so..." I shrugged. "I just get to suck it up and deal with it, I guess. Unless I meet a wood elf and figure out how they get so many class slots."

Nel and El both grimaced.

"Did your parents not teach you that they are the Carmine Elves?" Elendar asked.

"Uh... no?" I asked.

"What kind of half-elf are you?"

"I'm not a half-elf," I said. "It's a long story, but we didn't have any monstergirls where I'm from. I'm pure-strain human, I'm just skinny and have pointy features."

"...Huh," Nel said. "I could've sworn you were a half-elf, but..."

"Anyhow," I said. "More relevantly, what do you two know about the Carmine Elves?"

"Not much," Nel said. "El's my familiar; she didn't really have a childhood or an upbringing. And I'm Vlandish. Kinda. My parents are from Vilane, anyway. But the Vlandish just don't have nearly as much contact with our Carmine cousins as we'd like."

"So you have no idea how the Carmine get all those class slots," I said.

"Oh, no, I very much do," Nel said. "They have the Extra Class Slot Trait, and when they reach the age of majority, they get between three and five class slots instead of the customary baseline two."

I blinked.

"...Huh," I said. "And... is there a way for me to get that Trait, or..."

"Be born a Carmine half-elf, or a member of House Vega," Nel said. "Traits are hereditary, and if there's a way to gain them after being born, then I would love to hear it."

"I would also quite like to hear it," Elendar added. "Possibly more than Neloteth would."

I frowned, tapping my chin. I couldn't help but think there was a way to do it, but... I couldn't rightly figure out what it was.

Oh well.

"Mmh," I muttered. "Well, in any event... I might trade Paladin out for Thaumaturge or Swashbuckler, and trade Wizard out for the one I can't get slotless. As nice as Mind and Face stats are, Body and Soul have a much bigger impact on raw capabilities in a delve, and those are the two-role classes that have those as the highest stats, so..." I shrugged. "Anyway, let's talk about something that isn't our builds, eh?"

I squeezed the cowgirl in my arms, humming gently as I just basked in the warm softness of her plush frame. I would probably have to stop and get some water in a few minutes, but... actually, hang on, this is a solvable problem.

I turned the cowgirl a little, and leaned in, giving her nipple a kiss, then a good suck. Thick, creamy milk flowed immediately, and I sighed happily through my nose. I had a bit of a lactation kink, I'd admit, although honestly, it was probably just the result of a fixation on big boobs coexisting with a love for (some) bodily fluids. If tit good and liquid good, then tit liquid very good, and also the last time the McElroy brothers did a funny ad read.

It helped that, from a purely culinary standpoint, cowgirl milk fresh from the tap was a very enjoyable beverage. One that, alas, I hadn't come to indulge in until somewhat recently- right before I got my new boobs, in fact.

See, by drinking cowgirl milk straight from the tap, I'd unlocked something with Incubus that I could purchase with Reified Lust (which, these days, was just piling up uselessly; I'd probably have to actually make Akane a Succubus one day if I was going to get any deeper into whatever Incubus had to offer), a set of potion recipes themed around cowgirls.

I blinked as I remembered what that set of potions included. Yeah, there was a generic set of transformatives that I'd used to give myself tits (I'd started at "as big as Akane's" and then slowly shrank them down until they stopped feeling Too Big), but there was also a potion that I'd thought of at the time as "temporarily or permanently inducing lactation," but which might really be "temporarily or permanently granting the Lactation Trait."

I pulled back from the cowgirl, using magic to clean up the trickle of milk, and carefully shifted her in my lap, putting her back against my chest like I was about to milk her properly. I knew the recipe, and aside from a few minor herbs, there were only two key ingredients: her milk and cum.

Gathering the milk was as easy as breathing for me at this point: put a clean bucket down, squeeze the titty in a particular way, and bam, there's milk. As for gathering the cum...

I reached into my inventory, and pulled out a latex condom. Latex was, after all, a direct plant product; it did not take a great deal of alchemical skill for me to dip a dildo in a vat of liquid latex and make it cure. As to why I'd made the condoms, it was a simple matter of being aware that, at some point, someone would insist on protection, and be unwilling to take it on faith that I was on birth control. That it'd be very convenient for gathering monstergirl cum as an ingredient was not on my mind at the time, but... well, sometimes the unexpected went in my favor.

Once I had the condom on the cowgirl, making her cum was trivial; took me two minutes with my fingers to milk her g-spot and prostate, and she burst like a bottle rocket.

I carefully scooped the cowgirl up, and deposited her on my bed, letting her relax and snuggle down in the post-orgasmic bliss, while I got to work on the potion. Chop and grind herbs, boil and distill and steep, mix mix mix... five minutes later, I had a hot dose of Lactation Potion. And, in the name of science, I carefully put a drop of it on the tip of my tongue.

I gasped as something popped up in my system character sheet- 'Temporary Trait: Lactation 1. Duration: 30 seconds.' Holy fuck, it worked!

I pulled out my phone, and dialed a number.

"Hey Nel," I said, once she picked up. "Got some exciting news for you- I do actually have a way of giving people Traits."

"...You do?" Nel asked.

"Yep! I discovered it a month or so back, and didn't think much of it, because the only Trait I had to work with was Lactation, and didn't even realize that was tied into the system. So if there's some Trait you wanna have, I might be able to arrange that!"

"I... Well, it's more that there's someone else I'd like to give a Trait to," Nel said. "I have it myself, if that matters?"

"That makes it possible, yeah, although there is a slight hitch to it," I said.

"Rare ingredients?"

"Kind of. If I want to make a Trait Potion from a Trait you actually have, then I'm gonna have to milk you like a dairy cow."

There was silence.

"You what?"