79 — Not Healthy

Su Ah's POV:

There was something wrong with Mia.

Su Ah noticed it the moment they arrived at the stadium. It wasn't that Mia was happy. She could be happy, in a loud, performative way. This was different. It was a quiet, deeply personal sort of elation, a light in her eyes that hadn't been there for a very long time. Not that kind of light.

A flush to her cheeks that seemed permanent now.

And the way she stared at Jae-il when she thought no one was looking.

It was a look Su Ah had never seen on her sister's face before.

It was… intense. Disconcerting. It went beyond the pride of a sibling watching another succeed. There was something inherently disturbing and… possessive in it. But possessiveness was subjective. Even the most loving and dutiful of sisters could also feel a modicum of possessiveness.

Even normal people could feel deeply territorial about someone precious to them. Su Ah understood that. She could relate.

Still, it was that kind of thing: that expression. It just gave her a weird feeling. Like an unwanted shiver, making the little hairs on her body stand up.

Su Ah watched in silence.

"You've been amazing, boy!" Yeong Gu's voice boomed, loud enough to make everyone turn.

Mia's eyes never left him. Su Ah had the barest, most unsettling impression that her older sister never even blinked. Not once.

But no, that'd be crazy, right?

"Thank you, thank you." Jae-il chuckled at his enthusiasm, but waved it off. "Wasn't all me, though."

Eun Ha's arms squeezed him again, a tight hug, in front of everyone, before she let him go. "It was all you. Jae-il, you've been working so hard for so long. You deserve this!"

Jae-il allowed himself a small, satisfied smile. "We still have two more matches to go. We'll see from there."

Yeong Gu scoffed. "My son won't let anything slip between his fingers. It's not the Cha way. Is it?"

Jae-il shook his head, another little laugh falling off his lips. Mia stared at him from the side, arms behind her back. She didn't do anything but stare. "Certainly isn't. No room for any other kind of mistake." He said.

"He's a growing boy. Everyone needs a mistake or two." Eun Ha interrupted, likely not wanting to burden her son with Yeong Gu's philosophy and pressure. "Don't push yourself too hard. Your health and happiness come before anything else."

The fact that their mother mother immediately realized the kind of pressure she could inflict by doing this and shifted focus to make sure that he felt comfortable and well-encouraged, made even Su Ah's mouth tick upwards.

Jae-il smiled down at her. "Don't worry, this body is built to win the Cup, anyways."

Yeong Gu laughed at that, muttering a low damn right—as if it was something he himself had personally handed down to him.

"Still..." Mia leaned forward. Su Ah glanced at her. Mia's hand reached up to land lightly on his arm, squeezing his bicep in a way that had Su Ah biting her bottom lip. "Congratulations. On your big win."

She offered him a full smile, a little dimpled, and genuinely warm. Jae-il grinned back at her, almost flirtily. A light sparkle danced in his purple eyes. Su Ah frowned uneasily.

It gnawed at her a little how so much closer he was with Mia than with her.

She liked being around him as well. She enjoyed having fun. She felt relaxed around him. Yet, it seemed to only work in reverse. Perhaps, in the course of the world's shuffling deck, she'd drawn the short straws.

So, what did they have in common? What made the difference? She didn't think too long about it.

"Calling it big would be giving me more credit than I deserve." Jae-il nodded once. He lowered his voice and stepped in closer. "But it was still nice to hear that coming from you."

It felt so intimate, a quiet conversation shared only by two, not meant to be overheard. It bothered Su Ah, though she couldn't put her finger on why. Mia just gazed up at her younger brother, lips slightly parted, entranced and doe-eyed.

The whole world suddenly narrowed down to that.

It was stupid.

Su Ah's mind screamed at her to look away and her stomach roiled at the sight, and it was completely irrational, yet she couldn't shake it.

It left a bitter aftertaste in its wake. She wanted it gone. Wanted the sight in front of her gone.

"Noona." Then Jae-il's voice dragged her out of her spiral.

He was addressing her. He'd likely noticed that she wasn't talking and didn't like it—didn't like her awkward self-exclusion and the way she'd closed herself off.

"What?" Su Ah quickly composed herself, noticing Jae-il's stare. Mia pulled her hand away from him and began talking to their parents. It made her feel just a tad bit relieved. She didn't have any idea what was wrong. It's just that every time Mia turned her attention towards Jae-il her chest tightened with a sick and sour feeling.

"Nothing." He said, low enough for only her to hear. From up close, she could see the lingering sweat, the fading blush from exertion, and the sparkle of victory in his eyes, and those very same orbs crinkled under his smile.

"You're quiet."

"Always am." She sighed, the breath escaping her lips as if she had been holding it without realizing.

"True." Jae-il conceded, nodding slowly as if giving careful thought to his next words. "But you've got that little gloomy cloud hanging over your head. Is it related to your writing, perhaps?"

Su Ah couldn't help but blush at that. The reminder that she was sitting on an empty word document, desperately trying to translate a handful of words to paper, didn't please her. She coughed to hide her flustered surprise. "No... it's not that."

"Then, is it..." He paused for a moment, searching her face. "Is it me?"

"......!"

She made a squeak-like sound, not expecting that, which was funny because she should have expected just about anything and everything from him at this point. She found herself shifting on her feet and crossing her arms over her chest. "It's nothing. I swear. Don't be conceited." She didn't want to sound rough, really. It was just her defense mechanism.

"Hey, hey... what's going on here? Hmm? Hmm?" Mia chirped, getting between them like an interfering squirrel, and linking their arms together.

Su Ah had never so viscerally hated an animal until today.

"Nothing, Noona." Jae-il turned his gaze back to Mia, throwing a fleeting, unreadable glance at Su Ah before replying. "Just chatting with Su Ah Noona, is all. It's rare we have the time to be alone and actually talk these days. With everything..."

His tone was deliberately casual.

"Oh, is that right?" Mia withdrew her arm from around Su Ah, though she held tighter onto to Jae-il, pulling him just a little closer.

Su Ah glanced between their linked arms. The distance of their bodies, which was none. Mia's ample assets were

Eun Ha clapped her hands with bright-eyed enthusiasm, her warm smile breaking the slight tension in the air. "My, Mia and Jae-il sure are getting along wonderfully, aren't they?"

"They certainly are." Yeong Gu agreed with a wide, close-eyed smile. He tried resting his hand on her back, but the woman moved in a subtle way as if not really wanting the contact.

Su Ah noticed it—she noticed many things, in fact.

The tension between her parents, and the tension between her siblings. Of course, the catalyst behind each one of them was wholly different, that much she could tell.

'Why are you looking at him like that, Unnie?'

It was on the tip of her tongue. Her voice stuck in her throat.

Mia's eyes lingered on their brother too long, fingers brushing against his arm as if by accident. And Jae-il—he let her, almost like he leaned into the touch.

'And why are you looking at her like that, Jae-il?'

Why was his gaze never leaving her? That was probably the worst of it. She could expect such clinginess and possessiveness from Mia, but Jae-il, that mature, talented boy had always been more responsible. Always doing the correct thing.

She had never seen them like this. Not this, come on—glances that lasted too many seconds, subtle touches, nothing that anyone else would notice, but to her eyes the dots were connecting, and the picture they were shaping was one that had her stomach burn.

She couldn't tell whether it was jealousy or dread. Maybe both. Maybe a thousand other things, but not good ones. 'This isn't healthy.' She was spiraling. 'This isn't going to end well.'

Mia stood on the tip of her toes to whisper something in Jae-il's ear, which elicited a chuckle from him. As for her older sister, she bounced back down on her heels and gave him a look that made Su Ah absolutely—

She squeezed her eyes shut. She could bury it if she couldn't see it. Isn't that the rule of self-preservation? Right?

Briefly, she let the delusion wash over her, a hollow fantasy where there was no truth here. Nothing broken at all.

Perhaps, the truth was far sinister than either of them let on, Su Ah included. If she were being honest, her hands weren't completely clean either.

She hadn't crossed any unforgivable lines, not yet, but she had danced dangerously close to them, under the pretense that a fantasy was and would always be that. A fantasy.

She allowed her thoughts to wander where they should never go.

So, it wasn't dread what she felt, but a bitter envy that boiled inside her chest whenever she watched Jae-il with Mia.

There was a familiarity between them, an ease of affection he never showed her, never would, nor should.

It gnawed at her because the dark truth was that she wanted what Mia had.

Secretly, shamefully.

Maybe she'd never take a bite of that fruit even if she had it, but watching someone else, possibly, enjoying the sweet nectar of something she could only keep her distance from—because it was the right fucking thing to do—it kind of let her down.

And knowing this, this disgusting knowledge was a bitter thing, an acidic feeling at the bottom of her stomach.

It just made her uncomfortable, and uneasy.

And all she could think about, standing next to this dysunfunctional, oblivious family, watching her two siblings chat quietly and act as if nothing was wrong, was—

'This isn't healthy, at all...'

Neither for their parents, who were clearly dealing with their own widening crack.

Neither for Jae-il and Mia themselves, for what they had on their hands was a ticking sugar-coated bomb.

And, unfortunately, neither for Su Ah, who felt she was just as part of this circus as Mia herself was.