67 — Intermission ~ Su Ah’s Washing Machine Heart

Su Ah's POV:

After finishing off that shameless endeavor and the need to bury herself alive right after. Su Ah peered at the digital clock on the TV.

It was way beyond the middle-of-the-night-for-her time, and way earlier than the morning-for-normal-people time.

The sheets were so soaked that they were cold and damp against her skin as she attempted, in vain, to get a hold of herself.

Fuck it. Su Ah stood up, her legs like jelly. The red flush on her face wasn't something she could wash off so easily, nor that particular glint in her eyes that seemed so alive it was like a light had been ignited and refused to die out. She was ashamed of her stupid thoughts, but God—it had felt so good.

With a sigh, she grabbed the damp, sullied sheets, threw them in a heap and trudged towards the laundry room like a living corpse. She was met with the faint whiffs of jasmine-scented softener as she threw the bedding in the washer and pressed start.

Then she slowly slid down the wall, her knees pressing against her chest. Her arms wrapped around her knees as she lowered her chin to rest upon them, and began to ponder.

But pondering was far from easy, when the image of Jae-il's smile kept popping up in her head. That goddamned, infuriating, annoying, irritating, charming, handsome, captivating, fucking...

Her mind trailed off in frustration.

Su Ah let her head fall back and thud softly against the wall, then took in a deep, steady breath. She couldn't believe that she'd been writing and thinking of that idiot so much that her mind had decided to go haywire and throw her own sanity off the window.

She couldn't even bring herself to blame anyone other than herself for this.

Her mind continued to spiral down in her thoughts until a faint creak startled her back into the moment. Su Ah looked to the door and saw Mia standing there, her hair disheveled, a perpetually frustrated scowl marring her features.

Most surprisingly, Mia had her own bundle of dirty laundry, and a familiar, shamefaced flush that mirrored her own. Her sister was wearing a shirt that Su Ah didn't even know existed in her wardrobe.

Mia looked at her, and Su Ah stared right back.

"......"

"......"

"......"

"......"

Mia opened the washing machine, threw the clothes inside and started the laundry. Neither one of them made a move to speak or exchange pleasantries. Su Ah stared at her sister's shirt and Mia's gaze lingered on Su Ah's messy, unbrushed hair. The silence dragged on, becoming awkward.

And it became increasingly apparent what Mia had been doing, not that Su Ah was going to point fingers. She couldn't possibly, especially in her current predicament. Besides, it wasn't like this was the first time either of them had been... busy with their own devices. It just happened to be that their schedules coincided.

Finally, Mia cleared her throat and spoke up, trying to break the ice. "I, uh, couldn't sleep." She mumbled. "So, I figured I'd catch up on some laundry."

Su Ah nodded wordlessly, her eyes glazing over. "Yeah, me too. Laundry and stuff." She said, trying not to sound like an idiot. "Couldn't sleep either."

They exchanged awkward glances, unsure of what else to say.

Su Ah, despite the embarrassment of the situation, still looked deep into her stupid Unnie's eyes. "You've been out of it, lately. Mom's worried." The younger sister added in an undertone, breaking eye contact with her older sister. She didn't want Mia to know of the fact that she had noticed how odd it was that her sister had been acting.

She wasn't one to show worry, and her older sister, being the stubborn, independent, prideful and headstrong woman that she was, wouldn't appreciate her meddling in affairs that did not concern her. Only Jae-il could say the right word, at the right fucking time, to calm her down.

Only the boy who made Su Ah's heart flutter in a strange, unfamiliar way that she had yet to fully come to terms with.

"I'm fine." Mia said, her voice tight. "I'm just stressed out, is all."

Su Ah couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for her. "It's okay…" She said, tentatively. "To not be okay sometimes. You don't have to pretend."

Her sister's eyes flickered with something Su Ah couldn't quite read, before she smiled, albeit a little wryly. "Thanks, Su Ah." She said. "I'll try to keep that in mind." She looked at her and gave her a small nod. "I'll be okay. Really. I'm kinda sleepy right now. So…"

"Right…" Su Ah sighed, glancing down and tightening her hold on her knees.

And Mia took that as an opportunity to slip away and disappear back into her room, as quickly as possible.

Seriously, what was going on? Had they been infected by the same disease? She could scarcely believe this was the same house she grew up in. The walls had shrunk in, folding the space and filling it up with silence. A hollow, meaningless quietness. Father was always in-and-out, never staying for too long now that Jae-il was no longer around. He'd drop by for a measly few days then leave for an even longer business trip.

Mia wasn't like her usual self. She had been quite quiet and reserved, looking like a zombie whenever Su Ah had a glance of her. Quiet. Withdrawn. Always thinking about something that had her face turn sour, eager, or wistful. Of course, Su Ah herself had never really been an active person when it came to her family activities, so she couldn't really judge or comment on what was happening around her.

However, she could see how their mother wasn't better off either. Though this was more of a by-product of her own daughters behaving like depressed ducks. Still, it was glaringly, annoyingly obvious how the absence of her equally annoyingly handsome brother had left a crack that ran through their previously stable, close knit household. The dinners were shorter. The conversations felt forced.

"......"

When the machine finally buzzed, Su Ah mechanically took her laundry out, hung it out to dry, and crawled back into her bed. She laid on her side, staring at the ceiling for a long while. The fan spun on and on and on, the clock ticked incessantly, and the wind blew against her window, making the curtains sway ever-so-gently. Sleep eluded her.

She grabbed her phone, scrolling through her chat history with Jae-il. Not much to be read.

The conversations were sparse and brief, as usual, with the exception of a particular night where they spoke for what seemed like forever. At least to her. She had never really texted someone so much, for so long. Reading those old messages brought a pleasant sensation, as well as an unexpected warmth, filling the cold, dark emptiness inside of her.

A smile broke her stoic face.

She began typing. It wasn't hard at all. It just seemed to come naturally, like breathing.

You: Are you sleep?

It took a good minute before he read it, and then the chat bubbles appeared.

Jae-il: Nope.

She didn't have anything to say, but she was desperate for anything that'd take her mind off the shameless things she did while thinking of him. So she typed the first thing that popped in her head.

You: That goal was sick btw.

That was so fucking cringey.

She covered her face with a pillow, wishing to bury herself alive, until her phone beeped.

Jae-il: I can dedicate my next one to you, if you want.

Su Ah blinked.

Then re read that.

And blinked again. Then her lips curled.

"Ha." Su Ah chuckled.

She squinted at the screen, her fingers already moving.

You: And how exactly would you dedicate a goal to me?

The typing bubbles bounced up and down the corner of her screen.

Then…

Jae-il: Easy. After I score, I'll run to the camera and hold up my hands like a heart. And blow a kiss, right at you, before the camera pans away.

He added a laughing emoticon.

Su Ah choked at that. A moment passed and then two, before she was able to reply.

You: Fucking weirdo hmhm

She stared at that reply and erased it. Nope, she was the weird one. She tried again.

You: What's so special about me that makes it a privilege for me, of all people, to get a goal dedication from a 'future World Cup champion.'

There was no need to add a smiley. He could probably tell from her tone that she wasn't serious about the subject of the chat.

Or maybe not. Who knows. This boy was unpredictable, after all.

Jae-il: Not a privilege at all. I'd happily dedicate as many as you'd want, in front of a sellout crowd, just for you.

Jae-il: You'll get a dedicated section, VIP pass and whatever the fuck those people wear that's way more expensive than the others and all the drinks and food that you'd wish to get, on the house, from yours truly. Every single game, if I'm playing.

Su Ah was at this point, already on the verge of throwing up from cringe. She couldn't believe they were exchanging such jokes. She was so happy, so glad, so excited she wanted to throw up.

You: And why's that?

Jae-il: You're my sister. Who else would I dedicate my goals and victories to if not to my family.

Jae-il: You can choose if you want the kiss blown, no need to feel shy.

She felt her heart skip a beat. Su Ah bit on her lips, staring at that text for quite some time. It must be nice—for him to live rent-free in her head. She'd prefer if he focused on kicking the ball into that damned net rather than her brain.

Slowly, time trickled by as they continued chatting. Su Ah tucked herself cozily under her covers, her pillow pressed snugly against her bosom as she stared unblinkingly at the chat. His profile picture, which was… nothing. Just the boring, default one that new users received upon signing up.

Still…

She had to ask.

As the clock ticked from 3.59 AM to 4 AM.

You: Hey…

You: Can you come back for a couple of days?

She stared intently at the typing bubbles.

It took a while. Minutes; she had almost thought he'd ignore her and never talk to her again.

But eventually those damned bubbles finally appeared.

Jae-il: Sorry, Noona. I can't.