2 — Baby Steps

Everything that happened next was a whirlwind, a mess of images and disembodied voices that danced inside my throbbing head.

Once I gained enough awareness to realize that I was held inside the grasp of a lady with lavender eyes—it only got harder to digest the things happening around me.

My surroundings kept changing as I slept and woke up in bursts. It was all so disorienting. My body constantly pulled me into a state of drowsiness.

The woman was with me throughout, cooing and showering me with gentle touches and caresses, as if her purpose in life was to devote herself to the sole purpose of looking after me.

Sometimes she wasn't there, however. A chubby man would watch over me. I didn't see him clearly, but he was bigger and possessed the air of a rough yet kind person.

My blurry, unfocused vision finally cleared up a bit when he picked me up. At long last, I could put a face on that voice. It wasn’t a pretty face, but at least it was a friendly one.

I vaguely sensed the relief and pride welling up in his eyes.

"Finally a son."

He mumbled—not that I could understand what he meant. The phonetic pattern in his language resembled South Korean. Having played against the Korean team once, I still recalled a few words in their language.

I flinched when he got so close to my face that I could see a rough coat of fur on his upper lip.

Yeah, I definitely preferred the woman's presence.

Speak of the devil and she shall appear.

She must’ve come out beyond the fuzzy edge of my world. Because one moment I was there, in the man’s arms, and in the next I was being traded off like a toy.

"Guuhh..."

Was that my voice?

Hearing it brought on a wave of uneasiness. Its pitiful squeak sounded utterly alien.

For reasons I failed to comprehend, both the woman and the man were touched by those attempts at speech.

That was the last thing I saw before slumber overtook me.

Later that evening, while the woman hummed a melodious tune, she sat on a stool, breast uncovered and feeding me milk. If my mind allowed me to think clearly, I would have been quite mortified by it all, and even more confused as to what was happening.

I'd been sleeping so much that puzzling things together became even harder than it would've been normally. The surreality of it all continued to nag at me. I felt like I'd wake up at any moment, as if I'd blink out of existence and find myself back in my apartment, ready for an important press conference about the latest match.

Instead, here I was, trapped in a feverish dream with strange, unfamiliar faces surrounding me.

‘Wake up. Please.’

But nothing changed. My eyes stayed closed, and reality refused to shift. The woman simply rocked me back and forth.

xXx

Over time, my senses began to clear, bringing forth sensations that I could finally decipher.

It felt nice to get a hold of the thread of reality, for once.

I didn’t know how long I'd been born; I could hardly keep track of how much I slept, let alone the passing of days. What I knew, however, was that my strength and ability to move independently were growing.

First, I learned my name, Cha Jae-il.

The rest came in trickles and drabs. Names. Simple phrases and easy words. As expected, the woman—Eun Ha, or so I believed her name to be—was my new mother.

The man, my father. His name was Cha Yeong Gu; the man of the house, rarely at home due to his work hours, leaving Eun Ha in charge of watching over the children, including me.

Next were my older sisters. Mia and Su Ah. They were curious children. Mia was the oldest, as our mother seemed to instill the value of responsibility into her more than Su Ah.

She was a rebellious little thing, adorable, affectionate, but a bit too mischievous.

This thought had been acknowledged and passed along to whoever was in charge of reincarnating souls—specifically, the bureaucratic office handling such matters—because at this moment, my face was completely covered by a slice of cheese.

At least, Su Ah was less prone to troublemaking. Instead, she was quieter, reserved. More observant and intelligent. She didn’t play with me as much as Mia did. She observed me from afar, as if worried about upsetting or accidentally hurting me, always minding the distance.

As I became more self-aware, more capable of understanding what was around me, my fears started to grow more palpable, digging deep into my psyche.

Being born again.

With memories intact.

The implications were earth-shaking. All of my experiences, my beliefs, and my values were challenged by this. But then I told myself, what could I possibly do? File a complaint to the customer service of, what, God?

Rationally speaking, I wasn't in any position to deal with something of this level.

It would be unhelpful to drown myself in existentialism.

I decided to accept it for what it was, and move on.

There wasn’t much left for me anymore. The biggest part of me stayed behind, buried with my mother. I guess all I have now is my career—my only real ambition. And with it, the weight of everyone’s expectations.

We weren't living in poverty. In fact, it seemed like we lived a life of moderate luxury.

There was no danger of a stray bullet passing by, a drug deal gone wrong, a knife to the throat, or even a hard winter day without food. By these standards, life was easy going.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Rio's blazing sun, but I found an inexplicable feeling of peace within this modest home.

Perhaps this could be a blessing in disguise?

If it is...

Then please, Mamãe, look upon us kindly.

I'd start over.

If this wasn't my imagination or some kind of terrible fever dream, then I would try to build the life I was supposed to live. I wouldn't let it slip by me a third time.

Thus, my journey began anew.

…

They say that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

And that’s exactly what I decided to do.

Being confined in a crib was, let's say, less than pleasant. If only there was a way to pull myself forward, preferably faster than the snail's pace of simply crawling. I didn't know how old I was, but I figured it was about damn time I began to get those tiny legs of mine moving.

For what other purpose is muscle mass stored in these squishy limbs other than being used, right?

I couldn't stand up from the ground up with no support; I knew my limits.

So I decided to use the couch for that purpose.

Pull yourself over.

Then push forward with whatever force my legs could handle.

Yeah, I wasn't that dumb or strong. The amount of energy needed to sustain momentum would soon turn into dead weight, and I'd likely tumble down.

Would I bruise if I fell down? Maybe. But it was a small price to pay to pursue bigger goals, literally.

Well, there goes the first push. My hands left the couch.

Oh. That wasn't so hard.

I was, somehow, standing without any support. It was a rickety posture that'd crumble at the slightest impact, but that was an achievement I would take full credit for.

There was no way I could now freely walk around the house. Baby steps and all that shit.

I decided to set a target. A destination for my first voyage as a semi-independent entity.

Let's say the coffee table?

It was a short walk away from where I was, and the risk of toppling down would be minimized.

Alright, let's do it.

A tentative step. My right leg moved forward. Then my left foot.

Everything was okay.

Nothing felt out of place. It was perfectly normal, human, walking behavior. I couldn't believe it. I had done it. A single, tiny accomplishment in my life was, in fact, an achievement, if an unexpected one.

'Let's keep going...'

xXx

Meanwhile, Mia who had wandered closer toward the kitchen, paused her animated chit-chat with a disinterested Su Ah and peered to the left, where her mom was escorting dad to the main entrance.

He was wearing a smart suit, so he probably was going to work, perhaps an important negotiation meeting? She didn't know. Didn't care.

But she couldn't help but notice that her dad kept fiddling with his tie, seemingly out of habit.

Her mom, on the other hand, was donned in a stylish red blouse, hair straightened up neatly—an apron covering her clothes.

"Honey, how long will you be away for this time?" Eun Ha's hand drifted over the collars of Yeong Gu's shirt, smoothening a crease.

"You know how things can be." Yeong Gu rubbed the nape of his neck, muttering to his wife. "Hopefully no more than a week, this time." He sounded as exasperated as Eun Ha was.

Mia tilted her head, not really understanding or caring much for their conversation. Adults talk about things, the meaning behind their words flying over her tiny head. Her gaze, however, drifted past her parents, focusing instead on the adjacent living room.

Her attention fixated on a sight that drew a surprised gasp from her.

"Jae-il! You're finally walking!" Mia broke into a wide grin that reached from ear to ear before she proceeded to bounce off to the living room area.

Her smile grew into a contagious laugh, drawing Eun Ha and Yeong Gu's attention, whose shoulders tensed up, a moment before whirling around to what their daughter was excited about.

"Honey..." Eun Ha's hand, that moments before were resting on Yeong Gu's collar, fell limply at her side from the shock. "Honey, oh gosh, look. Look! He's walking!"

Her previous concerns all but abandoned, Eun Ha ran towards Jae-il, who completed his last step and seemingly reached his destination.

She picked him up like a priceless trophy—but what was the point of keeping it on display if nobody else was there to look?—And started pointing him to the proud-looking, albeit increasingly confused and surprised Yeong Gu.

"Mom! I wanna hold him too!"

Mia whined, hands wiggling in the air, as if to grab her younger brother.

Jae-il, on the other hand, looked absolutely stunned at being suddenly whisked from the coffee table to a hug, and then held in front of his father.

"Dear..." Yeong Gu began, adjusting his glasses. "Isn't Jae-il only 5 months old this year? Isn't it a bit too early for him to do this...?"

While his wife seemed too elated at the fact of her child finally walking, his words caused her smile to freeze.

“Right…?”

Jae-il, held between both parents, was now being scrutinized quite heavily.

“......”