192 — Rip My Heart Out

Chapter 192: Rip My Heart Out

The girls held stubborn, dangerous, and unreasonable sentiments—their lovestruck infatuation was infectious, a deadly disease. They just never told me how contagious it was or I'd have worn a mask.

Nah, bullshit. I'd still have inhaled deeply their poisonous fumes because apparently, my libido was so fiendishly abnormal it could override all five senses.

Common sense too.

Yet, here I was, trying to mediate this. I think I had missed something somewhere.

Maybe the sound of an alien pod landing outside my room, and it had hijacked the right side of my brain, replaced the amygdala or some shit.

No. It was a case of my idiotic self having willingly abandoned basic instincts of preservation.

I just wanted the most important women in my life to live a happy life.

With me or without me.

Preferably with me.

A million outcomes to all this shit, and I wanted to be in every single one of them.

What I wanted was a truce where none of my sisters were being threatened or hurt in any way; the right to see them happy, fulfilled, satisfied, safe, healthy, content. To watch them enjoy life, laugh at them bickering over nothing, join them for Christmas dinner, my name still included on the family calendar, still present in their life in whatever capacity.

Letting Mia and Su Ah just go would probably feel the most humane.

But I knew they'd haunt me and refuse to let me go. And I might as well stay forever with the monsters that knew how to bring me down with the weapons they had developed over the course of our years together—sexual and emotional.

A willing slave, I had become. One where I might've still believed I had some sort of agency, but the truth was that some choice was made here, without my input.

I wondered, though, how things would proceed if we were stuck at an impasse. Could the war continue like this forever? Eventually, wouldn't one side have to give in for some unforeseen, inevitable reason that wasn't resolved in any way? Would either of my little Noonas bend their convictions for anything?

Su Ah's eyes were so big and pretty. But, fuck, I knew those looks concealed sharp claws, capable of ripping and shredding me to pieces.

The ocean that was beautiful on the surface was dark below.

When it came to those two women, I would never make the mistake of thinking of them as frail, easy victims.

"And why not, Jae-il?" Su Ah laid a hand over mine. "Why can't you make a choice?"

Ah... Su Ah and her non-negotiable demands.

"Would you believe me if I said I love both of you equally?"

"Nope." She frowned, her hold on my hand tightening. "How could you possibly love two people equally? It's not possible. You might think you do, but there will always be a favorite. I'm your sister. Your older sister at that, the one you should learn the most from. And if Unnie insists, the person you'll sleep with at the end of the night will definitely be her. It doesn't take a scientist to tell you which of us will win. All the evidence is stacked against me. She's been there first. She took your first time first."

"......"

She must've been mapping out the coordinates of my affection long enough to sketch a nautical chart between my heart and testicles.

How could she possibly know that?

"Jae-il... I want to be in every corner of your life, as much as Unnie has been... if not more. But I'm kind of late to the party, and I fear that a relationship where I'm in second place and a bit unsure of my standing would ultimately come with a price. I don't want to lose you to that, even though I might never fully have you... not yet."

Her dark blue eyes dropped to our connected hands, running a thumb across the knuckles. "And even knowing all this, I still can't find it in myself to ever give you up. That's the only sure thing about me right now. I love you, Jae-il. I wish I could rip my own heart out just to show you how much… but if I did, Unnie would win by default, wouldn't she?"

A macabre chuckle.

"Noona…"

"Jae-il…"

"Don't say dumb shit like that."

I booped her nose, making her squawk indignantly.

How to Ruin An Emotional Moment 101, everyone. Limited seats.

She was right, of course.

I was probably deluding myself that loving everyone equally was possible.

That neat little fantasy where affection was divided cleanly, no remainder, no favoritism bleeding through the cracks. Cute idea. Childish, even. No accountability.

If it came down to it, if a gun was pointed straight at your head, there'd always be one single point of attachment where you'd have to make a call. One.

So who would I pick between Mia and Su Ah in that situation? Who did my life depend on?

Well, I didn't have an answer right now. Nor did I have to give one.

I didn't have a gun to my head right now, so.

And, really, it didn't have to be equal love.

Maybe we were finding new physical laws of gravity in the peculiar orbit around which we all spun around each other. An imbalance could sustain itself if it found proper anchoring in the crazy world we've erected within the walls of this house.

Everything could balance if the groundwork was established and laid carefully enough.

It had to.

I wouldn't let a question that could affect my sisters' and my happiness divide me from them.

So I finally, honestly, looked her in the eye, as her hand clung to me as tightly as any shipwreck survivor would to a floating debris.

"Noona… I love you too. Don't make me say it twice just so you can pretend you didn't hear it the first time. Your existence means the world to me. Mia Noona holds the same standing. A truth you both might despite, but impossible to alter nonetheless."

"Jae-il...."

Su Ah's eyes widened imperceptibly, a flash of warmth making the murkiness recede a bit.

Scary eyes.

Still damn hot, though.

"Would you rip your own heart to show me how much you love me?"

I blinked.

"......"

"Ahem. Let me win the World Cup first, Noona. Jesus."

She burst out laughing, booping my nose. I gasped dramatically.

The gall of this devious Noona!

Only I could baptize noses with booping services.

I intertwined my fingers with hers, and she readily coiled around mine like a python.

Ah, things might be slowly moving in the right direction.

"And you are far from second place. No one is winning anything here. This isn't a race with a finish line."

"Easy for you to say..." Su Ah mumbled, scooting closer, until her head was resting on my shoulder.

"Nothing easy here, Noona. I need everyone's collaboration, at least to keep it all a secret. That's why I'm hoping you and Mia Noona could reconcile and reach a ceasefire, at least."

The sigh she let out was heavy. She was right to not be optimistic. But she nodded, her hair brushing against my cheek. I instinctively drew her hand from her lap, guiding it to rest directly on my chest, right over my frantically beating heart.

There. I wished my heartbeat could express all the things I couldn't say in words.

After a few moments of silence, I gently let her hand go.

She kept it there, fingertips splaying. I covered them with mine, holding her hand as it kept cradling my heart.

Her eyes narrowed into those cute, lazy slits. "She slapped me, though..."

"And I'll have a serious talk with her about that, but you also did hurt her feelings first, provoked her into losing it."

"All's fair in love and war."

"Yeah, but let's do a little more love and a little less war here." I insisted softly. "You understand what you did wrong, though?"

Su Ah bit her lower lip. "Fine, I'll hear her out tomorrow." She nodded.

"Thank you, Noona. Now, may I kiss you?"

"... Why do you ask me questions with painfully obvious answers?"

"Just so I'd know." I grinned.

Su Ah grabbed me by the collar and attempted to murder me with her lips.

Possessive was the only word for her style, mouth roughly pulling me in with sharp tugs of her lips on mine, forceful thrusts of her tongue when they parted.

She quickly disconnected herself, staring at me with intense blue eyes. "I like how you feel in my bed." She remarked, gently tracing a finger along my chin.

Oh, the devil that lived beneath her skin.

I laughed quietly.

"I think you'd like me more without clothes."

"Ohhh, absolutely..." Su Ah nodded vigorously.

"Not now."

"Not now..." She nodded, swaying a little, as if trying to hypnotize herself into behaving. "Jae-il?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you staying for the remainder of tonight with me? Until I fall asleep. Or do you only have enough energy for one upset sister after making another so?"

I had a brief mental image of trying to navigate between their bedrooms again wearing only a towel while they waited impatiently in their lingerie for me. Or perhaps nothing.

"Why, you're still upset? My very commanding presence isn't calming you?"

She shifted closer, fingers hooking around my chin.

"Never..." The next kiss she delivered felt more sensual, less bruising. Su Ah was melting away in it. "... have I ever needed anything else as much as I needed you, Jae-il."

What was this sweet talk coming out of her mouth all of sudden? I needed some protection!

Su Ah all but dragged me down with her, lying side by side, with her curling up right in my chest. Her head fitted perfectly under my neck, and my arm lay around her. Of course, it'd fit perfectly. As if we hadn't already clicked a thousand times before in a million other lifetimes.

So warm and comfortable. So cozy in here, like a cloud-cushioned trap, an undiscovered hot spring in some desert island in the pacific ocean.

I inhaled the soothing, yet extremely clean smell of the sexed-up Noona.

Mine, every ounce. Every gram and centigram.

She sighed deeply and relaxed into my embrace, holding the front of my shirt with delicate, firm fingertips as if worried I might escape her clutches. "Isn't this perfect?" She whispered into my shoulder. "As long as it's only us, everything's so perfect. As if it was only ever meant to be just the two of us."

"......"

We spent some time in that position.

Minutes flew by.

My fingers in her hair, massaging, occasionally kissing the crown of her head. The repetitive movement seemed to have entranced her to an ever-winding road toward unconsciousness.

I lay there, thinking, about how ridiculous it was that I had become a referee making sure this match between both sisters proceeded without any fouls.

More importantly…

'I should probably do a pit-stop in Mia's room as well, just in case.'

A/N: Everyone! I've dropped the new story, please check it out here -> This Gender Reversed World Ain't for Me

If you enjoy reverse sexual morality, then it's for you!Discord -> https://discord.gg/Eyqxhg8RGS