160 — A Secret Class

Su Ah's POV:

The bedroom door clicked shut behind them.

It was still early afternoon, the sun streaming in through the wide windows and setting the walls of her room aglow.

Su Ah moved a few steps in, the light touching her exposed legs with an unusual warmth. With quick strides, she proceeded to draw the drapes over the large panes of glass, hiding the courtyard and its pretty plants, as well as the view outside the bedroom.

Not that it did much in terms of soundproofing, but it was an illusion. A sense of enclosure. Her nerves wound tight with her impatience to have Jae-il to herself.

And now they would be finally alone.

When it came down to it, she had no idea what to say to Jae-il.

Sure, she had rehearsed lines in front of her mirror the moment she started realizing how things were between her and him, but now that they were alone, in her bedroom, the words jumbled up, shoving their way to the base of her throat but refusing to come out.

She turned around, and her eyes were caught, instantly, by Jae-il's form, still standing by the door. He was analyzing every single detail of her room with those deep, knowing violet eyes, cataloging it all.

The bed, a soft queen-sized mattress with black silk sheets, lay in the center of the room. The walls were painted a deep, almost black blue, and covered in glow-in-the-dark constellations and star charts, carefully placed to mimic the night sky, her most prized possession.

A telescope stood by the window, its long lens aimed at the heavens.

And then her desk, with her laptop, a lamp, headphones, an empty mug, a stack of books. And the pelikan Jae-il gave her from his trip to Thailand.

It was her little world.

And now the core of it was finally here, in her room.

She wanted to talk, she really did. But the only thing she could think of was to walk over to her bed and sit down.

He followed, making no sound, and the mattress dipped under his weight as he sat next to her, not too close, but close enough.

"Your room hasn't changed." Jae-il noted, a faint, almost nostalgic smile on his lips as he continued to eye everything up and down. "Still a miniature cosmos. I like it."

"Of course it hasn't changed, you idiot. You haven't been gone for that long." She retorted with her usual sass. "Your room hasn't changed either, for that matter."

"That's true. Mom's the only one with the power to redecorate, anyway." Jae-il laughed. She stared, listening to it, the familiar husky lilt.

It was nice, in a way, that things hadn't changed much. Being close to him like this, her shoulder nudging his. Knees touching. It felt right to have his solidity this close to her, where she could just reach out and pull him closer by the back of his neck and press her mouth to his.

That would have been nice, Su Ah decided.

"So..." Su Ah started, trying to get things going again. "You're back."

"For good." He nodded. "At least, until the World Cup."

"......"

A jagged knot formed in Su Ah's throat.

"Then you'll leave again?"

Jae-il leaned back slightly. "Yes, I'd be leaving for another training camp."

"And then...?"

"Then I'll be back."

"And then...?"

He stared at her knowingly. "I don't know, we'll see how it goes... but, Noona, let's not think about that. I'm here, and I'll be here for a good while, so let's make the most out of it."

He playfully nudged her shoulder, making her sway a little.

Su Ah hated thinking about it. His return meant the inevitable loss too. Even when she was usually realistic about such things, the thought still lingered, always in the back of her mind like an obsolete folder in the archives.

And before she knew it, there was a strange silence between them again. And that was awkward.

The reason for this meeting suddenly lost its way like an ill-prepared camper in the night.

But Jae-il was having none of that.

He huffed, his easy grin slowly flatlining as he turned towards her.

"Listen... we need to talk. For real this time."

Su Ah's stomach twisted. Here it came. The inevitable lecture. The 'this can't happen' speech.

She'd heard variations of it in her head a thousand times, scripted out like one of her stories. But hearing it from him? That might actually hurt.

"Talk about what?" Su Ah rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and turning to him. Her shoulder bumped his. "How you're practically screwing Unnie in the living room or how you promised to help me with my writing but instead are sniffing at where the sun doesn't shine on her all morning long?"

He sighed, a muscle flexing along his jawline as he dragged a hand through his dark hair. "Both, I suppose. Su Ah Noona... what happened in the alley... it shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake. Shit is seriously spiraling out of control. You're seeing it yourself. We can't—"

"Is that what you call it?" A bitter taste flooded her mouth; that word. A mistake. The worst possible word, and it landed with all the grace of a rampaging elephant in a sexy shop. Her anger surprised her with how quickly it bubbled up, how it eclipsed everything else. She turned to face him completely. "'It shouldn't have happened'? It felt fine to me, and I'm pretty damn sure it felt 'fine' to you too, you asshole, you were feeling me up quite roughly despite me not even telling you to go that far. Or am I wrong?"

If that stranger hadn't had awful timing, Jae-il's hand would've copped a feel underneath her bra that day, and she probably wouldn't have told him to stop, and it all would've gone farther than just a kiss.

It always seemed fine until it didn't.

She wanted him, and if that man hadn't interrupted the most erotic moment of her life, they would have consummated whatever weird thing they had going on by now. She didn't regret that kiss, even if he did. Even if he pretended otherwise.

Because now it felt even better than her fantasies, and that wasn't something easily ignored.

The violet of his eyes seemed to recede beneath a sudden, stark warning, the color deepening. "That's... that's not the point." He sat straighter. "Actually, that's a good point. You understand that that's precisely the problem, right? Because we didn't care back then and acted accordingly to the heat of the moment, we might've crossed lines that... that we should've never even stepped closer towards."

"But you still did it with Unnie..."

This bastard still crossed all the lines with Mia.

"Yes, and it's complicated."

Su Ah felt a hot spike of jealousy twist in her chest. "Complicated. Right. Because Unnie gets a free pass, but I'm just the weird little sister with her nose in books?" She leaned in closer, her hand landing on his knee. "Or is it because you think I can't handle it like she can?"

Jae-il closed his eyes, jaw tensing, but he didn't pull away. "It's not about that, Noona. But do you really want mom to have a reason to blow up on us and kick everyone out right here? She's already… different, she's not been herself with me."

"Mom?" Su Ah blinked, momentarily derailed. "What about her?"

The thought of Eun Ha possibly becoming aware of the illicit affairs of her daughters with her only son—it had fluttered at the edge of her mind but never held ground against her immediate neediness for the object of all that trouble in front of her, now right in front of her.

He pursed his lips, shrugging, shaking his head. "She's... off. Like she's avoiding me or something. Mia says she suspects us... me and her."

Su Ah's mind raced. Mom? Sweet, oblivious Mom? The thought was almost laughable, but a chill settled in anyway. If Mom knew... no, that couldn't happen.

"You sure you're not just being paranoid, Jae-il? Unnie might've read the situation wrong."

"You really think she did?"

"......"

No, the truth was that Su Ah herself had seen some distressing and concerning symptoms and signs already. Something wasn't okay with her—still, she'd brushed them off, chalking it up to all the tension with their father.

"Today, I spent a bit of time with her before she holed herself up in her room, and she was twitchy, Noona. She was weird." Jae-il said. "It didn't hit me until I talked it out with Mia Noona."

"I noticed. I guess... the situation between Dad and Mom's pretty dire already. Maybe it's just the strain between the two, making her behave that way. Besides, if Mom were aware, do you think she'd let you live under the same roof with us after everything you've told me about?"

"I don't know, maybe this is a buffering phase before she blows up. Maybe she's in denial. Maybe she suspects but doesn't have actual proof there's anything going. Point is, Noona, we need to be extremely careful. And that means straightening up your act before the whole world becomes aware of all the crap that's been happening and starts dragging us out in the public. We need to keep this shit behind closed doors, preferably locked and preferably behind three sets of firewalls and security."

"......"

Yes, Su Ah feared that too, and her most recent fight with Mia wasn't doing their secret any favors in terms of secrecy.

But that fear was a distant, secondary explosion. The primary one was right here. That look in her brother's eyes, telling her that there was no place for her. That what she craved so badly was a 'mistake' or that it couldn't go on anymore.

"I... I don't care about Mom." Su Ah finally said, resolutely.

"What?"

"You heard me… I don't care." She said, a little more confidently. "I'm not a fool like Unnie. I know how to keep things clean and private. As if I'd be caught dead without having the appropriate safeguards in place. Mom won't be able to say or do a damn thing to me. Unlike Unnie, I'm capable of keeping things under the radar."

"......"

She shifted, her other hand finding its way to his other knee, effectively bracketing him. He blinked, looking down at it before meeting her eyes. "It's safe if we do it in the name of writing, isn't it?" Her fingers, slender and pale, curled into the fabric of his pants. "After all, you promised you'd help me out with my writing, didn't you? You'll be going off for the World Cup soon, I need all the help I can get while you're still here…"

A muscle feathered in Jae-il's cheek as he watched her hands on him.

"Are you even listening to yourself, Noona?"

"Yes. My own brother, helping me write some explicit love scenes." Her voice was flippant as she leaned closer, bringing their faces within centimetres of each other, a dry grin playing at her lips. She reveled in that stare he sent her, and she could practically feel the tension winding up through his body. "I mean, if not you, then who would I even ask about it? Hmm? Who should I beg to 'help' me write sexy scenes, Jae-il~?" She whispered. "Unless you want me to seek someone else to fulfill your duties...?"

He exhaled harshly through his nose.

He hated losing a battle, her Jae-il, a sentiment Su Ah knew was mutual for herself.

"Noona, you didn't listen to a single word I said, did you?"

"No~?"

Her fingers slid to his thigh and began tracing slow circles on the inside of it. She could feel the hardness of his muscles.

Football did this boy a lot of good.

Su Ah's breath puffed against his cheek. "Come on, I'm not asking much. You've been doing this stuff with Unnie. You have a lot of experience, don't you?" She stared at him coolly, a grin at the edges of her lips. "Where would you even begin, brother? Help me... teach me... show me… this will be our little secret class."

Jae-il's eyes hardened, a subtle glow in them that would've been unnoticeable under broad daylight, but with the curtains drew shut like this, and with her being so close to him, those purple, beautiful orbs felt like they were reflecting light straight out of the depths of some space void.

He laughed.

She blinked, surprised.

"You really want to learn, Noona? You really want me to help you write something about love and sex?" Jae-il asked, his smile deceptively charming as he met her gaze with a stubborn edge. "If you want it that badly, then I'll help you."

"......"

And then Su Ah found her world flipping upside down.