137 — A Semblance of Normality III (Conclusion)

Eun Ha's POV:

"Protect him... uh..."

Eun Ha stared blankly at her daughter. The way Mia said it… it wasn't the casual promise of a protective older sister. It was a territorial declaration. She wouldn't have thought twice about it before; Mia had always been a fierce little thing, as she loved to state at every single given opportunity, and a bad bitch in every other.

But Jae-il wasn't a baby to be coddled anymore, and while Eun Ha loved Mia for taking such good care of him, there were also times when Eun Ha got a vague sense of dread for his future if the girl got too clingy. It was then that, amidst the crashing waves of thoughts and questions, Eun Ha was brutally reminded of Mia's potential lover.

The things she heard coming out of her daughter's mouth still made Eun Ha question if she was in the right mind frame. But... was her paranoia warranted? Eun Ha had this very disturbing fear that, if she—of all the girls in the damn world—was capable of having such inappropriate feelings for Jae-il... what stopped Mia and Su Ah from developing the same?

Eun Ha, all of a sudden, felt her throat tighten, nausea roiling inside her gut.

No.

Those were crazy thoughts.

They came from the sickness. This wasn't some messed up, incestuous game show with the mother fighting her own children for her son. That's not what this was. It had to be that damned door in her mind again, poking its slimy little nose inside the crevices, trickling the red light through.

But she had to confirm. Had to have undeniable proof to actually come out of this war zone of emotions she couldn't begin to explain. Just the fact that she went down this rabbit hole of her own fully justified why her visits to Dr. Han were so important.

Eun Ha took a deep breath, a sip of the water, and thankfully the nausea slowly receded. She looked at her daughter.

"Have you talked about this with... the guy that, um, called?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I kind of heard you talking on the phone the other night, and well..." Eun Ha pursed her lips, turning her expression into pure stone. Not a single emotion should touch her face whilst she was having this conversation. "I thought it might've been your boyfriend... if you've ever... met someone like that..."

It took Mia a second to get what her mother meant, and Eun Ha witnessed, then, the realization hitting the oldest of her children so fast and hard, Eun Ha half-expected her daughter to jump from her chair, hiss a 'are you shitting me right now?!' or something like that and make her realize Eun Ha was, in fact, dreaming and everything that happened was just that: the product of a disordered, sick, fucked-up mind that could not rest easy.

She tried not to lose herself too much to her worries.

"A... a boyfriend?!" Mia blurted. Her gaze was wide. Unfocused. "Where the fuck would I even have the time to meet someone, mom?"

Eun Ha had reached across the table by then, extending a comforting hand to gently grasp the one hovering near her daughter's bowl—a small gesture that might have been maternal concern only hours ago. Now she was just desperate to know. "You don't have to hide it if it's so." Eun Ha softly whispered. She managed to muster up a small smile. Did it look believable? "There's nothing wrong about being a normal, grown up girl. I just want you to know, I love you. You can talk to me if there's anything, anything at all, bothering you."

She really, really hoped that was the case, that Mia was having a dubious relationship with a man, which would've been concerning enough considering the content of their conversation so early in what Eun Ha believed was the stage of their relationship, but at least it was a way better alternative to the worst case scenario.

It still worried the mother, but at least this was... fixable.

Mia was speechless.

Her lips were trembling and her brow furrowed, confusion mixing with disbelief. She took a moment to swallow, to look into her mother's eyes. "I... I'm not seeing anyone, mom." She said, her throat raw. "And... and that call... it's… it's not what you think it was, I was just—"

Then she stopped.

As if realizing she was about to say something she shouldn't.

Mia shook her head, as if to physically dispel the thought, and forced a weak smile. "It's nothing. A misunderstanding. I'm sorry if I worried you."

Eun Ha watched her, her own expression unreadable. Mia didn't elaborate. Didn't explain.

'Let it go, Eun Ha...' She reminded herself, the words of Dr. Han echoing in her mind. 'It's the illness. You are looking for patterns that don't exist. You are building conspiracies from nothing. Don't project your sickness onto your children.' That would've been the worst possible outcome.

Eun Ha didn't even want to consider it.

"Is that so...?"

She couldn't find it in herself to look at her daughter. So she started gathering the bowls and plates strewn across the dining table instead, even though a lot of the food remained untouched. "Okay, honey." She finally managed. "Thank you for clarifying. Do let me know if you ever meet someone though. Neither of you kids have ever brought home someone to introduce to us... I get so curious sometimes... Well, we have time, don't we? No rush, really. Take it at your pace. The three of you." She added as an afterthought.

Her gaze shifted back to her daughter and found Mia had stilled. There was something in her daughter's face, a strange sort of emptiness that gave Eun Ha pause. "I should probably help you clean the dishes."

Before her mind even registered her actions, Mia got to her feet and picked a bunch of used utensils, following the example of her mother. Then she carried the tray to the kitchen.

It was an offering, like the prey attempting to appease the predator.

Or a criminal trying not to set off their captor's suspicions.

It made sense. There was absolutely no need to look deeper.

Everything was fine.

Eun Ha couldn't handle the uncomfortable silence as well as her daughter. "Umh, sorry if I was prying." Her laugh sounded tinny and artificial to her own ears. She had eavesdropped by accident, but it was her choice to linger there despite it all.

"... it's okay." Mia sighed. "Don't worry about that. Like you said, no rush."

Both worked together quietly, filling up the sink with water, soap, and cutlery. A few minutes passed in absolute silence, each occupied with their thoughts. Eun Ha still couldn't shake off the lingering heaviness in her chest, and she did not understand what it was. All that mattered was to stop this maddening fear.

Eun Ha glanced at Mia as they stacked the clean plates into a towering, shiny pile. A bead of sweat ran down the older woman's face.

Frustration was written all over her face.

There was something in the pit of her stomach that refused to calm down. Eun Ha's fleeting glances weren't as fleeting as she thought; they lingered on Mia's neck, searching for the same evidence of the crime she had found on Su Ah's neck.

That skin was as pale as a ghost's. No suspicious marks or discoloration in any visible place. And Eun Ha definitely didn't intend to force her daughter to undress just to alleviate this unruly paranoia of hers.

The dinner couldn't be considered a success, but it was a step in the right direction. A baby step. She felt less... broken. More human. Like her world was starting to not spiral and slide and collapse on itself in her worst, uncontrolled moments.

Eun Ha cleaned the table and washed the dishes, the repetitive, mindless motions allowing her thoughts to settle. Somewhat.

Dr. Han told her that every journey began with the simplest of steps.

The first day wasn't an easy one. But it'd get better. She'd get used to it.

If she had to suffer in order to heal, she would.

So Eun Ha didn't linger on her mistake and moved on, with resolve to not make them in the future. She texted Dr. Han back and forth, who told her it was natural that some episodes were bound to slip through, it happened, nothing to be embarrassed about.

It was the only anchor Eun Ha could cling onto, momentarily.

"I'm going back to my room." Mia said, quickly wrenching her hands dry with a cloth. The motion was quick and mindless, as if she wanted to escape.

Eun Ha felt a pang of guilt at the sight.

"Wait, honey—"

Mia was already two steps up the stairs, and looked like she'd bolt any second now.

Eun Ha's fingers twisted in the dish towel. She took a breath, then another, before speaking. "Honey, we don't... we don't talk much anymore." Her voice wavered at first, then steadied. "I'd like to. If you'd let me. Just us. We could... watch a movie. Or I could do your nails, like I used to. Would that be okay?"