Hack the System

Year 2

I filed my paperwork to spend my first few souls once Artemis, my child by Elune/Azshara, was born. I didn’t need to spend all of them in one lump sum, thankfully, so I could afford to experiment a little bit. Obviously I purchased Lividia, and purchased commissions for Rari, Artemis, Vivienne, Tony, and Sally. Tony was given instructions, when he was in a safe place, on how to request a drawback and spend the resulting credit. He chose No Homo, restricting his ability to bind and influence those who he had no interest in sleeping with. The irony was not lost on me.

With his one credit he purchased a letter of recommendation, giving three of the slots (at my direction) to some of the kinder and more honorable people in my retinue. Uther the Lightbringer in particular would probably take a bullet for a complete stranger, so he seemed like a good person to send out into the multiverse. Tony kept the other two spots in reserve for his own kids that were on the way, and I didn’t blame him one bit.

It fucking worked; Auriel processed the paperwork without complaint and sent back a confirmation notice a few days later. From there, all I needed to do was coordinate and formalize the system. A list was formed, and procedures set in place.

Uther, the crazy son of a bitch, asked for free to play immediately. He didn’t want a binding anyway, feeling that it wasn’t really a good thing to bend the will of those around you. That got him three credits, which he spent on Professional and two letters of recommendation. When I talked to him about it, he expressed an idle hope that he might enjoy a quiet life as a tradesman in some backwater. I hope he gets it.

Those two letters of recommendation were his to do with as he pleased, but he naturally gravitated towards his fellow Paladins, who mostly decided to pay it forward themselves without prompting. That inspired me; I mandated that anyone buying a Letter or Recommendation going forward be sure to include one person from a list I had my ops team prepare. The list contained the kindest, sweetest, most prone to self sacrifice people in my retinue. Paladins, red and green dragons, draenei, high elven dissenters, priests, benevolent gods, Druids, and the revered elders of the Horde were all put forth, and most of them followed some variant of Uther’s path when given the opportunity. Some, like Broxigar, purchased absolutely nothing for themselves. It wasn’t that he didn’t have any self preservation, it was just that he didn’t mind carrying a heavier burden if it meant helping more of his comrades.

With that chain of paying it forward taken care of, my own sense of guilt and obligation was substantially lessened. The list of people who had been guaranteed afterlives grew, and I started assembling lists of people who requested the status of tester and those who specifically opted out. To my surprise, Talaada put her name on the latter list.

“What’s this?” I asked, sure she’d made a mistake. “Most of the people on this list are already old and feel fine with this being the end. For your species, you are literally a child. Why don’t you want to live on?”

“As a tester, I would be largely separated from you, my prophet.” She explained with a sad smile, “You have given my life joy and purpose, and I don’t particularly relish the thought of seeking such things for myself. I don’t fear oblivion, or being remade, but solitude is not something I could ever accept. Don’t worry about it. I’m happy with what I’ve been given.”

She may have been content with oblivion, but I wasn’t. Within the week, I purchased her as a permanent member of my retinue. If I had to justify it, I’d say that she was a contrast with Lividia. My prime consort was brash, direct, and clever in the moment. My high priestess was cautious, calculating, and a planner. I’d already promised Irma to Auriel, but if I formed another cult, army, nation, or business in future tests I needed someone who would be happy in the role of administrator. She fit the bill where Lividia never would.

••••••••••

Sally and Tony were able to slowly wear down the Scourge, and eventually drove them out of Quel’Thalas. At this point, Arthas was going completely off book by sailing all the way back to Northrend with his tail between his legs. They attempted to chase him down with their dragons, but the elves and human kingdoms didn’t have much appetite for vengeance while their homeland was still reeling from the Scourge’s corruption.

For saving Silvermoon City, Sally was given a single skin that could take the form of any high or blood elven hero. She was less than enthusiastic about becoming an elf, but between the substantial power boost and Tony’s reluctance to make love to her as a 14 year old girl, she relented.

Of the choices, Kael’thas and Farstrider Hanzo were dismissed out of hand for being men, Sylvanas for likely causing confusion, and Spellbreaker Johanna and Valla for being melee combatants. That left Blood Elf Tyrande, who was at least a priestess. The way she channeled the light was quite different from what Sally was accustomed to back home, but she could adapt. She immediately bleached her hair, however. She did have standards, and her name meant something to her.

https://imgur.com/a/wRN6faR

They helped clean up the Scourge in Lordaeron, which was immensely cathartic to Sally in its own right. Her final mission sat unfinished in her mission log, but was not so urgent. She could put it off and simply enjoy doing good work with her husband and helping her family to resettle. Six months after the traitor prince fled north in his tattered fleet, the couple received joyous news that cemented the mission as a “someday” thing. One did not lightly go to war when expecting a child.

They pursued it in broad strokes, banging the drums of war and reminding everyone of the threat to the north, but also focused on rebuilding. Onyxia and Nefarian were waging a war in Northrend, mostly by hijacking the Drakkari troll empire, so with any luck it was handled.

Defeat the Lich King

Reward: Fully restore Sally Whitemane’s abilities

Patron: Anveena Teague gains the ability to manifest an Avatar in any timeline where your retinue controls the Sunwell, pooling her power across all timelines.

Bonus: Completion, reconnect this world to other timelines, allowing unimpeded interdimensional travel.

••••••••••

Did you know that the Dragon Isles, seen in the Dragonflight Expansion, were actually sealed away only after the Sundering? I didn’t, but when I put out a call for powerful military units I might bring to bear against the Burning Legion, Neltharia suggested that we go pick up an old somewhat-failed experiment of hers. I couldn’t do it in modern day without purchasing the Titan Keeper Koranos through the company, but in the ancient timeline I was golden.

The Dracthyr Evokers were created by Neltharion for some kind of dragon civil war through a series of genuinely fucked up experiments. I wasn’t overly invested in the details since the other side of that conflict was sealed away and could be captured with ritual circles easily enough. Something about many dragons rejecting the rulership of the titans. The important thing was that the Dracthyr were so powerful that they could stand toe to toe with the veterans of the fourth war right out of the box, and were in fact probably what Nefarian was trying to reproduce with Chromatic dragons.

A few hundred dragonspawn supersoldiers sealed away because they couldn’t be controlled by the Black Aspect seemed like just the thing, and the artifacts sealed away in the Dragon Isles were exceptionally powerful. Skipping ten expansions worth of content will do that, I guess. I also had Alleria Windrunner up in space capturing the Army of the Light, and Xoroth was an excellent staging area to spread sleeper agents throughout the Legion.

When Sargeras invaded with the full force of his armies, I had several Naaru, multiple old gods, the elemental lords, the five flights, the Dracthyr, well over a thousand Guardian tier mages, the Titan keepers, Med’an the Mary Sue son of Medivh, the Scourge, and a few titans under my control. The elementals of the world fell into line once I captured their leaders, which got me Golganneth the Thunderer to stand with Eonar. The full Shroud binding was a nice bonus as well.

Put simply, Sargeras was not prepared for the power I could bring to bear against him. He actually still had me beat in terms of raw numbers, and as an individual he could have plausibly taken on my entire compliment of titans in a straight punch up, but the war was surprisingly anticlimactic. I absolutely dominated him in terms of mobility, had functionally infinite fallback positions, and could hijack his forces and disrupt his chain of command. Without a well coordinated Legion, he was just one absurdly strong dude that ultimately couldn’t do anything that would hurt me in any lasting way.

••••••••••

In a sterile, well lit office, a few men and women were standing next to the copier as it spat out a continuous stream of paper. As each batch came out with agonizing slowness, a blue skinned woman took it and passed it off to another person who bolted away immediately.

“Alright Fluttershy, this one is yours.” She handed off three pages to a yellow skinned woman with pink hair, which would register Alexstrasza the Life Binder as a beta tester. “Isabelle, did you finish Jaina’s request yet?”

“Yes!” Called an anthropomorphic Shih Tzu from across the office. “I'm just putting the folder together.”

“Well hurry up, I want you ready when your turn comes up again!”

“You do know you’re going to catch a ton of shit for this, right?” Asked an athletic blonde woman passing out coffee.

“Of course I know that Murphy,” Auriel rolled her eyes. “But since Ghostwalker signed out and left me to oversee the process to its completion, I do have the authority for it. It’s worth doing, dammit. With any luck he will pay it forward and The Company can be a slightly less evil place to work.”

The former police detective rolled her eyes. “I get it, but I think you’re expecting too much out of this one. Anyway, is there any way we can get another printer running? We can probably do this more efficiently if we start batching these.”

“I’ve got Bobby and Haku asking around. With any luck we should be able to borrow a few. Would you mind checking on them? This is probably going to be an all nighter either way.”

••••••••••

Name: Vanessa VanCleef

World: Final Fantasy 4

Tier: Free to Play

Modifiers: Are We the Baddies?, Guaranteed PVP, Villain Bonus (to ensure that you can adequately play the part of villain you will be given an improved origin for free)

Budget: 0

Origin: Fem!Kain Highwind

https://imgur.com/a/B6T5f3G

Drawback: +1 Are We The Baddies?: You will be subject to fairly easy mental domination by Golbez. You will only stop repeatedly betraying the Hero in this story if captured and either broken or given the benefits of Mind Defense. You are required to resist this solution to the best of your abilities.

Soul Purchase: -1 Guaranteed Domination. You will always be placed in environments where you will be subject to brainwashing, preferentially at the hands of cruel and powerful men.

••••••••••

Dear Valued Employee,

We have noted that you had an unusually high level of administrative tasks moving through your office. Upon review, we noted that an irregular use of our rewards system was allowed. As the temporary administrator, we expect our employees to safeguard company resources against such abuses, however we also strive to reward creative problem solving.

You will be docked half your pay for this testing period, as well as your standard 50 credit end-of-test bonus.

Cheers,

HR

••••••••••

Dear valued employee,

Upon review of your most recent project as Assistant Game Master, we would like to commend your enthusiasm and creativity. Your implementation of Nefarian as an antagonistic force is an inspiration that will catalyze a new area of research (code name, Are We the Baddies?).

However, in your commendable zeal and passion for the concepts of challenge and difficulty, we worry that you have become overly specialized in certain areas. With this in mind, we have arranged to temporarily place you into a less stressful environment where you will have the opportunity to broaden your horizons by engaging with testing environments outside of your preferred areas of expertise.

Given your proven track record of excellence, we have decided to allow you to determine the order in which you will test the following experiences. To ensure maximum engagement in the intended experiences, we have done you the courtesy of disabling all purchased upgrades which run counter to the intended experience, including Body Tune Up, Martial Talent, Soul Talent, all combat applicable purchases, and all non-Love-Confession bindings.

20 years as The Farmer of Stardew Valley

Spike during the events of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic

5 procedurally generated Hallmark Christmas movies (for Quality control purposes)

Elmer Fudd in classic Looney Tunes

The Wizard Gargamel, archenemy of the Smurfs (Are we the Baddies is in effect)

Cheers,

HR