Just Bookkeeping, you can probably skip this one.
6/2 afternoon
I arrived in Azshara to find a rather large and transparent blue dragon lounging about. A projection of some sort. When he saw me he stretched out and made his hello.
“You seek Azuregos? Bane of the Bitter Reaches? Scourge of the Bay of Storms? Lord of all Magic in Azshara? Well, you've found him.”
“Afternoon, sir. Terribly sorry to interrupt whatever you’re doing here, but I’m looking to reassemble the Scepter of the Shifting Sands. I understand you had a part of it?
“Oh yeah. Had is right. I stowed it a while back, figured it was the only way I’d avoid some crazed mortal running up and shoving a sharp stick into my hide. Or worse, trying to con me into wearing some kind of magical brainwashing necklace. Mortals do all sorts of weird shit if you have something they want. So go ahead. Ask me where.”
I decided it was best to not completely out myself in relation to that crack. Somehow he knew more about the amulets than I’d like, but he was talking to me and didn’t seem to have any plans to attack. “Alright. I’ll bite. Where is it?”
“You are going to love this story, greenie. See, here is the thing. As soon as Malygos charged me with protecting the scepter shard, I knew I was in for an eternity of headache and pain. All I want to do is study these magic rich shorelines and take in what artifacts might remain from the Sundering. You know, there was once a thriving Highborne civilization here! You don't have to tell me that there is going to be some solid magical items around here, greenie. I can smell it!”
“I can respect that. So… the scepter?”
“As I was saying, I held on to that scepter shard for a good five-hundred years and it was nothing but trouble. It attracted all kinds of attention - the wrong kind of attention. I want to be left alone to my studies, not babysit some would be hero's ticket to glory. So... I gave it to a fish.”
“A… fish? What kind of fish?”
“A minnow. A very special minnow.”
I took a deep breath. “So how do I find and identify this special minnow.”
“That’s the great part. You don’t! To most examination it’s a normal fish, but this minnow is really quite a terrible creature of my own creation. When I am relaxing I like to think of the unlucky fishermen who have run into this minnow and been devoured whole. I bet they were quite surprised!” He cackled at that. Fuckin psycho. He noted my lack of amused camaraderie. “Genius is never respected. Now, about the scepter shard... If you want that shard and do not wish to spend the next ten thousand years searching for it, you are going to have to listen very carefully.”
“I can’t wait to hear this…”
“Two words: Arcanite Buoy.”
Beat. “I’m gonna need just a little more than two words, I think.”
“Fine then... You have to build an arcanite buoy and place it in the ocean. My minnow will be attracted to the magical emanations. When he gets near the buoy - BLAMMO! It will explode in a glorious pulse of arcane energy, revealing the minnow's true form. Also, you may or may not incur the wrath of Neptulon. A 50/50 chance I would say.”
“You were entrusted with a magical artifact and you stowed it on a fucking fish, with the only method of retrieval you can think of being a magical buoy. A buoy that you don’t even have ready to deploy yourself, and which might piss off an elemental lord?”
“Now you’re getting it, greenie! So. Here’s the blueprints. If you need an engineer, I know a guy named Narain in Gadgetzan who should be able to help. Terrible psychic, great engineer.” A thick stack of papers in an envelope flickered into existence between us. “So anyway if you try to bring one of those amulets anywhere near my actual body, I’ll consider it an act of war. Good day.”
“Wait how do you know about-“
“I said good day sir!” The projection vanished, leaving me alone with my scouts and a pile of blueprints written in draconic. I’m gonna mark that one down as a win. That could have gone so much worse. With a few mental notes, I sent the blueprints to my gnomes for analysis. This would be much more efficient if I didn’t have to do whatever bullshit Azuregos’s advice would have put me through. Even if I need to capture the High Tinker to work it out, it’ll still probably be a better move.
••••••••••
I went over Irma’s somewhat dismal numbers while I ate. Wasn’t looking great; I’d need to speed things up to get this handled in 6 weeks, let alone two. Oh well. If it proves impossible I’ll put it in my list of complaints.
I got an update in missions; blacksmith boy finished the commission, and my new pirate wench had a very hastily made cutlass. I immediately pulled Eranikus’s soul gem out of my inventory and slapped a stamp on. “Alright. This should give you the ability to purify the corruption in your body. In about three days. Just sit tight until then, okay?”
“I suppose I have no other choice.”
“Tell you what, I’ll deliver you to Ysera next time I see her. Does that sound good?” It’s not like any latent corruption could hurt her now.
“I- yes. That would be very agreeable.”
I put my high tier six or low tier 7 paperweight on the table next to me. He’d be very useful. Eventually. I had enough problems right now to consider without obsessing over good things in the future I couldn’t do anything about.
I’d asked the scouts who’d found Azuregos about their meeting, and I’m pretty sure he’s just that good at identifying magic items. Which was irritating, but what can you do? I wanted an erratic blue dragon jackass in my retinue, and I think I might be able to manage it, but it would take some prep and setup and was not really time sensitive. I could probably get Keryn to track him down and then plant an amulet in his field of vision with Jewels of Discord, if only he were in the catalog. Or I could use another orb of entrancement; I was being a bit free with them but they were meant to be used, and my missions had been pretty generous with them recently. I had two left at the moment and Azuregos would be worth the price. He was almost certainly a bigger deal than Keristrasza and being less fuckable is a very small price to pay. Especially given the track record of what I have done with other people that I used orbs of entrancement on.
The Revilgaz plan had been a hell of a power play, and I was definitely going to reward Paige for it. Not really sure how yet, so I just sent her a message asking her what she wanted and started jotting down some ideas. I would definitely be sending out a message commending her and announcing whatever I was giving her. Most of my retinue was a little bit passive, which might become a problem eventually.
I updated every single one of my amulet holders who had free slots with a euphoria response upon advancing the goals of the retinue, but at this point that was less than ten percent of my retinue. I needed to encourage the uncollared masses to be proactive team players. I put some thought into it and wrote up a rudimentary rewards program.
Reward StructurePrimary agent completing a major mission +5Substantial contributor to completing a mission +1Distinguish self with exceptional creativity, grit, or luck +1Completion of a bounty task assigned by a member of command staff (such as me, Irma, Onyxia, Aelthalyste, etc) +1Bring a significant piece of information to command’s attention +1Financial Contribution +1 per 100 gp of coin or goods (50? 20?)Teaching an approved class +1 per weekFull time employee (such as the shadow ops team) +1 per weekBeing the best in a high value field, such as the best student in Doan’s class +1 (rivalries. Not sure about frequency yet)Spending-10 one sexual encounter with Erich (impregnation allowed)-10 Companion (fully custom. Either reprogrammed as a punishment, deemed to have no prior value such as a gnoll, or a mushroomed rabbit)-5 costly transformation (priority for troop template or similar)-5 set a task on the bounty list as if you were in command. Subject to approval but can be selfish in nature. Any difficulty is allowed, but it will only be worth a 1 credit bounty and nobody will be ordered to do it.-5 personal amulet-3 companion (matchmaking/arranged marriage. Good conduct expected and enforced)-3 custom work, such as a set of high quality equipment-3 low value company swag (such as a pickup line; will almost always be in low supply)-3 financial assistance; a small stipend with no strings attached, or being set up in a respectable position with responsibilities-1 free transformation-1 tourism 2 gp and teleportation to anywhere on Azeroth, plus two days of free time to enjoy it.-1 self improvement (priority position in a class of your choice with no consideration for aptitude or need)
I’d need to run it by my command staff first, but it seemed like a reasonable starting point. I was about to check my new missions when a communication channel opened from Aelthalyste.
“Lord Bismark. A situation has developed. Your personal attention might be needed.”
••••••••••
Thaurissan was having lunch with his wife, writing up a list of his political enemies at Mr. Bismark’s request. He was keeping them contained to the most rabid Twilight sympathizers, at least to start with. The true believers who he could never work with effectively. The Isolationist party was an irritant, but they at least cared about Shadowforge more than they did Ragnaros’s wishes.
He was writing in his own shorthand, keeping anything too incriminating out of the list. Even if someone decoded it, he wouldn’t be implicated in anything but having a list of people affiliated with the Twilight’s Hammer. Moira made a few suggestions, of course. She never came out and said it, but he got the impression that this was a kill list, which is why he was being so selective. High value targets like Senators might be a little too ambitious, but key lower level targets like the prison warden would be important to include.
A runner slammed the door open to the dining room, and Thaurrisan immediately picked up Ironfoe. Either for the impertinent trooper or for the enemy that had spooked her enough to forget protocol. “My emperor! We are under attack!” The lass got to live, it seems.
Dagran stood up and made his way to his chambers at a brisk walk. “Walk with me. Tell me the situation.” He didn’t look to see if his wife and the runner were following; he could hear the girl’s boots well enough and he trusted Moira.
“The Molten Core, sire. Elementals have surged out.”
“We are being attacked by Ragnaros himself? Damn it all.”
“Not just that, either. The Twilight Hammer is calling for your head. They claim that Ragnaros disapproves of your marriage and the decision to entertain those emissaries from Stormwind.”
The Emperor ground his teeth. “Moira, this Bismark fellow had better be worth it.” Experimentally, Dagran reached out to the well of power he had been granted by Baron Char. There was only darkness; he’d been cut off. Time to see if he was worth a damn on his own merits, it seemed.
Moira had her amulet clasped in one hand. “Of course. I’m calling for backup right now.”
“We’re going to need it.” The stated reasons played into the isolationists’ fears; he wouldn’t be able to rely on anyone from that lot. Even more than normal. “Are we holding the tunnel?”
“Yes sir. I was sent for you, but per your standing orders your Royal Guard was contacted with our fastest runner.” Good. They were all kitted out in “ceremonial” dark iron armor. The unusual metal, nearly unique to Blackrock Mountain, absorbed excess heat and light when properly forged. It was just as good as steel in most situations, but since he’d come into power he’d been pruning his elite to make sure that he was always surrounded by personally loyal troops wearing equipment that would make them almost entirely fireproof. This attack had been inevitable.
Warriors in Stormwind Tabards and plate began appearing around Moira as his armorer helped him into his plate. He spoke to their leader in common. “You lot. When ten of you are here, go with Dazned over there and relieve some of my Royal Guard. Tell them to go pacify the rioters in the city. Moira, you stick with me and stay in contact with the humans.” As he put on his crown, a blonde elf woman arrived and immediately dashed out of the room and a runner from the gates was let in by his bodyguards.
“Sire. The Blackrock clan is attacking the gates.”