Last Bookkeeping… for at least a few hours

5/27 morning

Lividia needed to leave for the Monastery at dawn, and this time she woke me up on the way out. We had slept in one of Dena’s guest rooms, not wanting to seem too casual to the party of adventurers in my apartment. They all had mental blocks against questioning my motives, the door to my closet was locked, and Valeera was totally on my side, but it just seemed wisest to let them cool their heels for now. I’d send Onyxia over to spin some tale about why they need to stay in place for a while, or maybe I could convince them to do some kind of mission for me. Whatever works.

I made my way over to Darnassus and met up with Ainethil and Sylvanna, casually placing my mission tracker onto Onyxia, who was still in Dustwallow Marsh. From my amulet, Varvara had swapped over to being in Sylvanna’s head a few hours back. I introduced myself while we waited for Ainethil to “finish with something in the back,” really an excuse to let me flirt with Sylvanna and try to make use of my lures. Nothing worked, and I was a little confused until Vara let me know via text that she was into women. I stopped creeping on the lesbian and resolved to come back as a woman later.

The project our master alchemist came up with for her employee and my new leatherworking paramour was simple. Banal really. A cheaper alchemical solution for waterproofing leather. It didn’t need to be much, it just needed to get them working together. I tracked down Lotherias and brought her to the shop, and put some serious pressure onto her to do this job for me. She agreed, but only when she saw the pay check she was being offered to consult.

Neither girl seemed overwhelmingly enthusiastic about it, but they had enough incentive to agree. With that, the mission was complete. I’d give them a little time, but I’m pretty sure I was going to bring at least some of these girls back to the Twilight Grove with me. I floated the idea by Lotherias on my way out and she didn’t seem overwhelmingly enthusiastic; that was fine. She could work from Darnassus just as well.

••••••••••

Back at the Grove I saw something odd; several elves were in line at the Hunter’s lodge, where Auffrey had apparently been snatched up to do something involving paperwork. Briefly forgetting about missions, I asked Prudence, standing nearby, what this was about.

“Oh, hey. Yeah, Irma decided that the best way to get these people off their asses was to offer them special housing. Nobody else had set anything up in this building here, so I guess it’s going to be a lodge for artisans now. Those guys are filling out forms about what they know that’s worth doing.”

“Not bad. As good a use for the building as any.”

“You should tell the rangers that. Some of them were really eyeing it as a new lodge, apparently.”

“Thanks. I’ll clear it up.”

I would too. During my daily training. If I was lucky, Sylvanas would be captured later today. If not… well. She’d probably be pissed at me about Nathanos. No pain no gain, right?

With that in mind, I decided to use A Price On Love on her. It was a heart shaped locket, which grew warm as I imagined Sylvannas. With the psychic equivalent of checking a box that said I read the terms and conditions, I felt the amulet melt away into nothing in my hand. In my mission log I found a new mission. It was a doozy.

The Scourge’s CradleConvert Andorhol into a stronghold either owned by or friendly to the Forsaken. Bonus if the Forsaken lose no resources or people in the process.Rewards: 10 credits, instant capture of Sylvanas Windrunner, Royal Apothecary Morales, Heart StealerBonus: Luxury goods: Masks, Fiendish Contract

Heart Stealer: Allows the user to steal a relationship involving a target in line of sight, redirecting all emotional connections and reworking all relevant memories. For example, the user could steal someone’s wife. Said wife would see the user in exactly the same way she used to see the target, and everyone (including the target) would completely accept that she was the user’s wife. This would also steal any relationships contingent on that first relationship, such as any children produced by the marriage or friendships they would not have without the wife’s influence. The target will have absolutely zero connection to the stolen relationships as far as anyone can remember, and despite the wording of this descriptor either the husband or wife could serve as the point of contact for this item. The user will receive an extra set of memories of the altered timeline.

Fiendish Contract: The terms of any bargain written upon this paper are eternally binding unless the contract is destroyed. All signatories must understand what they are agreeing to, but need not be aware of its magical components.

Nice, and likely to become more nice later. Unfortunately it’s about as brutal as expected. In the original launch for Classic WoW, Andorhol was probably the most dangerous location in the world that wasn’t a dungeon or raid. By the lore, it’s pre-nerf state makes a lot of sense. It essentially served as the anchor which made it impossible for other factions to make their way into the Western Plaguelands, and was a place max level characters would actively skirt around. I’m genuinely not sure if this or Scholomance is the bigger job, and I’m leaning towards this.

Andorhol is where the Scourge really started in Lordaeron. It was the breadbasket of the whole region, and the plague was mostly spread via infected grain that started there. It’s overseen by a powerful Lich named Araj the Summoner, and has tens of thousands of powerful undead according to the lore.

I was already thinking of ways to start in on it, but my normal strategies of grinding away while minimizing risk or overwhelming the target with a full mobilization might not be sufficient. It may be a good place for Lividia to train with Light’s Wrath once she gets better with the staff, and if I filled out the roster on the Demon Goon Squad an army of 100 demons per day would be… honestly a drop in the bucket for the most part. Even if I send my relatively heavy demons like Nozara and Kathra’Natir, the difference in numbers is absurd. I could repeat these doomed charges every day or two, which would at minimum make life a little easier for the Forsaken, Argent Dawn, and Scarlet Crusaders in the area. The city would probably be reinforced from elsewhere in the Plaguelands, but who knows? Maybe the Crusade would have a field day ambushing the reinforcements in transit.

As for the rewards… they are good. Very good. Hardly even worth thinking about right now, because they are so incredibly out there in the future, but I obviously wanted them. I also wanted whatever bonus The Company would sub in for Sylvannas. It could be Wyldscape defense and I’d take it in a heartbeat despite not being entirely clear where that would apply in Azeroth, just for the pile of rebate credits I should eventually be able to harvest from it. There is nothing they could give me worth 50 credits that I’d turn my nose up at. They could give me ten copies of Lucille Waycrest and I’d say “yes thank you” before turning around and trying to find out who the hell she even is.

Anyway. Time to stop salivating over that and shift my focus to the rest of my missions. My minor mission was obviously done, which meant a regional mission for Teldrassil. I also had the regional mission in Stonetalon to look at. I’d been a bit fixated on the Price for Love when I finished burning down that house unprovoked.

Teldrassil: Defeat Ursal the Mauler, Chief of the Gnarlpine FurbolgsRewards: Power Trader, the Druids sleeping in the Ban’ethil Barrow Den will be purified of corruption and wake up.Power Trader: Allows two willing and informed individuals to trade skillsets once, functioning as power swap in both directions. Physical traits and skills which would not push someone above tier 1 will remain unaffected.

Hello Calia. Would you like to actually just be a housewife? We can do that without losing your skillset. Hell, if Scarletleaf, who from Harnea’s report is a very promising but not astounding student, is anything to go by Calia would still have unusually high amounts of talent with the light if she agreed to practice with it normally after trading it away. Oh yeah, and waking up/uncorrupting the Druids. That’s a good thing to do at the moment.

Also: I’m pretty sure he’s literally in the same small settlement as Ferocitus. He’s easy pickings. I sent a few notes for Emeriss and The Classics to make their way to Gnarlpine Hold. A nice mass sleep fog and warping the Furbolgs out to be purified sounds great to me. Good use of an afternoon, and they should get used to working together.

Stonetalon Mountains: Defeat the Bloodfury Ripper, Queen of the Bloodfury HarpiesRewards: Instant Capture of Sister Riven

Who the fuck is Sister Riven? Another harpy, apparently. Harpies, like gnolls, are bloodthirsty psychopaths as a general rule. They are genuinely intelligent, and frequently skilled in magic, but they are such complete psycho bitches at a species wide level that they never apply that intelligence to anything but screwing over each other and their neighbors.

In Warcraft 3 you could occasionally hire them as mercenaries, in hearthstone one of them joined a gang of brainwashing drug dealers at some point, and they apparently get along with kobolds well enough to take advantage of the absolute steal that is trading earwax for raw gemstones. Their ultimate creator, Aviana, is alright, and I think she has a few followers that didn’t go completely evil when she died, but they certainly don’t get much of a spotlight. Those are literally the only times I can think of when they have been anything but kill on sight monsters with nice tits.

They are fairly attractive, though, if you aren’t really into feet. In a fuck, marry, kill of harpies, gnolls, and centaur, harpies would be the one to fuck. Centaur would be the ones to marry, incidentally; they are capable of being moderately reasonable when it benefits them to do so. Of course, the actual reward of a red and white colored harpy waifu is a fairly minor benefit compared to a regional upgrade. This felt like another ripe fruit I could hand off to someone of my choice. I realized who it should be almost the moment I thought about it.

Now. On to the new minor mission.

I Have You NowHave Guard Byron kidnap Decedra Wilham and keep her in his house for at least 24 hours without anyone knowing.Paralytic Poison, Temptress Bell

What the fuck Company? That’s both creepy and inefficient. Next.

Enlist todayHave yourself added to the payroll for the Theramore Guard.Reward: Piccolo of Flaming Fire, all members of the Theramore Military will be outfitted in gear designed primarily to be aesthetically pleasing and flattering to the figure, similar to that of Jaina Proudmore. It will be enchanted to compensate.

Piccolo of Flaming Fire: anyone who hears music being played from this piccolo will feel compelled to dance. The quality of music will influence the subtlety and strength of the compulsion, ranging from involuntary muscle spasms in the case of artless doots to dropping everything without mortal consequences to lose oneself in the music for a virtuoso performance. Company provided defenses do not counter this.

Weird? A bit. Possibly useful? Yeah. Potentially the first use for Performance talent since I got it? Just so. In any event, I had no moral objection to the mission so I was going to do it. I sent a note to the Rogues to get on that. As almost an afterthought I included Matthias Shaw in the group text. I figured that the Stormwind equivalent of M from James Bond would be able to contribute from afar. I’ll definitely have him as an honorary part of The Rogues going forward, and I’ll need to work with him on some things moving forward.

There was one last thing to do right now; cancel a mission. The Stones that Bind Us has a penalty hanging over it that Darcell didn’t think was reliably avoidable. I’ll probably go back to the region at some point, but not for a while. I have too much else to handle. So. What am I getting as the replacement?

The Sign of the EarthRetrieve the Sign of Earth from Boss Tho’Grun in the Badlands and return it to Gorn, of the horde, or Garek, of the Alliance.Reward: 1 credit + (Psychic Paper (Garek)) OR (1 mission Ticket, 1 credit, pickup line (Gorn))

Branching path mission? Ok. I’ll bite. Psychic paper was a 5 credit perk that seemed like it had a ton of potential uses; it was a piece of paper that would show the reader whatever I wanted, from an ID to orders from higher up. Gorn was offering more swag, but not particularly good swag. Unless Garek is blatantly evil or something, there’s basically no question who I’ll choose.

I looked over my mission log and thought I might need to delete some more missions. Not yet though. I was finished with my breakfast, I was sick of looking at my amulet, and I wanted to do something more active. I had to go talk to my necromancers; it was about time that I start working towards Scholomance and a plan was forming in my head.