Chapter 11 – A Cry in the dark

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Even the strongest of us fall some day.

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The stone floor was cold beneath me as I found myself back in the cell. I couldn’t remember how I got here, and it didn’t really matter. The silence weighed down on me, thick and unrelenting, pressing in from every side. It was different from the peaceful silence beneath the tree. This silence was suffocating, relentless. And I was alone, or at least I would have been, if not for Baloria’s presence at my side.

My mind raced, though, circling the same thought over and over. I had a family. I had people who loved me, a mother who smiled when she held me, a father who beamed with pride, and even friends who laughed beside me. I could see their faces so clearly now, the memories pouring in as if some dam had burst. I could feel the weight of my father’s hand as it ruffled my hair, hear my mother’s laughter as she read me stories, feel the warmth of their love wrapped around me like a blanket.

But it was all gone. Torn away as if it had never been there. And I didn’t understand. I didn’t know why this life had to be so cruel. Why, after finally being given something I’d longed for my whole life, it had been ripped from me, leaving me here in this pit of despair.

A tremor wracked through me, my fingers curling into fists. My breath hitched, the pain squeezing my chest, tighter and tighter, until it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked down at my hands, clutching them as if I could hold onto the memories that were already starting to feel distant. I wanted to scream, to cry, to tear apart the walls of this cursed cell. But all I could do was sit there, crumbling under the weight of my own grief.

Baloria was there, watching silently, as if waiting for something. She didn’t speak, and somehow, her silence felt louder than any words she could have said. It was as if she were forcing me to confront this… every horrible memory, every pang of loss and loneliness. As if she wanted me to drown in it.

The tears came before I could stop them, hot and burning, spilling down my cheeks. I hated it. Hated feeling so weak, so broken. But I couldn’t stop myself. The images kept coming… my mother’s warm embrace, her soft voice singing me to sleep. I could almost feel her arms around me, her heartbeat beneath my ear as I lay against her chest.

But that woman, that love, was lost to me now. Stolen in a heartbeat, like so many things in this wretched life. My fingers dug into my arms, trying to hold myself together, but I could feel the cracks forming, spreading like fractures in glass.

“I had everything…” My voice was barely a whisper, lost in the emptiness around me. “I had everything I ever wanted. And now…” The words broke off, choked by the lump in my throat.

Baloria remained silent, her eyes fixed on me, unblinking, unyielding. She offered no comfort, no cruel remarks, just a cold, steady gaze that pierced through me. I wanted to hate her for it, for standing there so impassively while I shattered. But I knew this was what she did, she watched, she waited, she reveled in my suffering.

And yet, I couldn’t stop the torrent of memories. My mother’s laugh. The way she would tuck me in at night, smoothing down my hair, whispering that I was her treasure. My father, lifting me onto his shoulders, showing me the world from above, telling me I could be anything, do anything. The girl next door, who had always been there, my first friend. A friend who would never even recognize me now, as if I had never existed.

They’d forgotten me. The world had forgotten me. And I was left here, broken, abandoned, an experiment. Something they poked and prodded, waiting to see how much I could take before I finally broke. The cultists, their endless hands, their cruel whispers. And above all of it, Baloria, the shadow that loomed over my mind, filling every corner with her darkness.

It was too much. All of it, too much. I could feel the scream building in my chest, clawing its way up, tearing at my throat. I wanted to let it out, to release all the pain and rage and sorrow boiling inside me. But it was stuck, trapped in my throat like a poison, choking me from the inside out.

My hands shook, clutching at the thin fabric of my shirt. “Why?” I whispered, the word barely audible. “Why did it have to be like this?” My voice broke, the last word a strangled sob. “Why give me a family, a home, just to take it all away?”

"It's not fair," | spat, the bitterness lacing my words. "I was given a chance a real chance to be happy, to have a family, to be... loved. And it was taken from me.

Like a cruel joke."

The laughter that bubbled up from my chest was hollow, twisted, echoing off the stone walls of my cell. "Do you understand, Baloria? Do you? I had everything... and now I have nothing… say something, please… say something."

Still, she remained silent, her gaze steady, unflinching. It was infuriating, her silence, her refusal to offer any words of comfort or pity. But deep down, I knew that nothing she could say would make a difference. This pain was mine to bear, a wound that no words could heal.

And in that deafening silence, the memories kept flooding back. Every tender moment, every touch, every laugh. Each one a knife, carving deeper and deeper, until there was nothing left but a raw, open wound.

And then I was alone in that memory—no mother, no father, no friend. Just me, standing in the ruins of a life that had been nothing but a lie. A cruel, twisted illusion.

A laugh broke through my lips, hollow and bitter. It was almost funny, in a sick way. How foolish I had been, to believe, even for a moment, that happiness was something I could hold onto. That love was something meant for me. How many times would I have to lose everything, before I learned that this world had nothing good to offer me? Just like the previous one.

I could feel the anger building, consuming me, burning through the sorrow and the despair. I wanted to scream, to tear at the walls, to let the rage and the pain consume me entirely. I wanted to shatter, to break apart until there was nothing left.

With a strangled scream, I threw myself against the cold, unyielding walls, my fists pounding against the stone until my knuckles were raw and bleeding. The pain was sharp, grounding, but it did nothing to quell the storm raging inside me.

Tears streamed down my face, hot and relentless, and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I didn't care. I wanted the pain, wanted the hurt, wanted to feel every ounce of the agony that was tearing me apart.

And all the while, Baloria stood there, silent, her gaze unwavering. Watching.

Finally, exhausted, I collapsed onto the floor, my body trembling with the force of my sobs. I hugged my knees to my chest, burying my face in my arms, the weight of my grief pressing down on me until I thought I might suffocate.

The silence stretched on, heavy and suffocating, until I thought I might drown in it. And then, in a voice barely more than a whisper, I spoke.

"I just... I just wanted to be loved," I choked out, the words barely audible, my voice breaking under the weight of the truth. "I wanted... I wanted to be someone's everything. To matter. Just once."

Baloria's gaze softened, a flicker of something almost... tender passing across her face. But she didn't reach out, didn't offer any comfort. She simply watched, her presence a steady, unwavering anchor in the storm of my grief.

I curled into myself, letting the sobs tear through me. My chest burned, each sob ripping something out of me, piece by agonizing piece, until I was sure there would be nothing left. Just an empty shell, a hollow vessel for whatever darkness Baloria wanted to pour into me.

The memories blurred, twisting and distorting, until I couldn’t tell where they ended and the reality of my cell began. I could still feel my mother’s arms around me, but her face was fading, slipping away like sand through my fingers. I tried to hold on, to cling to that last shred of warmth, but it was no use. She was gone. They were all gone.

A scream tore from my throat, raw and guttural, filling the emptiness around me. It echoed off the stone walls, reverberating back, louder and louder, until it was all I could hear. I screamed until my throat was raw, until my voice broke, until there was nothing left but silence.

And then, finally, I collapsed, the last of my strength leaving me. The darkness closed in, pulling me under, and I let it. There was nothing left to fight for. Nothing left to hold on to.

As I slipped into unconsciousness, the last thing I felt was Baloria’s gaze on me, cold and unyielding, a grin slowly forming on her lips, a silent reminder that there was no escape from this hell.

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