Ch 2.12: Tears

The week had dragged on, had frazzled Elaina so much that she almost started walking towards her fencing class after getting breakfast. It was still canceled of course, since a replacement for Ranlit hadn’t been hired yet. Elaina frowned at the though. She was mostly over the feelings of guilt, but there was still the lingering sadness, the thoughts of how things might have been different if the Red Order hadn’t attacked, or at least hadn’t attacked so soon.

She wasn’t exactly sure where to go, not having any class until after lunch. It was just History too, so she’d have a break from the strenuous classes at least. She thought about trying to find Carline, but she’d been gone when Elaina had woken, and she had no idea where to begin looking, so she decided she’d go for a walk outside to see the lake on a sunny day.

Her mind was filled with thoughts of the sun and how it had felt on her skin that day underneath sky with Flora, so filled with those thoughts that she didn’t even notice the person she ran into as she rounded the hallway corner. The person went flying back, the unlucky victim of Elaina’s accidental strength, stumbling to the ground and splaying out as Elaina opened her mouth to apologize.

She didn’t apologize though, closing her lips and furrowing her brow as she realized who it was she’d run into: Waine Ferris. He was alone, uncharacteristic of him from everything Elaina had seen up until this point, staring up at her with a dumbfounded expression, with what looked to be tears in his eyes?

“Uhm, are you okay?” Elaina asked, confused more than anything else.

Waine started to glare at her, pushing himself onto his feet and wiping his eyes. “You really do have no manners, don’t you?” The words were strained, caught in his throat. His eyes were bloodshot too, too bloodshot for an instance of tears. He’d been crying before Elaina had knocked him down, not because of it.

It still wasn’t enough to make Elaina feel sorry for him, nor to apologize. “We both ran into each other, you know.”

“Are you—” Waine shook his head, fist clenching up. “You’re the one that came barreling around that corner. I stopped when I saw you, and you still bowled over me like some kind of brute. The least you could do is say sorry if you weren’t even going to help me up.”

“Tch.” Even if he was right, Elaina still didn’t owe him an apology. The weight of what he’d done far surpassed anything she could ever do to him.

But still…

Elaina sighed, crossing her arms, already regretting the words that were about to come out. “What’s wrong?”

Waine looked to the side, tears still welling up on his face. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Elaina rolled her eyes, groaning. She didn’t know why she was offering him any sort of compassion. “I’m trying to be nice here, but if you’re looking for apologies you’re going to need to start offering before I say shit.”

“You still have no idea what you did to me that night, to my family, to the Fireguard family.”

“Are you still talking about the Awakening? You heard Alonse, saw my actual Awakening. It was an accident.”

“An ‘accident’ that shamed two great houses! Not to mention what you and the captain of the bitch-watch did to me in class.”

Elaina stared at him, mouth agape. “You cannot be serious. You were going to sell pictures of me half naked to the whole school! You were blackmailing me!” She was becoming more aware of her surroundings now, of the fact that there were people stopping to stare at them as she was shouting, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“And you had the nerve to stay here anyway. When will you understand that someone like you doesn’t belong here? No amount of Remedial Etiquette can change who you are. You, Strask, the whole lot of you shouldn’t have even been tested, much less admitted. You come in here embarrassing your betters, making demands you have no right to, cheating in fencing class—”

“Horse shit! I didn’t cheat at all, but I very much remember something happening to my muscles in our fencing duel together. I wonder how that could have happened? It was such a familiar feeling, losing control of my own body, kind of like when you lured me out into the forest and tore my clothes up. Remember that?”

Waine’s face was seething, glancing around at the crowd growing even bigger around him, still struggling to hold back tears as he inhaled through his nose. “Your memory sure is an interesting one. Did Prisma whack you on the head one too many times in fencing class? You know I didn’t even touch you that night.”

Elaina shook her head, nostrils flaring. “No, she didn’t—”

Waine moved forward, foot stomping on the ground and cutting her off. “She didn’t what? Didn’t hold the scissors? Didn’t shear you like a sheep, like the animal you are? You shamed her family just as much as mine, more even. We did that together, decided on it together. Sure, she’s got a weaker will, apologized to you even. But feeling sorry for you doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve it. She knows that, and it’s about time you learned it as well, just like it’s about time you learned your place.”

Learn her place? She knew her place. She was the System Administrator, undoubtedly the strongest student in their grade, possibly the entire school. She could show Waine Ferris his place at any time.

And she had. She’d fought him, twice. Won both times. And she was still scared of the thoughts she’d had the night of the battle, how easy the thought of letting him die had come to her.

Elaina took a deep breath, and did her best to exhale the thoughts of violence from her mind. “You know what? Whatever happened to make you cry, I’m glad it did.”

Waine cast his glance aside once more, anger melting off his face, turning into sorrow. “Be careful, Weaver. When you wish pain on someone else, the gods think it’s something you’d like to experience yourself.”

“Old proverbs don’t scare me, Ferris. And I guarantee I can handle pain better than you.”

“We’ll see. But you should be careful what you wish for.”

The words lingered in the air as Waine walked off, hanging like thick smoke. The were unnerving to Elaina in a way that was hard to put her finger on. They hadn’t sounded like a threat, like Waine was going to do something to her. They were just a matter of fact observation. A warning?

She shook her head and started off again, breaking through the crowd, this time heading back to her room instead of outside.