Ch 3.14: Understanding

“Kaldish is still a nation then?” Temmie asked, seeming nonplussed about Elaina’s telling her that they were going to war there.

“I guess,” Elaina replied, throwing her head back onto her pillow. There wasn’t much concern in Temmie’s voice, and that stung a little.

“It is good that my geopolitical information is not entirely out of date then. I will speak to Carline later to ensure any gaps in my knowledge are filled so I can best assist you.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Elaina said, turning and burying her face into the sheets. Of the people she’d spoken to besides her actual party members, only Sylvas seemed to actually be taking this seriously, and that bothered her. If Kalivahn had known anything she’d kept quiet, Alonse who she’d once thought was the most trustworthy person at the school had acted like it was completely routine, and now even Temmie was barely interested in the fact that she was leaving.

“You seem disturbed.”

It was eminently frustrating, how little there was to read from Temmie’s voice. Annoying at the best of times, Elaina was suddenly finding it downright hurtful.

“Do you even need to say that?” Elaina muttered into her mattress.

“I… am afraid I do not understand.”

Elaina flipped onto her back again, groaning into the room. She still had an etiquette lesson later, didn’t have time to be dealing with Temmie’s lack of understanding right now. A part of her, a large part, wanted to skip that lecture, but cutting class was the one thing she’d promised her parents she wouldn’t do.

She balled up a fist as she thought about them, taking in a deep breath as she struggled not to scream. They’d been so shocked when the priest said she had an aspect, even more shocked that it was strong enough to warrant admission to Endrin instead of their small local college. Everyone had been shocked then though, and while the fact had only served to drive a wedge between her and the other teenagers, one wider than the division there already was, her parents had become unbelievably proud of her once the shock had subsided.

That didn’t feel good, of course. She hadn’t done anything worthy of praise, just had gotten lucky. Even back then she had it in the back of her mind she was a dud, that their wine-loving priest had gotten a little overexcited in his examination of her. And now here she was, more power than she could have ever imagined, and what was she doing with it? Going to war against a people she didn’t know her country was at war with, promising safety to golems who were just protecting the planet only for those golems to be killed shortly after, making deals with criminals she knew would betray her at a moments notice, all while she committed daily treason just by existing.

The power she’d gained was, once again, an accident, pure happenstance that she was the one who found Temmie before her actual Awakening, that she’d been deviant enough to build a party with people that were actually talented, actually worked hard, that actually deserved to lead. She was supposed to face her parents, her entire village, like this?

“Elaina,” Temmie’s soft, buzzing voice said.

“What?”

“I am still confused. I am aware you are bothered by something, but I am not sure by what.”

Elaina usually felt like Temmie was people, not human obviously, but like a person. There were other times though when the orb seemed beyond personhood, the alien artifact that deep down Elaina knew she was.

“It’s nothing,” she said, the easiest way to ignore it she could think of. She had enough on her mind, didn’t want to have to reconcile those thoughts as well.

Temmie was quiet for a bit, and while Elaina didn’t exactly resolve any of the issues in her mind, she was able to push them a bit further back, focus on other things.

“I apologize,” Temmie said.

“For what?” Elaina asked.

“I have always had difficulty understanding others. I am usually quite clear in my own speech, but that does not always translate to comprehension.”

Elaina looked over to the nightstand Temmie was resting on, almost expecting to see a somber face. It wasn’t of course, just the same crystal sphere there always was, a faint blue light shining from it. Like always Temmie’s way of speaking was odd, but Elaina had no trouble understanding her, and for some reason she sounded more human than ever at that moment.

“If I have offended, please understand it was unintentional. If you do not wish to speak of it, I will not press further. But if you do wish to speak, I will do my best to understand.”

Elaina didn’t really know how to take the offer. “Speaking about it would probably be better, but I don’t want to think about it either…”

“Hmmm. That is a troubling situation indeed.”

“I’ve tried talking about it with Alonse, but he didn’t seem to care. I don’t want to talk about it with the other girls, because I know it’s bothering them all too.”

“Ah, they also wish to not think about it, so you worry speaking to them will cause undue stress.”

“So I’m stuck here, with either no one that understands, or people that aren’t going to want to talk about it either.”

“And I am one of the ones that do not understand?”

Elaina swallowed, her throat feeling heavy. “Yeah.”

“I see.”

There was no judgement in the words, no pain. Temmie knew what offense was, had been offended before even Elaina knew, but knowing this, Temmie seemed perfectly content.

“I don’t want to go to Kaldish.”

“Because of the location?”

“Because I don’t want to go to war.”

“Ah,” Temmie said, blue light pulsating slightly. “I believe I understand now. My apologies, but war is usually something an Administrator has participated in before assuming the role. Sometimes I forget your own relative inexperience.”

Elaina wasn’t really sure how that could be the case. She certainly didn’t act the part, didn’t have the knowledge or skills to be anything but a fledgling student. “I don’t even know why the war exists. I don’t want to fight for something— I don’t want to fight for nothing.”

“To not know your purpose must be difficult. I count myself fortunate that mine is clear to me.”

“I already don’t trust the kingdom, already know they’ve been lying about so much. They’re apparently killing the planet, have some sort of deal with the Red Order, and who knows what else.”

“It is not an enviable position to be in.”

“No… But it’s the one I’m in.”

“I trust you will make the best decision you can with the information you have.”

Elaina inhaled deeply, eyes shooting open in shock as she did. The breath was deeper, easier coming in somehow. As she breathed out the air it was a smoother release too, her shoulders seeming lighter as they came together and she sank deeper into the bed. She didn’t know why, but she felt better.

The two didn’t talk again after that. They just stayed in the room as the sun rose over their window, blanketing the room with shade, as the bell for Elaina’s class rang, as the bell signaling that classes end rang. The sat their until the dinner bell rang and Elaina’s stomach told her it was time to finally move again.

“I need to go,” she told Temmie as she sat up.

“Of course.”

Temmie didn’t say anything as Elaina put her back into the drawer, next to the other, currently dim orb, but the blue light pulsated once more as the drawer started to close. Elaina couldn’t be sure what that actually was, but it felt like a comforting gesture.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Farewell for now. And Elaina, if you wish to hold me as you sleep as you have done in the past, you always may.”

Elaina smiled at that, only nodding as she headed off to the dining hall.