34 — Smoke And Mirrors

Eun Ha's POV:

"Come on, Dae Ho ~ " Mia, in her usual exuberant fashion, wrapped a hand around Dae Ho's shoulder, grinning foolishly at him. "We're gonna have fun ~ forget about the channel for one day."

Eun Ha stared at her bowl of soup, her appetite dead and gone. A lump of something was stuck in her throat.

"You two have gotten really close." Su Ah observed. And for some reason, it made Eun Ha's hands ball into fists. Even she didn't know why she was feeling that way.

"We've always been." Mia said with an extravagant flip of her hair. "Isn't that right, Dae Ho?" She winked at him.

Dae Ho hummed. "That's not entirely true." Mia narrowed her eyes, and he smirked in response. "Though, I must admit that our recent conjoint venture into creating a NewTube channel has let me see… a very 'endearing' side of her."

"See?" Mia puffed her chest out, triumphantly.

Su Ah stared at her sister for a moment longer before she decided that it wasn't really her business. Yeong Gu, on the other hand, was blissfully unaware of the tension at the table as he browsed through the messages on his phone.

"Now, Dae Ho. Open your mouth, say ahnn ~ " She prompted, holding a chopstickful of rice in front of his mouth. Dae Ho stared at her. She stared back, unflinching.

"I'm not a kid, Mia Noona."

"Ahnnn ~ "

"Mia—"

"Ahnnnnnnn ~ "

The chopsticks were poking his cheek insistently.

Dae Ho released a sigh and reluctantly opened his lips. Mia smiled widely as she held a hand underneath the chopsticks — in case the rice dropped — and tucked the food into his mouth.

Eun Ha felt a lance of heat spearing through her chest.

"Happy?" He asked resentfully.

Mia beamed at him. "Yes!" She prodded him with her hand. "Now it's your turn to feed—"

"Umh… Dae Ho…" Eun Ha swiftly interrupted.

Dae Ho and Mia turned to stare at her. Now in the spotlight, Eun Ha was a little conflicted, but if she didn't go through with it, the heat in her chest would never cool down. "Here, ahnn ~ " She clamped her chopsticks around a slab of meat and held it to him.

"..."

"..."

Eun Ha blushed, but didn't back down.

Dae Ho craned his neck forward and sealed his lips around the tips of her chopsticks. She pulled back, staring at him with sparkly doe eyes. "How is it?"

"It's delicious, as expected of you, Auntie."

The uncomfortable heat in her chest was replaced by a soothing warmth. "Is that so?" A bright smile bloomed on her face. She couldn't help but giggle, hiding the happy bursts behind her hand. She was immensely pleased with herself. "Eat up, Dae Ho! Here…" And then she proceeded to fill up his plate.

"W-Wait!" Mia was flustered. "I'll feed him, mom…"

Eun Ha promptly ignored her daughter's pleas. "It's fine, dear. It's my job to take care of him ~ " Despite her bold words, there was a shy crimson tint on her cheeks.

'What am I doing…?' She thought, slightly embarrassed.

Then she chanced a glance at Dae Ho, who stared at her with a calculative expression. Eun Ha bit her bottom lip, her blush flaring even harder. And when she tilted her gaze to the right, she caught Su Ah's narrowed eyes, an unreadable frown on her face.

Neither of them said anything. And it was probably for the best.

Mia eventually gave up persuading her and slumped back in her seat.

Yeong Gu didn't seem to have noticed anything unusual. Eun Ha was thankful for that — not that there was anything wrong with what she did. She was just feeding her adopted son. If Mia could do it, then so could she.

When lunch finally ended, Mia and Su Ah were still shooting Eun Ha weird glances. Much to her relief, both of them shrugged their suspicions off and scuttled upstairs. Yeong Gu had received an important call, and thus excused himself.

Finally, she was alone. She could do her chores in pea—

Dae Ho placed a hand on Eun Ha's shoulder, startling her. "Are you alright, Auntie? You look…" He paused, trying to find the right words. "Feverish?"

Eun Ha pursed her lips, scratching her cheek. She didn't expect him to stay behind. "I'm not… I'm just…" She averted her gaze, chuckling innocently. "... a little worked up."

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. "What's wrong?"

His piercing stare made her heart flutter.

"N-Nothing…" She unconsciously reached a hand out and rested it on his chest, her fingers sliding across the bulging muscles. Dae Ho looked down, his eyebrows quirking up. She blinked, and immediately retracted her misbehaving hand. "... don't you have to go out with Mia?" She asked, clearing her throat.

Dae Ho's eyes softened. "If you're feeling unwell, I can cancel it. She'll understand."

Eun Ha mentally rebuked herself for her improper behavior… and thoughts.

Something was very, very wrong with her. "No, dear. You don't have to do that—"

Dae Ho stepped closer. "Is it about us?" His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

Eun Ha froze. The question momentarily socketed the air out of her lungs. Her lips opened and closed, the words lingering at the tip of her tongue but finding no strength to come out.

"Auntie?"

"W-What makes you think that?" She waved her hand, as if to dismiss the idea.

Except that he wasn't wrong. He was at the core of her problems. She simply couldn't forget the slow descent of his lips on her skin, the smoldering looks they traded, or the whispered love between one kiss and another.

"You're not looking at me." Dae Ho said, seeking her eyes, but she avoided him.

She played with her fingers. "It's… it's because you're too close."

"To the truth?"

"..." Her eyes drooped, and an air of melancholy clung to her. She rubbed her neck, awkwardly. 'I should be more honest with myself.' The problem was that 'honesty' could do more harm than good, especially if it involved her marriage and her twisted relationship with her adopted son. What good would the truth do in that case?

She might as well keep the skeletons tightly secured in her closet.

However…

'Do I really want to live like this?' She thought with a sigh, before she gazed up at Dae Ho, at his concerned eyes. "Dae Ho… are you seeing someone at the moment?"

He blinked, caught off-guard. "Not… exactly."

The implied meaning was not lost on her. "So… it's a casual… thing?"

Dae Ho winced, a stab of guilt distorting his face. "Yes and no."

She bit her bottom lip. "What do you mean?"

He stared at her, wondering how to best formulate his answer. "It started as casual, but it's… becoming something more."

Eun Ha exhaled. "I see." A few seconds of silence ensued. Then she steeled her resolve. Her eyes shone with determination. "What about us? Is it a casual thing?"

"..."

It was her first time seeing Dae Ho at such a loss for words.

"Is it casual to you, Auntie?" He returned the question right back at her.

Regardless, she had made up her mind. "No, Dae Ho… it's not…"

'I can't even blame him… I was the one who initiated those acts of intimacy with him…'

Eun Ha was fine with how things were between them.

A fleeting fancy, she told herself. She'd grow out of it, she told herself.

It was nothing more than a harmless crush borne from a failed marriage and the constant neglect from the man she swore herself to.

… but now that Dae Ho was growing close to someone else, someone who wasn't her, it made something in her chest constrict painfully.

It kept her awake at night.

She didn't want to lose him…

"Where does this leave us?" Dae Ho asked, appearing highly contemplative yet not knowing what course of action to take. "We're both in a position that doesn't give us much leeway to do what we want."

She nodded, quietly.

'It's not as if I can make him promise me his full exclusivity…'

He was already entangled with someone else.

'I'm not even sure if this is the right thing to do…'

"Let's do a trial run…" Eun Ha suggested, cheeks burning. She could hardly believe those words left her mouth. "We can start by… getting to know each other better…"

'More intimately…'

"Auntie…"

"I'm not saying we should… put an official name to our relationship — not yet." Eun Ha inwardly cringed at her words. Gosh, she was so embarrassed! Was she actually suggesting some kind of immoral, secret rendezvouses with him?

She was still married, for God's sake.

However, her heartbeat thumped with the power of a thousand horses. A wave of heat spread through her body, focusing on her face.

"Nothing good will come out of it." Dae Ho said in a soft tone. "You know that, don't you?"

Eun Ha just smiled, letting the exhaustion of pouring her feelings out bleed through. "Dae Ho… if… if you don't feel for me the same way I do for you, it's fine… j-just say so, and I promise I'll—"

The words halted in her throat when she was suddenly pulled forward, encased between warm, powerful arms. A familiar scent bathed her face, and she breathed all of it, finding comfort in its familiarity.

"You're such a fool, Auntie."

"Am I?" She chuckled.

'I probably am.'

"I swore to myself that I'd make you happy." Dae Ho tightened his hold on her, and she gladly let herself be consumed by his warmth. "Initially, it was because I felt like I owed you a debt, for welcoming me into this family, for taking care of me." His tone lowered. "But when I got to see the vulnerable woman behind that carefree facade… when I held you that night… when I caught that earnest look in your eyes, I realized that it was all smoke and mirrors. I had been lying to myself, and likely not for the first time…"

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

"I don't know if what I feel for you is what I think it is. I don't want to lead you on, Auntie. It wouldn't be fair. Not for you, me, or… her." Dae Ho slowly released Eun Ha, keeping her at arm's length. "Can we talk tonight?"

"Tonight…?"

"Before we take 'this' any further, I wish to come out with the truth… and see where it goes from there. Perhaps it's a mistake, but I don't want to hurt you… or her. God knows I'm already knee-deep in this mess. You don't deserve to be disappointed again." He said, heaving a deep breath. "Tonight, in the living room. I'll tell you everything then."