Chapter 71 — Y3: Divine Catfight

So, how are… y… y-you… um…

…what’s with that look?

I mean, yes, I get it, we’re at an exciting point, but --

What?  That...  How early did you wake up to prepare that…?  Seriously, water and ice in a spray bottle, isn't that going too far?

Okay okay no stop okay!  I'll be good!  No cold on the hot girl!

Starting now!

Argenta and Roberta are two of the most opposed goddesses.

Roberta, the only Atlantean goddess, was the youngest of them all; and also the one that is most vocally loyal to the chief god.  Her shrines have praises for him written on the walls and in her scripture, and she loudly proclaims her loyalty whenever the goddesses get together to talk.

For looks, she's a tall, statuesque sexbot.  Roughly as tall as the Empress, but practically made of curves.  Tits big enough to smother you in and an ass to match, she didn’t even bother wearing clothes as her body was entirely synthetic.  And, obviously, anatomically correct.

The goddess of technology.

Argenta, on the other hand, is short.  She likes to use hooded robes to look more… almost mousy, hiding her violet hair.  She's one of the oldest goddesses in MISSY, if not the oldest, and one of the ones that has done the most raw work to counteract the damage that the chief god does.

If you look at it through the game series, you can see the difference in the changes between Alchemical Corruption One to Alchemical Corruption Two.  Argenta took over the alchemy system between the games, and it went from a broken mess to a fine-tuned work of art.

She doesn’t directly oppose him, nobody can, but she sure does undermine his efforts in the background every chance she gets.

And now, they had both claimed a second divine shard.

By the time the two of them had fully appeared, I had already finished my plan with my shard -- it was no longer in my possession.  And good thing, too, as one of the first things the two goddesses did after sizing each other up, was to look at me.

They talked over each other, but the gist of it was pretty obvious -- they wanted the third shard.

All the goddesses that sought further power or influence, whether for the chief god or to undermine him, knew that when Axiomanagers decided to ‘stay’, three new divine shards were created.  I know I've mentioned this before -- they have three big shards, one small shard, the small one stays, the three big ones leave and become small.

Regardless, if there were two here, it was pretty obvious that there was a third somewhere else.

And since it wasn’t floating around, ‘inside me’ was the most likely location.

Thankfully, as I said?

It was no longer on my person.

…In my person.

In my body.

…

Whatever, I didn’t have it anymore!

The moment I could get a sentence out without being talked over, I said, as fast and clearly as I could, “I sent it to a random location on the planet!  I don’t know where it is!  Please don't kill me!”

Remember, gods can’t read minds, but they can read emotions.  They can tell exactly how I feel about anything at any moment, if they so want, and I knew at that point that I had sent the shard away to someplace not here.

And thus began the greatest of all -- no, wait, you know what I need for this?

I need sock puppets.

Okay there!  So this one is Argenta, and this one is Roberta!

Yes, this is absolutely required.  I will not hear of any other options, for I now have sock puppets.

So!

After I professed my innocence, Roberta -- remember, this one -- said, “Aha, good!  Yes!  It is proper that you do not seek what is forbidden by Megadick!  I see that you are properly faithful.”  And then she turned to Argenta like so… “Unlike some others I might mention.”

Argenta was having none of this.  She just immediately snapped back, “Shut it you malfunctioning piece of metal!  Nobody cares.  Now, Liz, this is important, are you certain that you have no -”

Rawr!

Hm?  Oh, no, yes, Roberta absolutely tackled Argenta at that point, like this.  “You dare?!”  She said.  “You dare question Megadick?!  He who granted us our powers?!”

Gods… can’t hurt other gods.  There’s an automatic defense system in place between them that’s annoyingly efficient.  I think I mentioned that?  Anyway, while they can’t damage each other, they can sort of shove and kind of hurt each other, so it can be like, say -- two bouncy balls being tossed at each other.

They can hit and smoosh against each other, there's noises and yelps, but they aren’t really harmed in the process.  They just -- bounce back and forth.

So it’s basically like two sock puppets grappling each other.  Like this!

Rawr!  “What are you doing you talking garbage heap?!”

Roar!  “I’m merely enforcing Megadick’s will, you heathen!”

Counter-attack!  “Megadick is a moronic name and you know that!”

Under-punch!  “Which is why his true name is Darling Dangerous!”

Slam from above!  “EVERY name that idiot uses is moronic!”

Oddly erotic sock-puppet grappling!  “I merely have proper piety to the one who deserves it!”

Kiss!  Kiss!  Kiss!  “And yet even you don’t tell him shit!”

Mwah!  Mwah mwah!  With tongue!  And boobs smooshing against each other!  And --

-- eh?

Oh.  Um.  Right.

No, uh, they don’t actually make out.  Though they absolutely should have.

The strangely erotic grappling, though?  Yes, that did happen.

...I wish I had pictures…

They continued fighting for a while before they pushed each other away, and they slammed into the sides of the room, crumpling the bunker walls like they were cardboard.

I’m not sure what happened, but this just shows the power of the gods.  Next thing I knew, Argenta and Roberta were floating across from each other with a shimmering shield around each of them.  Both had an ugly snarl across their faces, hands tensing and flexing as if trying to figure out how to strangle the other.

Argenta seemed to snap, and she screamed as a glass flask appeared in her hand.  She crushed it in her fist as she made a throwing motion.

My cyber eyes saved my life by registering it as an attack, and I'd been in enough fights by then that my body moved on its own to leap behind the nearest pew.  And a good thing, too, since I only barely got out of the way of the massive sheet of blue-white flame that Argenta sprayed out at Roberta

It singed and ruined my dress!

And it told me that I needed to leave.

So I did.

Immediately.

Outside of the bunker, the entire battlefield was a massive ruin of robot parts.  Cyber-dragon wreckage was everywhere, and random shards of metal made up more of the ground than the actual earth did.

The Empirical Empress was standing at the highest point of the most intact dead cyber-dragon, sweeping an big piece of crumpled metal back and forth down at the Royal Guards surrounding the corpse all cautiously jabbing up at her with spears and halberds.

Kaiser, Big Bull, Shimizu, Takeo, and Hayato were all assembled together at the back of the crater.  They were having their injuries treated, together with all the other wounded.  It was clear that the battle had ended, maybe not even a full minute before I got outside, so they were catching their breath while watching the show of her screaming about her inevitable victory.

Takeo was the first one to spot me opening the bunker door and scrambling away, and immediately darted to help me move away from the now-ruined bunker.  I could tell he wanted to ask me something, but he took a touch too long before he was interrupted.

By the Atlantean alloy bunker being obliterated.

One moment, it was there.

The next, a light so bright that even looking away, everything went white.

Argenta, apparently, had decided that leaving any evidence of divine shards left was not worth the risk, and decided to just delete the immediate area.  When the light faded, the crater had another, smaller crater in it where the bunker had been.

Roberta was still screaming nonsense about ‘obeying the one true god of gods, he with the biggest cock of them all’, when the Empress decided that she was, naturally, somebody that had a place interrupting the gods.

“My goddess!”  She cried, with an elated look of triumph..  “I have nearly achieved my final victory!  I pray to thee, bless me with power and strength to conquer this land in your name!”

This was not something I expected.

I mean, in retrospect, it was fucking obvious.

Roberta was the goddess of technology, and the Empress was getting far more robots than she had the resources or space to build.  The Empress didn't even understand or build her own things!

There had obviously been something going on, and if there was a divine backer, Roberta was the only reasonable guess.  She’s the one with power over the World Shard’s systems of ‘technology’.  She might need the chief god's permission to do anything blatantly rule-breaking, but she would have at minimum been aware that somebody was summoning robots.

Argenta crowed in some sort of demented victory.  “I knew that you were involved in this!  You were how that idiot got so many forces so fast!  There are advantages to selling out humanity, aren’t there?”

Roberta didn't reply immediately, her haughty rage vanishing as she glanced at Empress with cold, narrowed eyes.

The Empress stared back.  “...My goddess?”

Roberta pulled a remote control out of thin air and pressed the big red button.

The Empress's head exploded.

I heard Big Bull start cussing up a storm while Argenta continued to rant.  “Oh, trying to hide the evidence, now, are you?  You always planned to get rid of her, huh?  But it's too late for that!  Give me the divine shard, and maybe I won’t tell everybody what you’ve done here!”

Roberta tossed the remote away, then drew herself up straighter, and hovering slightly but noticeably higher than Argenta.  "I invite you to do so!   Darling Dangerous knows that everything I do is for him!  If you speak of this to anyone, then I will only be too glad to submit both of us to his wise and fair judgment!"

That made Argenta pause, and then narrow her eyes.  “...This isn’t over.”

“Coward,”  Was Roberta's only reply, before they both waved a hand toward the rest of us, making their conversation fade from all of our minds.

...For two weeks.

Then we all recovered our full memories, which just added even more confusion.  It was clear that Argenta wouldn’t want anybody to remember the conversation; she wanted to keep her new ‘toy’ a secret.

The obvious conclusion was that Roberta wanted the same, but if so, why only temporarily remove our memories?  Was it Roberta or Argenta?  Or some third party?

…Regardless, those were questions for later.  For now, from the perspectives of myself and every other mortal in the crater, we suddenly found ourselves remembering everything except what the two goddesses had said.  They both exchanged one last glare, before teleporting away.

I let myself fall to the ground, panting as the adrenaline slowly faded from my system.

That was not how I expected that time slot to end!

Gods fighting each other right in front of you isn’t good for the heart.

I had fully refreshed my body and mind using the moment I had a divine shard, but just from what had happened since then, I had gone right back to being so exhausted that I just wanted to go to sleep.

…It was then that Kaiser walked over and picked me up, slinging me over his shoulder.

I squealed in surprise.  I hadn’t even heard him move!  “Wh-what are you doing?!”  I said, starting to kick and flail in an attempt to get away.

He just got out with a light growl, “I’m claiming my reward.”

Naturally, I tried to refute this point.

But nobody spoke up.  Not Big Bull, not Takeo, not even Shimizu!

Kaiser just grinned when I went quiet, and said, “It was agreed upon before the battle started, prey.  You’re mine for the rest of the day.”

And that was when I felt the warmth of a new blessing.

[Blessing:  Easy Prey][Requirements:  During a moment of intense danger, realize that the most important thing in life is that you are prey to the strong, and that that is so hot… while not having the blessing ‘Romance Obsessed’.][Effects:  Everybody that you would find attractive knows you are ‘easy prey’.  No effects are needed to make you easier, because you are already easy prey.  Your body will instinctively ready itself upon a predator that you find attractive moving to claim you.]

I wasn’t in danger at that precise moment, no, but apparently the goddess of domination thought it was close enough to count.

I felt my muscles starting to relax, as if they were refusing to tense up, as the blessing was processed throughout my being.

I also realized I was getting wet.

Kaiser just laughed as he carried me away.

Big fight over!  Now put that spray bottle away!  You don't need it anymore!

...Please?

Hm?

Oh!  Right!

Right.  The divine shard that I had.

No, I didn’t actually send it off to some random location.  I just used it to brainwash myself into believing I did.  I kept it safe and sound~

So.  One can’t track divine shards.  But one can track the effects of using one.  Sending messages to somebody, the specific kind of light they emit when unclaimed and not in a body, things like that.

So in order to keep it, I had to send the shard to somebody that would be willing to give it back to me… who would also not use it and show no sign of having it.

That immediately discounted anybody in battle.  The shards are so intuitive to use that the result of somebody like Shimizu or Takeo getting one would be obvious.

Omori, I still didn't trust enough for that.  And Yuki, uh, yeah, no.

So there was only one person I could send it to.

One person, that wouldn’t use it, that would figure out why I sent it to them, and that wouldn’t show any sign that anything had changed.

I sent it to Sumiko.

Remember, Sumiko’s smart.  She figured out there was time travel nonsense going on early into the first year just from watching Takeo and me!

Suddenly having a divine shard merge with out of nowhere -- there were a few potential possibilities about how that happened, sure.  But in all of them, it would be clear that whoever gave it to her didn’t want others to know, or else they’d have told her about it.

Further, we all knew about divine shards.  We’d been discussing anything that could come up, and though we didn’t talk a lot about them, Sumiko’s memory is kinda terrifying at times.  So I knew she’d remember what we said, about the importance of not using them.

Especially not using them to obtain immortality.

The difference between a ‘god’ and a ‘mortal with a shard’ is that for a god, the shard replaces their soul.  And that is very, very, very easy to detect.  You just scan for ‘people without souls’, and anything that ‘dings’ is a god trying to hide.

And all you need to do is go, ‘Make me immortal!’ while having a shard merged with you.

Sumiko was the only one I could trust to figure all of that out, without making any mistakes.

…so now we had a mad scientist cow demigoddess.

Which was just… great…

Haaaaa… why couldn’t things ever be simple…?

Or, more accurately, I finally chased off my ADHD blues long enough to fix Subscribestar!

Thus, some changes have and will be taking place on it.  Namely new boons for those that subscribe.

At the moment, there's only one:  A rank subscribers get access to rough drafts.  These rough drafts might have spoilers, will certainly have spelling errors, and sometimes need some major edits before being polished for release.  They also don't have chapter titles yet, 'cause those come last.

They're uploaded the day they are completed, in all of their naked glory, and I don't intend to release them for public consumption.

So there's that!  Ideally more and more alpha chapters will be released as I build up a backlog, but we'll see if that's what actually happens or not.

Thanks everybody for sticking with me!