The prologue of problems

Indeed, the unexpected straw doll reinforcements arrived just in time.

<"So this is what they consider entertainment in this era...?">

Why do you ask?

Well, you see, I have to decide which school to enroll in.

And before you ask the typical: Is that all?

"Pierce through those aliens with the Light Turbo, Thunder Rider!" the television speaker blared with questionable sound effects.

I must remind you that I live in the world of a depressing erotic novel, and everyone knows that in those kinds of stories, school is the perfect setting for all sorts of nefarious events, especially in this omnibus-format world!

"...Hic... Cheers to unnecessary violence and twisted metal...!"

I heard Mom (possessed) exclaim beside me as she took a long swig from her beer can, acting exactly like a middle-aged man watching sports on a Sunday afternoon.

But setting that aside, I know you're probably wondering how I managed to convince Mom to let me freely choose which school to attend, and the answer is...

A MASSAGE!!

(Munch, munch, munch)

On my other side, Sara, the maid (doll), continued eating popcorn in a purely mechanical manner, maintaining a poker face as expressionless as ever.

However, putting that aside too!

My massage skills were already amazing (according to others), but after learning about the use of spiritual energy, I developed a new technique that I decided to call the "Forbidden Massage Art."

"Ah, that plot twist is so cliché~"

And with this new technique, not even Sara could offer any resistance.

"Hey, brat, stop stealing the sweets!"

That was how I obtained absolute authorization.

"Munch, munch... I don't know what you're talking about~!"

Now getting back to the topic, the simple answer would be to pick a quiet school to study in; however, due to this cursed narrative format, that in itself is completely impossible.

"Pffff... Forget it..."

For example, if I choose a school that flies under the radar, I could end up fighting for my survival against some evil cult or something even worse.

"(Munch, munch, munch)... Sara reports, we are out of popcorn."

Which leaves me only with the options of all-boys schools (completely ruled out) and a prestigious co-ed school!

<".....">

And between those two options, it's pretty obvious which one I'm going to pick.

Isn't it dangerous?

Yes!

Then why do it?

The answer is that, at the very least, an event like a zombie apocalypse or a hostage takeover is unlikely to happen in a place that attracts so much media attention.

"Nitro-Heroic Transformation! Charge, Sacred V8!" the masked hero shouted on the TV screen.

At most, only discrete events should occur that do not pose an immediate death threat.

"Curse you, masked hero!!" the villain shouted on the big TV screen.

And the best part of the plan is that there is a place that perfectly meets all those criteria!

"This is the power of our bonds!!!"

...Anyway, someone reincarnated in this world definitely plagiarized that famous franchise from Earth about smart cars choosing their masked riders to save the world without any shame.

"...."

But getting back to the topic, my choice is Carmilla Academy!

Why?

Well, because it is a place where rich and influential people go to study, offering courses from primary school all the way to university.

<"Hey...">

It's the perfect plan! What could possibly go wrong?

(Slap!)

However, at that moment, a slap brought me back to reality...

<"Do you mind telling me what on earth you're staring so blankly at with that ridiculous smirk?">

Echidna's voice echoed in my head, snapping me out of my ramblings just as the movie reached its explosion-filled climax.

"...Aah... I... Nothing important...!"

And so the night went on while I tried to quickly play it off with an innocent smile, averting my gaze to focus back on the screen before anyone suspected my plans.