Chapter 97: Butt of the joke

Rose had been quite happy with all the stuff her father had bought for the little DADA group. While it had been very disorganized at first, Hermione had taken the reins of it and made excellent plans. The room closest to the secret door was used for learning and discussing theory while the second room, the one in the back, was used for practicing spells. Odd years were gathered together on odd days and even years on even days. A seventh or sixth year was teaching each lower year in both. On Friday, sixth and seventh years had the whole room for themselves so they could study for their NEWTs in peace.

When Rose was asked why her father or aunt wasn’t present to teach, she answered they had lives outside their jobs and it was selfish to ask them for their free time when they weren’t even paid. Shameless even when they provided the room and all utilities and paid with their own money.

The group wasn’t secret by any means, plenty of people talked about it in the corridors. What was secret however was its location. It was in case Umbridge tried to put a stop to it and they were right to believe she would try. When the pink toad heard that students had made a study group for DADA, she was beside herself in anger. Her and Fudge’s plan to teach nothing to the students was derailed. In consequence they reacted stupidly.

Umbridge presented no less than four new Educational Decrees. The first one was the creation of a new post at school: High Inquisitor. A teacher appointed by the Ministry of Magic to ostensibly conduct unbiased performance reviews of the faculty and ensure obedience of Educational Decrees. Any teacher whose performance was deemed inadequate would be fired. Of course she was the one appointed.The second Educational Decree allowed the High Inquisitor to hire a teacher should the Headmaster be unable to find one within two weeks. The third forbade any student organization. Any student found belonging to one would be expelled. Finally the fourth was that the discipline of the student body would be handled by the High Inquisitor.

Rick did everything he could not to laugh when Umbridge came into his classroom to review him.

“Professor Umbridge, what are you doing here?”

“Why, reviewing you of course.” she replied with her fake smile.

“Except you do not have the authority to do so. Please leave.”

“I’m the High Inquisitor! By Educational Decree I have the authority to evaluate you.”

“Per the law of 1723 on masteries you do not. A Master or Mistress of their craft can only be evaluated by another Master or Mistress of said craft. Unless you have a mastery in Ancient Runes, you do not, in fact, have the authority let alone the competence to evaluate me. You could try and you will be arrested and prosecuted. The sentence is three years in Azkaban. You could also lie about having a mastery in Ancient Runes and you will be arrested and prosecuted too for falsification of qualifications. That’s thirteen years in Azkaban. Considering that your resume makes no mention of any masteries, I think it would be in your best interest to get out of my classroom.”

The pink toad’s face turned red then purple, her body shaking with rage. She turned around and stomped out of class, completely humiliated. Rick made the door hit her on her ass with his wand. Glancing at his fifth-years, he saw nothing but admiration in their eyes.

“A shame most of the professors have a mastery in the subject they teach.” he talked to himself as if no one was there. Hilarity from the students ensued. “Alright. Let’s get to work.”

Inwardly he thanked Andromeda for teaching him about that law. He knew Umbridge would have made waves by trying the proper and ‘legal’ way. Except the ‘legal’ way was bullshit Fudge and she came up with. The buffoon believed that since he was Minister For Magic he could do whatever he wanted. That was dead wrong. Rick’s plan to get rid of her was to let her abuse her authority which she didn’t possess and catch her red handed. He could have dealt with her now but he was pretty sure with just an infraction she would have gotten a slap on the wrist. He needed an accumulation of proof for his plan to pay off.

By the time afternoon came, most of the castle was aware of how he dealt with her. The only professors who could be affected were Hagrid who was teaching Care Of Magical Creature, Trelawney and Bella. Bella was safe however. There was no mastery in duelling, champions titles being used as credentials instead. With seven world titles, the toad couldn’t evaluate her either.

As if that wasn’t enough, Rick let that information slip to the prophet who sent a reporter to sniff around. They got plenty of testimonies from the students of how Umbridge was a subpar teacher. Unfortunately Fudge censured the article that put her and indirectly him down. It was fine. Rick wasn’t in a hurry to get rid of her.

Umbridge had tried to get expelled the students in the DADA study group but since it wasn’t an organization or a club and was supervised by prefects, there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t even insist because she would have to expel students going to the library for studying in groups too. Everyone was having a good laugh behind her back and Rick couldn’t wait for her to snap.

Despite all this, she did have some traction with her propaganda. A good portion of the students body believed he, Lily, Dumbledore and Rose were lying about Voldemort’s return. Mainly the younger years who didn’t know any of them and were still influenced by their parents. The older students, who knew what Rick was all about and his dislike of the Ministry and Fudge, either believed him or were undecided. A quick show of his memory of the graveyard where he found Rose after she disappeared in the third task of the Triwizard tournament, convinced some of them. Memories could be altered after all. Of course he didn’t hesitate to show the memory to classes with Death Eaters’ children. Even if the students didn’t believe Voldemort was back, what happened there and then was shady and dark enough to cast suspicion on the blood purist children.

As Winter Break grew closer, Marlene had set a meeting in her home during the week-end. She had invited Lily, Bella and Amelia for a very serious talk about her relationship with Rick. Being the blunt witch she was, she didn’t beat around the bush and went straight to the point.

“I’m marrying your husband and I’m probably carrying his child.”

The declaration stunned the three married witches for a moment. Out of all the things they expected to hear, it wasn’t one of them. They all had different reactions to the news.

“But… How? I mean… Aren’t you and Sirius…”

“We’ve been done and over since late January, Lily. It didn’t work out. We’re too different people now.”

“I think what Lily meant was: congratulations!” Bella said and grinned madly at the knowledge that her master had snared and bred another powerful witch. Her close friend at that and who was the head of Ancient and Noble House. The House of Black would be linked by marriage and blood to a total of three Great Houses. Something that never happened in the same generation and certainly not like this. All houses were linked to one man. Her master.

“Thank you, Bella. At least someone is happy for me.”

“I AM! Merlin, Marlene! How could you think I wouldn’t be happy about it?!” Lily stood up and went to hug the blonde. “It should have been like this from the beginning! I’m just surprised that the dream I had when we were in school and which I had given up on, would come true! I’m also confused about you and Sirius having ended things for good. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There were more important things going around. Rose in the tournament, Voldemort’s resurrection… My relationship with Sirius hardly mattered in comparison.”

“I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. The three of you not together had always felt wrong.” The amused but resolute sigh Amelia let out told a lot about what she thought about the news. “Still… Are you sure you’re pregnant? Rick wasn’t interested in more children. Ours is… Business more than anything.” she said with a slighter bitter tone.

“Oh, come off of it Amelia. It may have started that way but we both know he’s delighted to have a child with you. Now that the two of you finally declared your love for each other there is-”

““What?!”” Lily and Bella were taken by surprise again by Marlene’s words.

Amelia exchanged a glance with her host and sighed again. “I always loved him, Lily. And I don’t mean as a big sister. It started like that, true but over the years that love changed for a more romantic one. That’s why I ask him to help me break my betrothal contract. Unfortunately for me, he was already madly in love with you, so I took a step back. I hoped again after our night at slughorn’s party until he confessed that you were dating. I gave up on him then.”

“But… Why did you refuse to become Lady Black then?!”

“I was set on my path and I’m pretty stubborn. That’s all I have to say about it.”

“So now, you’re really husband and wife like Lily and I?”

“Yes, Bella.”

“Good.” was all the eldest Black sister said then turned to Marlene. “The question still stands about Master changing his mind about children. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and believe you didn’t baby trap him.”

Marlene being the head of an Ancient and Noble House, there was no way for Rick to make her a concubine. It was marriage or he simply didn’t recognize the child. Something that he would never do.

“I just told him I wanted his child. He tried to get out of it but I convinced him.” The smug grin on Marlene’s face prompted Bella to have one too.

“I bet it was while playing with his dick and playing on his breeding kink.”

“You also played on the fact he always wanted to knock you up.” added Lily. “I will always remember the sad look he had in his eyes when he saw you as big as a house. I’m sure he wanted Duncan to be his.”

“You’re both correct.”

“What about the wedding? Will there be a ceremony or will you just sign the contract?” inquired Amelia.

“A small ceremony with just us. Not even our friends or the children.” Marlene replied then changed the topic. She didn’t particularly want to talk about that. “What about the two of you? Is he still pissed with you?”

After two weeks of constant sexual abuse, Amelia and Lily had been forgiven. They always loved a very eager and bestial Rick but a Rick pissed at them too? That was a whole new world of roughness and pleasure. While sometimes they had to endure because he simply wouldn’t stop fucking them any way he could, they had mostly fond memories of it.

“We’re good.” The bright smile Lily gave everyone showed it was no lie. “He still refused to remove the piercings and the collar though.” she replied dejectedly

“He removed my collar because of my job but otherwise, same for the piercings. ‘A reminder’ he said.” The dry laugh Amelia punctuated her sentence with, told clearly how she felt about it.

“Oh, shut up! You’re gorgeous with them and you love when he plays with your nipples. It makes the sex way better and you know it!”

“That’s not the piercings the problem, Bella! It’s the enchantment you put on them, you maniac!” Amelia was tired of the constant electro stimulation happening every twenty minutes. Not because she didn’t like it but because it broke her focus during work hours.

“Well, they weren’t supposed to be worn all the time. Just for a few hours or a day to properly make me even hornier than usual.”

“Do the ones you have on have an enchantment too?” Lily was curious. She knew Bella probably did charm her own pair so that wasn’t what it was about. She wanted to know what the charm did.

“Yup. They vibrate and change size. One moment they are normal size, the next they’re shrinking to squeeze my nipples.”

“Is it that great? Having your nipples pierced?” Marlene wondered.

“Yes. Rick loves it for one and for two, he plays with my breasts even more.” replied Bella with pride.

““That’s true.””

“I can lend you some if you want.” Amelia and Lily both shook their heads quickly to dissuade Marlene while out of Bella’s sight. “They’re not piercings per see, just some kind of clamp you won’t really feel. There are no charms on it too, they’re just good old normal rings.

While Bella went on and on about how much a good thing piercings were, Rick was discussing with Albus in his office.

“How did Crouch save his son from Azkaban?”

That puzzled him. Dumbledore had just reported to him that Snape finally found out who had been impersonating Crouch during the year. It turned out that it was his son, Junior, who died a year into his life sentence. Officially. It also explained why despite the history between Rick and Crouch the latter had been cordial at the time. Junior had been acting under polyjuice as his father. Since senior was the one in charge of the goblet of fire it had been easy for him to put Rose’s name in it before Rick could put the security measures on it.

“His wife was terminally ill and asked to take her son’s place under polyjuice. They went to visit Junior and made the switch. She died as her son while Junior was put under the imperius for the next decade and more. Rookwood and Pettigrew found Voldemort but were caught by Bertha Jonkins, a witch working with Crouch senior and who helped plan the whole tournament. Voldemort used legilimency on her and noticed a memory lock. He broke it and found out that the lock had been created by Crouch Senior because she found out about Junior during an impromptu visit. The rest is history.”

“That’s… unlucky.”

“Quite.”

Rick pondered for a moment if it wouldn’t be simpler to get Voldemort’s location from Snape and obliterate the place. It took fifteen years for him to reform, maybe they could get another fifteen years now despite at least one horcrux being still at large. He dismissed the idea quickly, there was no way Voldemort would leave Snape able to tell or show his hideout to anyone.

“Any news on his horcruxes?”

“I made a copy of the muggle archives, unfortunately I haven’t yet got the time to go through them. Regulus didn’t contact me either regarding the soul shards so I believe he’s still searching for a way to do so.”

“Maybe I should-”

Rick was interrupted by a lioness patronus coming through the window.

“Dad! Umbridge is kicking Trelawney out of Hogwarts! You need to do something!”

Immediately both Albus and Rick stood up and left the office. The former had the map in hand and was searching for the names of Trelawney and Umbridge. He didn’t find them but the many names all blending together in the east wing’s entrance told him that it was where they needed to go. When they got outside it was as if the whole school was there in the small courtyard, circling Minerva who was holding protectively a crying Trelawney while a pink toad with a victorious grin confronted them.

Albus’ reaction was swift. He signaled Minerva to get Trelawney inside the castle and get her back to her quarters. When Umbridge protested, reminding him that the prophetess wasn’t a teacher anymore and couldn’t stay at Hogwarts, he reminded her that as the Headmaster he was free to welcome anyone as a guest for as long as he wanted.

Rick dispersed the students before Albus could. He rarely saw the man furious and never in public. It wouldn’t have been good for the students to see him like that, especially with the current political turmoil. Once alone in the courtyard both took a seat at the edge of the fountain.

“She’s not wrong, you know.” He started with. “Sybil is not fit to teach divination. She could learn but…” he sighed.

“Voldemort must not get a hand on her. She may not remember it but the memory is still there in her mind.” Albus too sighed.

“Oh, I know. That’s why I never said anything about her being here. Still, once he’s gone… We can’t give the students a subpar education. Sure, divination is an elective but that’s no reason. That’s not here and there, though. Now you need to find a teacher within two weeks.”

“... Could you?”

“Find a teacher? I don’-”

“No. I meant teaching. You have a mastery, no?”

Rick gave Albus a look. There was nothing but seriousness in his eyes. Again he sighed.

“I could replace any teacher on the staff, so yes I could replace Sybil for a while. I still have my classes to teach.”

“What about Miss Delacour? Couldn’t she teach up to fifth-year?”

“... In terms of knowledge? Definitely. In terms of pedagogy? I don’t know. Does she even want to in the first place? What about the sixth and seventh- year? I can’t be in two places at the same time. Unless you have a timer turner stashed somewhere.”

“Hmm… I may be able to get you one.” Stroking his beard, Albus began to think.

“Well, you better get it and fast because Monday is in three days and ancient runes are my priority. Way more useful than divination.”

“I’ll see to it.”

“Great. Now I only need to convince Fleur.”

Standing up, he left Albus on his own and went to her quarters. Knocking on his and Lily’s student’s door he was surprised to see her flushed and her clothes a bit disheveled.

“Professor?”

“For the last time, Fleur, I’m not your Professor anymore.” He was tired of her calling him like that.

“You are teaching me.” she defended.

“Anyway.” he changed the topic, knowing it would drag on if he didn’t. “There has been a development regarding the teaching staff. The toad fired the divination teacher and Dumbledore asked me to teach the class before another… thing like the toad, arrives at Hogwarts.” he explained and Fleur frowned.

“You want me to teach ancient runes in your stead?”

“Only until fifth-year. Sixth and Seventh year are still mine. It’s not a demand, you can say no.”

“Oh, no. I’m doing zis. Zat putain keeps calling me a ‘alf-breed. If I can put zat salope in ‘er place I would gladly do it.”

“Next time she made an allusion to your quarter veela status, remind her of that. Also remind her that both your parents are magical while her mother was a muggle.”

“You mean… Zat connasse is a ‘alf-blood?!” The shock on her face was quickly replaced by a vicious grin when Rick nodded. “I’m going to ‘ave so much fun putting ‘er in ‘er place.”

That tidbit of information was shared by Sirius when he had asked to find anything he could on Umbridge. The documents had been carefully buried very, very deep in the archives and even tempered with. Sirius spoke to Amelia about it and she ordered him to find as many things as he could on the toad for when it was time to put her down.