Chapter 68: Bella’s mistake, Lily’s feelings
Rick couldn’t understand what Lily and Bellatrix had just told him. The redhead looked dejected and done with life while the other looked like it was the greatest day of hers.
“I… don’t get it.”
“I’m pregnant! Again! What’s so difficult to get?!” Lily said in anger, raising her head to look at her husband.
“I meant… How? I used a contraceptive charm on myself just so you wouldn’t be again!”
“Then how do you explain this?!” she almost rubbed the pregnancy test results against his face. “Do you think I cheated on you?! Is that what you’re implying?!”
Rick blinked at how absurd her comment was. “You? Cheat on me? Fat chance of that happening.”
“I could -”
“Lily, are you really explaining to me how you could have? Do you realize how asinine it is when you didn’t do it in the first place?”
“I… Fair point.” she admitted after a pause.
“The only explanation is that the contraceptive spell failed. I’ve always been careful to reapply it every month so it’s not because I forgot. It doesn’t really matter anyway. What matters is what do you want to do with… Our baby. I mean…”
“I’m not aborting our baby!” The righteous fury in her eyes made him quickly explain himself.
“Lily it’s clear you’re not happy about having another and I don’t want you to resen-”
“I’m not unhappy at the prospect of having another child! I’m unhappy at the prospect of going through the pregnancy again! I've spent more time pregnant in the last four years than not! I’m tired of always being fat! I’m tired of always working my ass off to recover my line! I’m tired of feeling like I’m just a broodmare for you to pop out children when I’m only 22!”
“You’re not!” Rick’s protests were vehement.
“I know! But that’s how I feel! I’m tired of going nowhere in my professional life! I’m the brightest witch of my generation! I graduated with fourteen NEWTs! Fourteen! And all I have to show for my brilliance and hard work is a potion and a charm masteries! I’m not… I’m done with having children.” Lily finished her rant in a tired and defeated tone.
“Certainly not! Not until you give Master an heir!”
Both Lily and Rick turned their heads on the spot to look at Bellatrix who was scowling at the former viciously. A first since she got tamed.
“What are you talking about? Rose is my heir.” Rick questioned.
“She’s a girl!”
“Yeah, so?”
Bella’s insistence and vindication was suddenly replaced by confusion. She kept blinking, looking alternatively at Rick and Lily. “So she can’t be the heir. Because she’s not a boy.”
“... Bella, when I took the lordships, I decreeted that both House Black and House Potter’s line of succession were now following the primogeniture doctrine. The first born is the heir, regardless of the gender. If it’s a girl her partner will have to marry into our family.”
“... Oh.”
That simple sound and the mix of dumbfounded and guilty expression on her face told Lily and Rick everything they needed to know about how Lily got pregnant again.
“You undid the contraceptive charms!” the redhead accused hotly.
Rick was more exasperated than angry and in consequence his tone was way softer than his first wife. “Bella, really?”
“I thought…”
““We know what you thought.”” Bella recoiled as if she had been struck. ‘Stupid,’ Lily added.
“Now I understand why you absolutely wanted a boy.”
“I… I didn’t know! And I didn’t want the end of our Houses! Our fortune, heirlooms and name, sold and squandered with our daughters to undeserving peasants!”
“I would never sell our daughters, Bella! I’m the head of two Ancient and Noble Houses! I don’t need to enter them in a marriage contract for a start because I don’t need the power! I also refuse to treat them like you and your sisters were treated! I want better for them!” The harsh answer Rick gave his second wife made her flinch.
“And who gave you the right to interfere in my life like that?! You’re Lady Black! Not Lady Potter! You have no say in what I do or don’t!”
Bella grimaced. “I… fucked up royally, didn’t I?”
Neither Rick or Lily deigned giving an answer to that question. At the very least Bella seemed apologetic and remorseful.
“Bella… I want the truth. Would you have had another child if Lyra had been born a boy?”
“No. Maybe in a few years but no.”
Rick took a deep breath and before he could say anything Bellatrix quickly spoke again.
“I’m very happy with Lyra and Lea! I wouldn’t change having them for anything in the world! I was disappointed they were not boys but I do love them! Now that I know that I don’t need to have a boy… I’m… I’m done with babies. After this one. For a while.” Bella confessed.
“See this, Bella? This… Is why we talk to each other. To avoid a situation like that. Rick and I, we almost never have problems or fights of this magnitude because. We. Talk.” Lily put an emphasis on the last part. “Without filters and with total trust in each other. You’d do well to learn how to do that.”
“I will from now on.”
“Good. Now when the hell did you undo the charm?” Rick asked.
“Remember that last night in Japan? When the three of us went to that natural hot spring in the evening?”
“Vaguely.”
“I remember being very horny but most of it is blurry.” replied Lily.
“About that…”
That was all she said. Either because she didn’t want to confess about what she did or was trying to find the courage to say it.““What did you do?”” The tone was like the one a parent used for a child who did something they shouldn’t have but didn’t know what.
“I… The drinks I served everyone? High alcohol. You were so inebriated and distracted by eating each other’s face, that you never noticed me breaking the contraceptive charm, nor slipping you a purging potion, Lily, then slipping the both of you a lust and fertility potion.”
Rick pinched the bridge of his nose while Lily facepalmed with both hands and screamed in it.
“I can’t believe you drugged us!” exclaimed Lily.
“I did it for the continuation of-”
“Yeah, yeah we get it! Bella? This behavior? No more. Unless you want a very unhappy marriage. Or a marriage just in name only.”
Bella immediately agreed to that. “I swear I won’t do anything like that again!”
“Prove it. Make an unbreakable vow.”
“Lily!” Rick protested on the spot.
Bella was alright with that however and put her arm forward toward Lily for making the vow. She didn’t even hesitate for a second.
“That’s…”
“No, Lily. Just… No. A marriage is built on trust not-”
“Which she broke!”
“Because she had a good reason in her mind! Now she doesn’t have any anymore. Is that how you want our children to know about marriage? That an unbreakable vow is the solution?”
“...” Her husband's argument left her speechless.
“We’re a family. We’re working on our issues and we get back the trust we broke. It will take time, I have no delusions about that. But it’s the right thing to do, Lily. The only vows in a marriage that should exist are the ones we exchanged when we wed.”
“Fine! But she’s telling the rest of the family. Everything!”
“Fine by me. Bella, go write to everyone. Except your father.”
“I don’t consider him family. He’s no father of mine,” the eldest Black sister replied and stood up to start her task.
“And have a meeting with your sisters and mother. Maybe they’ll put some sense into you.” he shouted as his second wife left the living room. Turning to his first, he kneeled in front of her. “Hey.”
“...”
“I can retire and be a full time at home, dad. You’d be free to work full time on your masteries and find a job you like.”
“No. You like flying too much and besides you’re England’s Hero right now. I can’t deprive-”
“You’re my wife, of course you can. They don’t have a say about our life.” he replied, taking her hands in his gently.
“... No more after this one.” Lily whispered.
“No more. I promise. Heck, after Camelia and Sage I was good. Three daughters! That was three more than I ever allowed myself to dream of when I was a kid. Even just having Rose would have sent me over the moon.”
“She really would have, didn’t she?” She used one of her hands to cup his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Just spending the rest of my life with you is enough, Lily. Children or not. I’m-”
She interrupted him with a light but heartfelt kiss. “Thank you. For being a wonderful husband.”
“Wonderful? I think I’m the worst. I keep on getting injured in a stupid sport you hate.”
“But you always make it back to me. I trust you to make it back to me. That’s why I haven't cursed you to keep your feet on the ground for the rest of your life.” she joked softly.
“What do you want to do? Truly.”
Without hesitations, Lily spoke of her wants. “Research on potions. Working on creating new spells. Teaching.”
“Charms?”
“Or Potions or Arithmancy.”
“Alright. Let’s visit Albus and see if there is a position opening at Hogwarts or if he knows someone needing a tutor in those subjects. How does that sound?”
“Lovely.” His suggestions at immediately answering her wants made her feel how loved she was. “Great even.”
“Then let’s go.” he said, standing up and pulling her to her feet.
Her eyes widened in surprise. “R-right now?”
“There is no time like the present.” The confident smirk on his face made her blush.
He led her to the fireplace and they took the floo for the Three Broomsticks. They greeted Rosmerta, Rick giving her a loving kiss on the cheek and exited the inn. They left Hogsmeade on foot and went to Hogwarts while enjoying the scenery around them in silence.
Lily sent a patronus to announce their arrival and greeted Hagrid when they arrived at the castle’s gates. Without any ceremony or detour, they went straight to Dumbledore’s office. Just when the gargoyle blocking the stairs let them through they ended face to face with Severous Snape. It was the first time the couple encountered the man since their graduation four years prior. Lily had started a correspondence with her former friend the previous year after the birth of the twins and following Dumbledore’s advice. Rick had not been privy of what they were talking about and didn’t try to change that. He respected Lily’s privacy.
“Severus.”
“Lily. Wald.” The former Death Eater greeted them back and Rick nodded in acknowledgement.
“Still some problem with the name Potter?” Lily asked, a bit amused.
“It’s… a work in progress.”
Rick shared a glance with his wife and understood she wanted to have a private talk with Severus. After telling her to have fun, he went up the stairs alone to talk with Dumbledore. Lily was the first one to speak.
“Want to talk?”
“I would love to.”
They went down two floors and entered an empty classroom, where they each took a seat. Severus called for a Hogwarts’ house elf and asked for tea and biscuits.
“How has it been? Your first year as a teacher, I mean?”
“Dreadful. Most of them are dunderheads.”
“I know you, Severus. You hold potion brewing close to your heart and as such are very exigent and intransigent regarding it. Are you sure that most of them are dunderheads?” she asked with a knowing look.
She caught him and he knew him. He could do nothing but let out a sigh.
“You can’t expect everyone to have the same talent and passion as you do. Some won’t ever be potion masters but need their OWLs and NEWTs for some jobs. Auror, healers…”
“I cannot, no.” he finally replied and sipped his tea. “I suppose I could be more… descriptive and explicative in my lessons. I will not be less demanding however.”
“I think you’re right about that.” She nodded in support. “Coddling and holding hands in the first couple years are one thing. Lowering the level so they can keep up is another. It would be a disservice in the long term.”
“How was your summer?” He changed the subject, more interested in talking about her.
Lily sounded apologetic. “I never wrote, sorry. Between Bella’s pregnancy, the Quidditch World Cup and Rick convalescence… I just returned last week.”
“It’s quite alright. I do not expect writing to me is on the top of your list of things to do. Not with young children around probably taking the most of your time. That includes Bellatrix.”
“She’s not-... Actually yes, she’s that bad.” she corrected herself with a frown and one of Severus’ eyebrows rose in curiosity. He didn’t ask however.
“Japan was beautiful. I learned a lot there. If you have the opportunity, you should go. Since the flora and fauna are different, they came up with different potions with the same effects as some in Europe. Amazing, really.”
“Hm… perhaps one day.”
“I bought books. I can lend them to you once I’m done with them. They’re in japanese of course but well illustrated. I wish our potions book were that well done.”
“I would love to have a look at them, thank you.”
“...”
“...”
“How are you doing, Sev?” For the first time since the end of fifth-year she used the affectionate nickname she used to call him. He didn’t miss the worry in her voice.
“I… followed your advice. Some things are progressing fast. Some not so much.”
“Did Sirius and Remus…”
“They came in person to offer me their apology. Black seemed almost genuine or he really was. I couldn’t quite tell. He was remorseful for what happened in fifth-year. Was it because of Lupin or because he matured enough to realize how bad his ‘prank’ was? I don’t know. Frankly I don’t care. I do know that… I wanted to curse him from Monday to Sunday and not to Hell and back which, I think, is progress.”
“It is.”
Lily didn’t ask about James. She knew he would never apologize for the seven years of hell he rained on Severus even though Severus was quite as vicious when fighting back. At least the James she knew. From what Remus and Sirius told him, he matured a lot with the birth of his son and his marriage to Lara.
“I heard from Fillius that you were almost done with your mastery?”
“I am, yes. A couple months more. Then, I’d present my mastery in arithmancy right after.”
“Do you intend to go for fourteen of them?” he japed with a smile at the corner of his lips.
“No.” Lily snorted. “For starters it would be only thirteen because arithmancy and advanced arithmancy are the same subject. I also don’t have the inclination. Three is enough. Maybe four with runes and if Minerva keeps insisting on it: transfiguration. Otherwise I’m good. I don’t need more of them. Perhaps I will change my mind one day but for now it’s enough.”
“What are you going to do with them?”
“I was either thinking of research in any of those fields or teaching or both.”
“Teaching? Is that why you’re in Hogwarts today?”
“Yes. We were hoping to talk with Dumbledore. See if there was an open post or if he knew people in need of a private tutor.”
“Dumbledore?” Severus looked and sounded incredulous. “You could pass an announcement in the Prophet and you’d receive hundreds of propositions. You’re the Woman-Who-Won.”
Lily waved the idea with her hand. “Most of them would be just to meet with me with the expectation of making the clients or their children the next Merlin. Or just becoming acquainted. I want to go forward in life because of my hard work, not because I blew up Voldemort’s head with a shotgun.”
Severus’ eyebrows slightly rose. To anyone knowing him it was a sign of utter shock. “A shotgun? I thought-”
“Go and explain what a shotgun is to a magical. I dare you,” she said as a challenge before laughing. “Moody called them ‘gums’. He didn’t quite believe it until I showed him the memory. It would have been a bigger scandal than a muggle-born killing him so we went with the exploding hex story.”
“Clever.”
“Thank you.”
“I’d like to help you with your job hunt, unfortunately… I don’t know many people and those I know… Let’s say I wish I didn’t. Except Narcissa, maybe.”
“It’s alright. Not like I would be able to teach for long anyway.”
“How so?”
“Bella.” the curiosity on his face and the worry was obvious. “She… thought that house Potter and House Black both needed a male heir, not knowing that Rick changed the family laws to primogeniture.”
“She… you’re pregnant again?!” Severus exclaimed quickly, understanding what Lily was not saying outright.
“Yes.”
“Congratulations but… You don’t seem very happy about it.”
“I’m happy for the life growing inside my womb, Sev. I’m just not happy about going through pregnancy a third time in four years. It’s… quite difficult and takes a toll on the body. I’m also limited in what I can do. Rick and I… we were done after the twins. I thought I could finally start my adult life, you know? No war to fight in, no heir to give birth to, no family to make. Just finally living my life a bit selfishly. A bit for myself. Rick helps as much as he can but the whole country would riot if he retired right now. He doesn’t care but I can’t take him from the people.”
“You are his wife. You should come first.” Was perhaps a bit too harsh of a reply she got from her childhood friend.
“That’s more or less what he said. But really… I’m just venting to you. I’m sorry. My life is good. I’m happy, sure not at all levels but who can say they have a perfect life?”
“Not many, I’m sure.”
Lily finished her tea and the conversation. She thanked Severus for his time and gave him a few parting words.
“It’s a beautiful day outside, Sev. Do me a favor and enjoy it. There is nothing as soothing as closing your eyes and enjoying the nature around yourself. I think it may do you some good.”
“I… will. I promise.” he replied after a moment of hesitation.
“Thank you. You’ve been in the darkness so long, it would be a shame you don’t enjoy the light you worked so hard for.”
With one last smile she left the classroom and went back to the Headmaster’s office. Once again, when the gargoyle revealed the stairs, she was faced with someone. This time it was Rick.
“You’re already done?”
“Yes. There are no posts available at Hogwarts at the moment for the classes you’re interested in but if there's an opening you’re the first person he’ll contact to fill in. He also recommended sending an owl to Arthur and Molly Weasley for tutoring. They’re not-”
“Swimming in gold, I know. It’s fine. I’m more interested in getting some experience in teaching than gold that we have plenty of. I’m sure we’ll agree on something.”
“How was your talk?”
“Great. He’s… turning his life around. Trying at least. I’m happy for him.”
Before they left for home they exchanged a few words with Minerva and Fillius. Only because they had classes to teach and had no time for a longer conversation. Once back at the manor, the first thing Lily did was write a letter to the Weasley while Rick was thinking of a punishment for Bella’s actions. One she would not like for once.