Chapter 41: Holidays at Potter Manor

On the morning of December 25th Rick didn’t wake up alone in his bed. That was expected. Amelia had come for dinner the previous day and she stayed in a “ guest room ” for the night. Truth was she hadn’t set a single toe in the room Dorea had given her and instead had spent the night in Rick’s bed getting reacquainted. Once again he praised himself and Lily for the soundproof charm they had created because Amelia had sure been vocal about how much she had missed Rick. Or maybe his dick. Her voice had been so high pitched and slurred that he wasn’t sure if it was his name or the word she was praising and declaring her love for.

What wasn’t expected was that the one in bed with him was a totally different girl. And she was bouncing a whole lot to get him to wake up because it was christmas and Santa had brought presents.

“I’m up, I’m up, Nymie. You can stop jumping.” The groan he gave was for being deprived of a full eight hours of sleep. One could expect to be able to sleep in late on Christmas day and that would be true if a child wasn’t in the room.

“Then hurry up!” she kept jumping to get to move faster.

Pulling his wand from under his pillow, he aimed at the little hellion and used Levicorpus on her. Instantly she was hanging by her ankle up in the air.

“Cool!”

Thinking that hanging leg up head down above the floor was not cool at all, Rick summoned some underwear and a T-shirt from his closet. Dressing under the sheet - he wasn’t about to flash a three year old - he then got out of bed and caught Nymphadora in his arms. He put her on his shoulders and immediately she relegated him to a mount.

“Come on! Downstairs!”

Hitting his chest with her heels as if he was a horse she directed him outside the room. In no time they arrived in the living room where Charlus had transfigured a christmas tree in the corner of the room. Under it were plenty of presents wrapped in all colors. His parents were already here and so were Ted and Andromeda. His mother and cousin had a nasty satisfied smirk on their lips and Rick just knew they had been the ones to send the latter’s daughter to wake him up. The only response he had for them at the present time was a glare. It promised payback in spade.

He put Nymphadora down on her feet and the little one darted towards the tree. Her father caught her as she passed near him and told him to be patient because some of the presents were for others and that it wouldn’t do if she opened one by mistake.

Rick heard someone get down the stairs and knew it was Amelia. Since everyone else was already in the room it could only be her. When he saw her already all dressed up he frowned. She didn’t miss it and pre-empted his question.

“It’s a family moment. I shouldn’t impose.”

“You are family.”

“To you. I also have my own to spend today with.”

“It was good to see you again.” he whispered as he leaned towards her.

“You too. And I really needed to unwind.”

“Honestly, Amy. I can get out of Hogwarts without being seen whenever I want. I can even skip classes because teachers think that I’m attending another. They’re not even checking.”

“I’ll remember it.”

She kissed his cheek, and walked into the living room. She thanked Charlus and Dorea for their hospitality and said goodbye to everyone before taking the floo to only she knew where.

Nymphadora was now sitting on the floor in front of the tree with Charlus handing presents. Most of them were for her. That gave Dorea an opportunity to get closer to her son and wished him a merry christmas. Her tone wasn’t cheerful however and Rick diverted his eyes from the metamorphmagus squealing at the sight of a doll under the wrapping paper, to look at his mother.

“You sound so disappointed. I’m sure it’s not Amelia leaving.”

“No, I’m rather happy she did after what you and her did last night.” she had a meaningful gleam in her eyes and her tone left no doubt she was aware of what had transpired during the night in his bedroom.

“First off. It’s my business, not yours. Second, I’m putting a stop to those silly ideas you probably have in your head: Lily is aware.”

“I doubt that.” she scoffed.

“Doubt all you want, it doesn’t matter. The truth is the truth. Lily pushed me towards Amelia. You can ask her when she arrives with Marlene tomorrow. Even she, is in the know.”

Dorea gave her son a look and searched into his eyes for any deception. She didn’t find any and dropped the matter for now but would ask Lily. Of that she was certain. She hoped it was true because she really wanted the redhead as a daughter-in-law.

“Now I suggest you drop the matter or I’ll have to switch your present for some coal.”

“Coal? Why coal?”

“Good children get presents, bad children get coal or so the story goes.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Corvus.” she scowled.

“Sometimes I wonder. Especially after the howler you sent to uncle.”

“... Touché.”

Rick had offered Nymphadora a toy broom. Of course he had checked with her parents if it was alright first. For his father he went to a music shop and asked for a sound with lots of guitar and a slow tempo. The seller had pulled out a vinyl of a band named Pink Floyd. After a few minutes of listening, Rick was charmed and knew his father would be too. He took the album and the two previous ones, trusting the man about them being a sound out of this world.

For Ted he got a huge roll of bubble wrap. It was enchanted, of course, so the bubbles would repair themselves on their own. He believed that with the pressure he had to fend for his family and dealing with a very excited child he was in dire need of it. It could also be used to wrap his daughter in it to stick her in one place or make sure she wouldn’t hurt herself. The amused grin on the man’s face told Rick all he needed to know.

For Andromeda, he got her two things. One was a harness and a leash to always keep her daughter around. That was a joke gift. The real gift was a nice pair of earrings. A simple silver pentagram inside a circle. It was accompanied by the note with the words: ‘Once a black witch, always a black witch.’

The most difficult to find a gift for had been his mother. In his opinion she already had everything she ever needed or wanted. He wanted for his gift to be personal and meaningful, something only he could give her. He spent days searching when he got it. Seeing her, reading the coupons she had in hand, he pulled out his wand and conjured a ribbon and a bow onto himself. When she raised her head from the coupons she looked at him confused. A smile drew on her face when she noticed the addition to his clothes and came to give him a gift.

“ ‘Blank coupon for mother-son time’ ? Is that really what I think it is?”

“And what do you think it is?”

“The opportunity to ask you whatever I want to do together.”

“That’s it.” he nodded.

“No limits? No restrictions?”

“None. Be warned though, consequences would still happen so take your time to really think about what you’re going to use it for.”

“I’m going to have so much fun.” The mischievous smile she gave him didn’t worry one bit. Not at all.

“Well, yeah. That’s the point.”

At the same time as Nymphadora barrelled on her toy broom right between them while giggling like a maniac, some people were getting some surprises at Hogwarts. Mostly the professors who had stayed at the castle.

At the teachers table Albus Dumbledore, Horace Slughorn, Filius Flitwick and Minerva Mcgonagall were having a nice breakfast. One of them though was a bit annoyed however.

“Is something wrong, Minerva?” Asked Horace.

“No, Not at all.”

“She’s depressed because her favorite lion didn’t send her anything this year.” snickered Filius, making her roll her eyes. She had to force herself for it because he was right.

“Ah! I was wondering what was missing! You don’t have any mice pops.”

“Come now, Albus. Minerva doesn’t have your sweet tooth.” chidded Horace.

“True, true.”

“It’s the snitch. She didn’t get her golden snitch this year.” Filius remarked. “It must be strange to not receive one for Christmas after four consecutive years.”

“I admit, I got used to those.” she sighed. Once again she cursed her friend's perceptiveness.

“And it’s not Mister Potter that will pick up the slack. That is if he catches any. His performance against my eagles had been a bit lackluster.”

“We won.” She defended the Gryffindor team despite their awful display.

“Because Mister Black took down Miss Brookshade, not because of Potter.”

“Mister Potter is a talented flyer who is just inexperienced as a seeker but trains hard to meet the expectations that-”

“Dragon dung, Minerva. Not even you believe it.”

Uncharastically for her, Minerva facepalmed.

“I had it! Five consecutive wins! Five! With the best seeker and flyer in the whole school! And Potter kicked him out of the team to take his place! Wald could have chosen to be a chaser instead but noooo! Not interesting enough! Too restrictive of his flying!” The muffled scream she let out in her hands made everyone at the table chuckle. Dumbledore in a comforting gesture patted her back.

*CAW*

The loud sound of a crow echoed into the Great Hall and everyone looked up. Morrigan, who was now known to most of them, was carrying a small wooden box. Flying over the teacher a bit. She landed in front of Dumbledore and released her package before going to Filius and stealing some bacon from his plate. Curious, Dumbledore pulled out his wand and made some room on the table in front of him.  Putting the box on the now free space he tapped it with his wand and the box expanded.

“Hm. I wonder what Mister Wald had come up with?”

“Open it and you’ll know.”

Agreeing with Horace that sometimes acting was better than thinking, Albus opened the box lid. Inside were several packages with a small note attached to each of them.

“It seems Mister Wald sent a group package.” Picking one he read the note. “ This one's for you, Horace.”

“Oh?!” surprised as he was, the potion Professors wasn’t shocked enough to lose his bearing and he simply took the package.

“This one's for you, Filius and this one for you, Minerva.”

Dumbledore handed what he believed was some clothes to Filius and a shoebox size box to Minerva. His own gift was a few muggle books on chemistry, each with a very interesting name.

“Biochemistry, Organic chemistry, Inorganic chemistry, analytical, nuclear, quantum. Lots of chemistry. I can’t wait to read them all." He was more thinking aloud than talking to someone. As he picked the book one by one he found under them lots and lots of muggle sweets.

On top of them was a small card with a drawing. A hidden face with an index on the person’s lips, indicating to stay silent. A bubble next to the head said ‘It’s totally not a bribery. No need to involve Professor Kitty’. Albus found the humour amusing and chuckled good heartedly. He turned his head right and left to see what his colleagues had received.

“Everyone wants to share?”

“I got a beautiful cloak in Ravenclaw’s color.”

Filius was quite happy with it and put it around his shoulders. It was then that something unexpected happened. Filius started to float in the air.

“Oh! Marvelous! I wonder if I can-” he leaned to the right and his body moved to the right. “I can!” He tried to lean slightly in another direction and the cloak moved his body in said direction. “Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!”

“That is quite the gift indeed.” Albus commented, clearly impressed.

“I will have fun trying to find out how he did this.”

“For my part my gift may not be as impressive but it sure tastes good. Chocolate with liqueurs inside. They’re quite delicious.” the voice of Horace echoed from everyone’s left. He was quite happy with what he got.

“Minerva?”

“What did he get you?”

Minerva was looking at a glass case. It was identical to the one she had on her desk. Even a golden snitch was inside. The two differences with this one? The snitch was bloodied and the epitaph not the same.

“ ‘The most Gryffindor looking snitch in the world only appears for the most

“Gryffindor Forward” moments in quidditch.’ ” Albus read aloud.

“Is that what I think it is?”

“If you mean the snitch from the game against Hufflepuff last year, Horace… Then I believe it is.” Minerva answered, her eyes still riveted on the golden and bloodied ball.

Gold and Red. The colors of Gryffindor. She vividly remembered the scene. The snitch falling to the ground and rolling to a stop. How she clutched on it, praying for her favorite lion to make it out alive of the most beautiful and dangerous catch she had ever seen. She still couldn’t believe Rick had been able to avoid crashing onto the ground from his fall. The way he had redressed the broom had been unseen before. Had it not been for the broom breaking, the victory lap would have been grandiose.

“I wonder where you will put this one?”

“On my desk, Albus. Of course.” She replied nonchalantly as if it was obvious and put in her mouth one of the mice pops she had also received.

Minerva McGonagall was having the best Christmas yet.

She wasn’t the only one. In a modest house in the town of Cokeworth, Lily Evans was looking down at her hands. A beautiful piece of cloth made of lace with a roaring golden lion with emerald eyes in the front. She let her thumb brush against the fabric and loved the feel of it. It was silk. ‘Acromantula silk’ she thought. She looked at it for a moment more then put her gift where it was intended to be worn at. Her neck. Its width was equivalent to her thumb’s length and covered at least half of her neck. Looking at herself in the mirror she thought she was beautiful with it.

“Lily! Are you coming down, we're ready to-.”

Rose Evans had entered her youngest daughter's room to fetch her. It was Christmas and it was late enough in the morning for everyone to be up which was when the presents were opened. She stopped when she saw Lily in front of the mirror silently looking in wonder at the piece of cloth around her neck. Silently getting behind her daughter she looked at the choker in her reflection.

“It’s quite beautiful, Lily.”

“It is, isn’t it?” with a hand she reached for her neck to touch the choker once again.

“From Rick, I suppose?” Lily nodded eagerly, smiling at the mention of her boyfriend.

“He has good taste then again, he’s dating my daughter.” Rose joked. “Still, I was expecting some jewelry with the way he looks at you.” That was a bit of a disappointment to the woman, especially when her daughter’s boyfriend was well off.

“Oh, mom. It’s even better. It’s acromantula silk. Really, really expensive. Thousands of pounds expensive. More than that, he weaved runes with the threads. To keep my neck warm or cold at all times depending on the temperature. It’s… even the best in the market don’t do that because they don't know how and even if they did, it would take hours if not days to make. I’m pretty sure he did it himself.”

“Days, you say?” Once again Lily nodded, her eyes still on the choker in the mirror.

“I stand corrected then. I’m pleased to see he’s dedicated to you.”

“You have no idea, mom.” She remembered Rick telling his mother that if she sent her away then he would follow her. “No idea.”

“That's a tall order to beat.”

“Mom, I’d give him a kiss as a gift and he would think it’s the best present he ever got. He loves me that much.”

“Be mindful Lily. Love needs to be answered and not be taken advantage of.” Rose warned. It wouldn’t end well if her daughter never reciprocates Rick’s gestures.

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

“What did you get him?”

For the first time since her mother entered her room, Lily turned her head to look at her. She had a knowing smile on her lips.

“Something that I won’t give to anyone else.”

The answer made one of Rose’s eyebrows rise in confusion.

“You’re still a virgin? I thought by now that-”

“Oh, no. We’ve been having sex for more than a year now. So I’m no virgin anymore. Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“I still have one left to give for a few days more.”

It took a moment for Rose to understand what her daughter meant.

“Lily!” The older redhead’s shock was obvious in her tone and Lily giggled.

“You told me to not give you grandchildren too soon. It’s perfect!”

“That’s not— There is a difference with— You’re messing with me!”

“Let’s go downstairs, mom. Dad had waited long enough.” She couldn’t hide the playfulness in her eyes.

Taking her mother by the arm, they walked side by side in the direction of the living room.

A couple days later Lily arrived at Potter Manor thanks to the floo at the Leaky Cauldron. She had to take the bus from her hometown then train to London for that which explained why she was slightly late. Late enough to arrive after Marlene who had been wrapped around Nymphadora’s little finger. The metamorphmagus was listening to stories about Marlene’s duels, fascinated.

“Lily! So good to see you.”

She was welcomed by Charlus who gave her a heartfelt hug.

“You too, sir.” smiled as she hugged him back. “I see Nymphadora’s cuteness made another victim?”

“That she did. She took one look at Marlene and her hair changed color to match hers. Marlene was lost on the spot.” he grinned and she chuckled. “Rick is with his mother in his bedroom. Final preparations for the… guests.”

“Guests? Anyone I know?”

“Fortunately, no.” he shook his head negatively. “It’s Dorea’s brother, Acturus and his wife, Melania. Now Melania is a very kind and sweet woman, too good for the bloke in my opinion, so she’s more than alright. Acturus on the other hand is…”

“The Lord of the Ancient and Noble House of Black.” The tone she used told Charlus she had a good idea about the man.

“He doesn’t hate muggle-born or muggles though. That’s a bit of a misconception. However he was raised a certain way and his… vocabulary could be…”

“Discriminating? Insulting? Hurtful?”

“Yes. That, all of that. He doesn’t mean anything by it though.”

“That’s not good enough but I’m sure he will make an effort. Especially with Andromeda, Rick and your wife in the room.”

Charlus didn’t comment on it but he agreed with her. Both shared a knowing and amused smile.

“Anyway, Andromeda and Ted are out for a bit. Last minute shopping for food. So make yourself at home.”

Lily thanked Charlus and pondered what to do. Marlene was chasing around Nymphadora who was on her toy broom and she was sure she didn’t want to get in the middle of that. With not much of a choice left and because she absolutely craved her boyfriend’s touch she went up the stairs and entered his bedroom. Dorea was combing his hair, making sure it was well groomed. She knew Rick didn’t like it. At least during the holidays. At school it was a whole other thing. It was a serious setting and so he believed he couldn’t let his hair down. Over the years, she and Marlene took turns taming the mess of hair down at lunch time.

“I swear the Potter hair is nothing but a menace.”

“Uh-huh. Said the woman who married a man with worse hair than mine.”

“Shush, you. Honestly, blessed be Fleamont for his Sleek-eazy.”

“Hello~”

Mother and son turned their heads to see Lily at the bedroom’s entrance. Rick’s smile nearly split his face in half.

“My son slept with Amelia on Christmas eve!”

Rick facepalmed and groaned while Lily was taken aback. She wasn’t expecting that for a greeting.

“I’m sorry, Lily.”

“That’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. Cheating is just not done. Though I’d ask you to give my son another chance.”

“No need. I gave them permission to be together sometimes.”

“...” Dorea’s jaw hit the ground.

“Told you.”

His mother looked at him with a severe scowl who accentuated even further when she noticed the smugness on his face.

“I… Why?”

“That’s… I’d rather not say. But Rick is not forcing me, I assure you.”

The lady of House Potter let her eyes switch repeatedly from her son to what she was noon considering her soon-to-be daughter in law. Not understanding at all, she let it go. And went back to tame her son’s hair. It took only a few seconds, having already done most of the work.

“There. My, you look handsome like that.”

“I disagree, he looks handsome no matter the occasion. But then I love him so I’m biased.”

“True enough.”

They all went back downstairs. Dorea first followed by the couple who briefly kissed and walked hand in hand. They entered the living room and saw Marlene and Charlus speaking with each other.

“Dad was part of the duelling club when he was at Hogwarts. He was really good from what mom said. Despite the two years difference with Uncle Acturus they were evenly matched.” Rick whispered into Lily’s ear.

“No wonder both look so excited to talk with each other.”

“Yeah. Dad doesn’t really have anyone to talk too about duelling. That is if you don’t count Nymie.”

The voice of a feminine voice coming through the floo caught everyone’s attention. Dorea seemed to recognize it and hastily went to the fireplace to open the access. A few seconds later and a tall woman landed gracefully on the Manor’s floor. She was tall and slim. She had bright blond hair, almost white, and bright blue eyes. Her jaw was angular and her cheekbones sharp. She reminded Rick of his mom and Andromeda a bit but where both of them had soft features, the woman’s were harsher. He knew on the spot that she was his haunt.

“Cassie!”

Dorea took the woman in a fierce hug. The grunt Cassiopeia let out and the small pats on her back made Rick think she wasn’t much of a hugging person.

“Yes, yes. I’m happy to see you too, Dorea. Now where is my nephew?”

“Is that all you have to say after more than thirty years?”

“I came to take a look at the future of our blood. Merlin knows Acturus’ boys turned out to be a disappointment and let’s not talk about his get." The emphasis wasn’t missed by Rick who understood she must be talking about her older brother Pollux.

“I’ll have you know, not all of Acturus’ descendants are. One doesn’t care about blood purity and broke out of the mold.”

“Is that so?” there was a genuine interest in Cassiopeia’s voice.

“Yes. Eloped with a muggle-born, got disowned.”

“Of course she was.” The roll of her eyes made Rick more certain that his Aunt didn’t like his uncle much. At least she had nothing against muggle-borns.

“Joke’s on him, she gave birth to a metamorphmagus.”

Cassiopeia froze on the spot looking at her little sister. She thought for a moment that Dorea was having a laugh at her expense but the vindictive grin she had was something she was very familiar with. Dorea wasn’t joking.

“A real, full fledged…”

“Yes. She’s three and… playing in the garden.”

“Lead me.”

“Later. First, my son. Second Arcturus and Melania are coming too. He made peace with his granddaughter and is patching things up. Secretly of course.”

“Of course.” The distaste in her voice was unmistakable. “Now, where is your boy?”

Dorea turned halfway and looked at Rick who was observing them. Cassiopeia walked forward and entered his personal space. She gripped his chin with her hand and moved his head around to have a better look.

“He’s almost all Potter but the black blood is showing. Very subtly however. Except the eyes. They’re yours.”

“Physically he takes after Charlus the most but personality wise? He’s all me.”

“All you?”

“All me.” Dorea confirmed.

“Then perhaps not all is lost.”

“Or perhaps it is. Purely out spite if you don’t let go of me.” contradicted Rick.

“Oh? And what if I don’t, boy? Hm? What are you going to do?”

Rick simply did nothing.

“Making sure all is lost. Whatever ‘all’ is. Either way I win.”

Cassiopeia stared at him in silence for a long, weighty moment—her gaze sharp, calculating. What she saw wasn’t defiance or pride. She saw the absence of something. A void. Cold, dark, and familiar. Too familiar. It was the kind of emptiness that stared back when you dared to look too long—an abyss honed by pain, shaped by choice, and dangerous to provoke. And she wanted no part of being the next object in its sights.

With a quiet breath she refused to let become a sigh—it was undignified, after all—she shifted her focus to her younger sister. There, in contrast, she found a glimmer of amusement—soft, knowing, and just a touch smug. Typical. She chose not to comment on it. Instead, with the poise of a woman long-trained in etiquette and appearances, Cassiopeia calmly let her hand fall away and introduced herself with all the grace expected of a pureblood Lady of an Ancient and Noble House.

“Cassiopeia Mila Black. Nice to meet you, nephew.”

“Corvus Matthew Potter and nice to meet you too. This is Lily Jean Evans, my girlfriend.”

Cassie looked at Lily and gave her nod. “What beautiful green eyes.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”Feeling her nephew’s gaze on her, she went back to exchange words with him.

“What is it?”

“I’m just wondering why you joined Grindelwald and why you left his side.”

“...You’re quite the straight forward lad.”

“I’m a Gryffindor.”

“Well… Nobody’s perfect.”

“Her name is not ‘Nobody’, it’s Lily.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

Both Dorea and Lily snorted at how bad that line was.“Merlin, that was so cheesy I think I’m going to be sick.” Cassiopeia said in a flat tone.

“Why not wait for Uncle to join us to let yourself go? I’m sure he has very expensive shoes that need to be dirtied.”

“... You’re officially my favorite nephew.”

“Not that difficult from what I heard about my cousins.”

“Indeed not. Now could someone-”

She stopped herself when she heard a familiar male voice from the fireplace, asking for permission to floo in. Rick moved next to his mother and waited for the arrival of Arcturus Black. He imagined the man to be tall with a refined appearance. Well groomed, slick hair and clothes that screamed ‘I’m richer’ than you. The same facial features than the other Blacks he had met.

“Arcturus!”

Less enthusiastic than when her sister arrived, Dorea went to greet her brother the same way. She immediately introduced him to Rick. Just like Cassiopeia Arcturus took his measure with a glance.

“So, you’re my missing nephew.”

“And you’re my uncle.”

“You’re not what I imagined.”

“You’re totally what I imagined. Minus the quaking in your boots.”

Arcturus’ eyes narrowed and was about to give a sharp retort when Rick spoke again.

“Now if you don’t mind moving, I’d like to meet my Aunt. I heard she was a sweet woman.”

“Impertinent just like-”

Arcturus was pushed to the side by his wife to finally meet the nephew she had wanted to meet since 1960. Unfortunately his new position allowed him to see his elder sister further into the room.

“Merlin’s balls, you’re here?!”

“Love you too, little brother.” she replied with a grin but her eyes were hard.

“Now Arcturus, it’s a day about family and reunion, please be nice.”

“I’ll be nice if-”

Rick tuned the man out and looked at his Aunt.

“Hello, I’m Corvus or Rick, whichever you prefer. Nice to meet you.”

Melania Black (née McMillan) was a short woman. She barely reached Rick’s chest. She wasn’t a small thing however. No, she looked a bit round. Not fat but chubby. She had blond hair even darker than his own and brown eyes. She looked tired and sickly but she had a soft smile on her lips telling him that it was somehow okay.

“I’m Melania. Nice to meet you too.” She reached his cheeks with her small hands and gentler than Cassiopiea did, had a good look at his face. “Yes, I can see the Black in you.”

“So I’ve been told. I don’t spend enough time in front of the mirror to look at myself properly.”

“That’s quite alright. I’m sorry about Arcturus, he can be a bit-”

“ARGH!”

Both of them turned their heads just in time to witness a sight equal parts absurd and agonizing: the esteemed Lord of the Ancient and Noble House of Black was on his knees, folded over the plush carpet in a position that could only be described as tragic. His forehead nearly touched the floor, his hands clutched protectively over his groin, and his entire body was frozen in a rigid spasm of pain and disbelief. Lying innocently nearby was a small toy broom—its bristles slightly askew from impact—and a very dazed-looking Nymphadora, rubbing her forehead as if trying to understand why flying had suddenly gone so wrong.

A quick scan of the room confirmed the silent, universal horror. He didn’t need Legilimency to interpret the tableau: his mother was biting her lip with such force it was a miracle she hadn’t drawn blood—clearly torn between deep sisterly concern and the overwhelming urge to burst into laughter. His Aunt Cassiopeia had no such restraint; she was already doubled over in full-throated cackling, tears streaming down her cheeks as she howled like a banshee at a comedy show.

Meanwhile, Lily and Marlene—who had presumably followed the tiny torpedo into the room—stood frozen in the doorway, expressions of wide-eyed horror plastered across their faces as if they’d just witnessed a murder.

Nymphadora Tonks had made her grand entrance by flying straight into her great grandfather's family jewels.