Chapter 50: Darth Clussy

I press the doorbell, its cheerful chime a stark contrast to Erica’s grumbling beside me. Justine’s house sits nestled in a cookie-cutter cul-de-sac, all manicured lawns and picket fences. It’s so... normal. I kinda love it.

“Remind me why we’re wasting a perfectly good afternoon at Little Miss Sunshine’s?” Erica mutters.

“Because.” I say, trying to keep my voice steady, “Justine needs our help with her Star Wars fan fiction, remember” I tap my temple, grinning.

Erica rolls her eyes, but I catch the hint of a smile. “Whatever, nerd boy. Just don’t expect me to start quoting Yoda or some shit.”

I laugh, picturing Erica in Sith robes. “Oh, come on, you’d make a great Sith Lord. All that brooding intensity...”

‘Wait, this is getting the ole engine revving.’

She cocks an eyebrow at me. “Careful, Jason. Keep talking like that, and I might have to punish you later.”

A shiver of excitement runs down my back. The door opens and Justine stares at us. Her fiery red hair is pulled back in a messy bun, her green eyes sparkling with excitement. “Finally! My fellow comrades have arrived!” She ushers us in with a dramatic flourish.

I can’t help but grin as we follow her to the kitchen. “Nice robe.” I quip, nodding at her Jedi themed bathrobe.

“Thanks, it’s my writing uniform.” she winks, leading us to a table that looks like a paper bomb exploded on it. Countless handwritten notes cover every inch, some even spilling onto the floor.

I settle into a chair, feeling a weird mix of awe and intimidation. This is next-level fandom stuff. “So, uh, where do we start?”

Justine plops down across from us, her eyes gleaming with a strong intensity. "First things first.” She says, leaning forward. “How did you like what you’ve read so far?”

I nod enthusiastically, maybe a bit too much. “It’s great! Really... uh, Star Wars-y.”

To my surprise, Erica nods, too. She pulls out a notebook from her leather jacket. “I’ve actually got a lot of notes.” Erica says, her usual gruff tone tinged with a level of seriousness she doesn’t usually bring out to play.

Justine’s eyes widened, her gaze darting between Erica and the notebook like she was watching a tennis match. “You... took notes?” she asks, clearly struggling to process this new side of the school’s most feared delinquent.

Erica shrugs, her leather jacket creaking with the movement. “What? I like Star Wars. All girls do, don’t they?”

Justine nods, her mouth still slightly agape. I can practically see the gears turning in her head, reassessing everything she thought she knew about Erica.

“For the most part, I dig what you’ve written.” Erica continues, flipping open her notebook. The pages are covered in her messy scrawl, complete with doodles of lightsabers in the margins, and also a few throbbing dicks. “But there’s some weird shit in here, Justine.”

Justine leans forward, curiosity piqued. “Weird, how?”

Erica’s lips quirk into a smirk. “Well, for starters, what were you thinking naming the ship after Billie Cosby?”

Justine laughs awkwardly. “Yeah, about that...I just thought it would be funny I guess.” She fidgets with a stray lock of hair. “A lot of commenters were not thrilled about that. Like, at all. I got a pretty funny review about it, though.”

Erica nods, "I imagine so."

I can’t help but snort at that, earning a playful glare from Erica.

“Also.” She continues, flipping to another page in her notebook, “I gotta say, it’s pretty awkward that you named a character after that Hawk Tuah guy. That feels like it’s gonna age out real quick.”

Justine’s face ruffles a little bit, as if she disagrees. She seems to be trying to choose her words wisely against this new version of Erica.

“That joke will only get funnier with time because of how it’ll age out.” She says, her eyes locked on Erica’s. “Plus, Hawk Tuah sounds like a legit Star Wars name. It’s practically canon at this point.”

I sit waiting for Erica’s reaction as she thinks. To my shock, she nods slowly, a grin spreading across her face.

“You know what? You’re absolutely right.” Erica says, leaning back in her chair. “I can totally see some background Sith named Hawk Tuah getting her ass kicked in the background of a cantina scene.”

Justine’s face lights up like she’s just won the lottery. “Right?!”

As we dive deeper into the intricacies of Justine’s fanfic, she suddenly turns to me, her green eyes wide with anticipation. “What about you, Jason? Any thoughts or notes to share?”

I scratch my head, trying to recall the details of the story. “Well, there was one thing that stood out to me. I think it was chapter 40ish? Maybe 41? When the main girl attacked all those deserters, they bled like crazy. I thought lightsabers cauterized wounds instantly.”

Justine’s face flushes a deep shade of red, almost matching her fiery hair. She buries her face in her hands, letting out a groan. “I know, I know, I can’t believe I forgot about that either. I wrote that chapter at like 3 AM one night. My brain was basically mush at that point.”

I can’t help but laugh, picturing Justine furiously typing away in the middle of the night, surrounded by empty cans and chip bags. “Oh, that makes sense. We’ve all been there.”

She peeks out from between her fingers, a sheepish grin on her face. “Yeah, but that really pissed off a lot of commenters. I got a dozen messages pointing out that it was a ‘glaring error in Star Wars lore.’ There’s this really, really mean Filipino girl that comments on every single chapter. She eviscerated me for that one.” Justine sighs.

“Why did you point out they were Filipino?” I ask.

“They always bring attention to it themselves. I think they just have a lot of pride in being Filipino, I really don’t know honestly.” Justine remarks in defense.

I nod. “That must be really weird to deal with.”

“Tell me about it.” Justine sighs.

Erica leans back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Alright, let’s talk about your main character. I gotta say, I’m not loving how submissive she is. It makes me feel embarrassed to call her a lady.”

Justine shrugs a hint of defensiveness in her voice. “That’s just the kind of character I wanted to write. Not every female lead has to be a badass.”

“Yeah, but come on.” Erica presses, “She literally is the strongest Sith bitch in the galaxy, and she’s not even pursuing a harem. That’s insane.”

I nod in agreement. “And what’s with her obsession with clown boys? It feels so out of left field. Like, one minute she’s battling other Sith Lords, and the next she’s begging her weird boyfriend to put on clown face.”

I wince at my own words. ‘Is clown face racist? No how could it be?’

Justine’s eyes narrow, her fingers drumming on the table. “Look, the clown boys are an integral part of the story. They represent... uh... the main girl’s Maslow's hierarchy of needs...”

Erica snorts sarcastically. “Yeah?”

I can’t help but chuckle, even as I try to soften the blow. “It’s just... I think the clown boy thing might annoy a lot of readers. It’s pretty niche, you know?”

Justine throws her hands up in exasperation. “Oh my god, you guys sound just like the commenters now! ‘The clown boys are weird.’ ‘I’m dropping because this is clearly thinly veiled clown fetish content.’ ‘Is this a Star Wars fic or a circus?’” She takes a deep breath, her cheeks flushed. “You’re not even giving clown boys a chance!”

‘Hmmm.’

I stare at Erica imagining how she’d look with clown make up and weirdly I kinda like how it looks in my mind.

Suddenly, Erica’s voice cuts through my reverie, sharp and unyielding. “Not a fucking chance, Jason. I can see those gears turning in that freaky little head of yours.”

I blink, startled. “How did you-”

“You’re an open book.” She smirks and then looks over to Justine. “Now, back to the lightsaber fight.”

Erica leans forward, her eyes gleaming with a sudden burst of inspiration. “What if you retconned it so that all those runaway Sith from Korriban were actually so full of blood they were simply bursting at the seams? Like, every time one of them took a step, blood came out like a balloon popping.”

I grimace, picturing the gory scene. “That’s insane, Erica.”

But to my surprise, Justine’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning. She grabs a pen and starts scribbling furiously in her notebook, muttering excitedly under her breath.

“Oh my god, yes! That’s genius!” she exclaims, her pen flying across the page. “That’s the perfect retcon!”

Erica’s expression suddenly turns thoughtful. She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms and fixing Justine with an intense stare.

“Hold up.” She says, her voice taking on a more serious tone. “I just realized something. If the whole point of your story is about the main girl making the weak Sith stronger, why is she doing such a piss-poor job of it?”

Justine blinks, her brow furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well.” Erica continues, gesturing vaguely with one hand, “Your protagonist is supposed to be this badass Sith Lord, right? But from what I’ve read, she’s not really improving anyone’s skills. She’s just... I don’t know, hanging out with her boyfriend and getting into random fights.”

Justine’s mouth opens and closes a few times, like a fish out of water. Finally, she shakes her head, her red hair whipping around her face. “That’s... that’s not the point of the story at all.” she says, sounding bewildered.

“It’s not?” I ask, equally confused.

“No!” Justine exclaims, throwing her hands up. “I just thought it’d be funny to do a story about Anime Korriban! You know, take all those weird anime tropes and shove them into the Star Wars universe. It’s not supposed to be some deep character study or anything. Just Sith Anime High school.”

Erica suddenly notices something, her eyes widening with barely concealed interest. She reaches out, fingers hovering just above a deck of oddly shaped cards. “Wait.” she says, her voice a mix of awe and suspicion. “Are those... Sabacc cards?”

Justine’s face lights up like a supernova. She pulls the deck out with a flourish, fanning the cards across the table.

“Good eye!” Justine exclaims. “I got them from Galaxy's Edge in Disney.”

Erica’s tough facade cracks for just a moment, a flicker of longing crossing her face. “Star Wars Land, huh?” She mutters, trying to sound disinterested. “Never been.”

The room falls silent for a beat. Justine’s eyes dart between Erica and the cards, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “You know.” she says, her voice casual but her eyes gleaming, “We could always play a round or two. If you’re interested, that is.”

Erica scoffs, leaning back in her chair with practiced nonchalance. But I can see the way her fingers twitch, itching to touch the cards. “Nah, I’m good.” she says, her voice a little too forceful to be believable.

I decide to throw her a lifeline. “Actually.” I chime in, “I’d love to play. I’ve always wanted to try Sabacc in real life.”

Erica’s head whips around to face me, her expression a mix of relief and feigned annoyance. She rolls her eyes dramatically, but I can see the excitement dancing behind them. “Fine.” she sighs as if she’s doing us all a huge favor. “I guess I’ll play too. But only because you want to, Jason.”

“Prepare to get cleaned out, my fellow scoundrels.” Justine chides us in the most cringey way possible.

*****

“Sylop Sabaac!” Erica slams her hexagonal cards down on the table with such force that the table shakes. Her eyes glitter with fierce triumph, a predatory grin spreading across her face. “You guys fucking suck at this.”

I stare at the cards, my mouth hanging open in disbelief. This is the seventh game in a row that Erica’s won. Beside me, Justine looks equally shell-shocked, her fiery hair a mess from running her hands through it in frustration.

“How?” Justine whimpers, her earlier bravado completely deflated. “I’ve been practicing for months!”

I lean over to Justine, my voice low and conspiratorial. “While we were playing Elden Ring back in September, she was playing Star Wars Outlaws. I saw her put like twenty hours into just Sabaac.”

Justine’s eyes widen in understanding, a mix of awe and indignation crossing her face. “You sneaky little-”

Erica’s laugh cuts her off, a sound that’s equal parts smug and genuinely amused. “What can I say?” she drawls, leaning back in her chair with the confidence of a seasoned card shark. “I’m good at any gambling card game. It’s a gift.”

I watch as she shuffles the deck with practiced ease, the cards dancing between her fingers like they’re extensions of her hands. It’s mesmerizing, really. I can’t help but wonder what else those nimble fingers are capable of...

“Eyes up here, lover boy.” Erica’s voice snaps me out of my reverie. I feel my cheeks heat up as I realize I’ve been staring. She winks at me, a promise of things to come later flickering in her eyes.

“You know.” Erica says, her voice taking on an uncharacteristically thoughtful tone, “Maybe you should come off your hiatus with a Sabacc chapter.”

Justine’s eyes widen, a spark of interest igniting in their emerald depths. “Really? You think so?”

Erica nods, her fingers idly tracing the edge of a hexagonal card. “Yeah, Something easy, something fun. Who knows.” She trails off, her gaze growing distant as if picturing the scene.

I watch as Justine’s expression shifts from surprise to consideration. Her brow furrows slightly, and I can almost see the gears turning in her head, plot points, and dialogue snippets falling into place.

“That’s... actually not a bad idea.” Justine says slowly, reaching for her notebook. She scribbles furiously for a moment.

Erica glances at her phone and lets out a low whistle. “Shit, it’s getting late.” She says, rising from her chair with fluid grace. She reaches out and grabs my arm, her grip firm but not uncomfortable. “We gotta go, Jason.”

I stumble to my feet, caught off guard by the abrupt change. Justine looks up, startled, her eyes widening as she checks the time on her own phone.

“Oh my god, you’re right!” Justine exclaims.

As we make our way to the front door, the late afternoon sunlight streams through Justine’s windows, casting long shadows across the floor. The warm glow bathes everything in a soft, golden hue, making even Erica’s leather jacket seem less intimidating.

Justine trails behind us, her Star Wars bathrobe swishing around her ankles. “Thanks for coming over, guys.” she says, her voice a mix of gratitude and lingering excitement from our Sabacc games. “This really helped me get my creative juices flowing again.”

Erica nods, her usual gruff demeanor softened slightly. “Yeah, just... maybe ease up on the clown boys, alright?”

Justine laughs, the sound light and carefree. “Absolutely not.”